MIL - Strange Comment - thoughts?

[DotDash2020]

I was at a family event today. Afterwards, we went to visit my MIL. I commented that the grandkids were getting so big and that it was crazy how quickly they change and grow up. MIL commented “yes, they’re at an age now where they will remember how people treated them”. I just said “yes”, but I thought the comment very strange. I would welcome members’ thoughts on this. I’m wondering if this is aimed at me. Although I can’t think of any reason why. But, if it’s not then….what an odd thing to say!

I think you might need to fill in a chunk of context. This is one of those where the back story will make a big difference to possible interpretations.

Might it be a bit a self reflection in her part? Remembering how she was treated/ spoken to at that age.

MIL has never really liked me, that I do know. She regularly makes snarky comments. But I just couldn’t get my head around this one. I’ve always been kind to my nieces and nephews in all ways. So, I’m thinking it can’t be about me. But, why say it? She has previously suggested I should hug and kiss them more - but that’s just not my thing.

That’s an interesting take. Never thought of that.

Are the grandchildren yours? Did something happen to DH at a similar age that she could be referring to?

They are her grandchildren. My nieces and nephews.

I think OP shes using the kids to get a point across about how shes feels about you, like, yeah I will remember who treated me well... nothing to do with the kids...its passive aggressive

That’s what I felt too, Loubelle70. But I wanted to hear other perspectives as I thought maybe I was being sensitive. I didn’t really engage with the comment and carried on talking as if nothing had happened. Not sure if I’d have been better asking what she meant by it. But maybe that would have sounded defensive.

There is nothing worse than a whole MIL who believes she has ownership over a whole family , deluded and wrong . She is part of a family .

Not if you word it right 😉...like "oh, really? Could you explain why you think that?" Xxx

^In fact, ask her that everytime she makes snides aside

I think she is referring to her past and nothing to do with you. It could be how others tret her children or something that happened to her.

Was your Dh there? What does he think?

Sounds like a fairly innocuous comment to me, unless there's a back story you haven't told us. I'd take it at face value to mean, this is the age where people start having long term memories. MILs get such a bad rap, it's a little unfair, unless you two have a history of bad feeling?

Oh, good plan! 👏🏻😆

She said it when he left to go to the shops. As she often does!

That’s very true. Thank you.

How old are the children?

I’m absolutely sure it’s a dig but not sure if it’s on your account. It could be that something else was on her mind but it wasn’t the sad picture of her childhood. And if most of her “remarks” happen when your DH is not there, that’s telling for me as well.
I think asking her what she meant by her comment every time is a very good tactic. Just try to ask with curiosity rather than with defensiveness because some of them might be not about you so no need for confrontation in advance.

I think MIL knows exactly what shes doing...maybe a bad childhood but its still projecting onto OP. Like i say..."oh really? Why do you think that, please explain it to me, i dont understand" everytime she tries snides aside

Ask her ? Mumsnet can't read your mother in laws mind !

I don't know why you wouldn't have said 'what do you mean?' when she said it. But I suppose the fact you didn't is due to the relationship you have with her? In which case I just wouldn't worry about it, it's not like she's declared some great truth is it.

She doesn’t like you
she says you should hug and kiss your nieces and nephews more
she said it when your DH was gone

it’s definitely a passive aggressive dig at you!

Maybe you have it there. She has previously implied that she thinks you ought to hug and kiss them more, and she was having a dig at you about that. ??

Perhaps. Yes, that could be it. I felt the implication was that someone had treated them badly. She may see my lower levels of physical affection this way. However, the kids actually aren’t comfortable with this type of affection. I’ve witnessed their reaction to other family members who hug and kiss them. They don’t like it.