MIL - Strange Comment - thoughts?

[DotDash2020]

I was at a family event today. Afterwards, we went to visit my MIL. I commented that the grandkids were getting so big and that it was crazy how quickly they change and grow up. MIL commented “yes, they’re at an age now where they will remember how people treated them”. I just said “yes”, but I thought the comment very strange. I would welcome members’ thoughts on this. I’m wondering if this is aimed at me. Although I can’t think of any reason why. But, if it’s not then….what an odd thing to say!

Has one of your in laws reduced contact with MIL?

@DotDash2020 why was MIL not attending the family event if it was her grandchildren who were there?

She’s elderly and infirm.

Me. I only see her when necessary. I’m always civil and polite and ignore her jibes.

I think that’s the perfect response. It def feels passive aggressive even if I don’t fully understand the meaning.

I don't know what she meant, and neither does anyone else on the thread. Having dealt with poor relationships with in-laws, my biggest piece of advice to you would be: what people think about you is not your concern.

Always behave in a way that you are proud of - it's important that you can look yourself in the mirror and know you are treating people in line with your values. But beyond that, please do not analyse and pick apart the cryptic clues and snarky remarks of people who just don't like you. You'll never figure it out and even if you did, would it make the relationship better? Make you feel better? Almost certainly not.

Don't give her any headspace. And perfect your breezy-and-dismissive-hmmmmmm noise.

That was most definitely a snide dig.

My MIL used to make comments when my husband coincidentally wasn't around. Soon stopped that as upon his return I would say, "oh MIL was just saying/just said..xx what do you think.?" in a conversational tone of course. It calls out the pass/agg without being confrontational. It does sound like a barbed comment directed at you OP.

14, 13, 10

Sound advice. Thank you!

I thought so too. Thank you, another good tip for managing her behaviour.

I know, Spinet. I should have. But sometimes I feel taken aback by the things she says to me, hurt even (not so much on this occasion, I was just confused!). And it makes me freeze as it’s quite alien to my nature to be defensive or argumentative or hurtful. It’s not really how my mind works. Next time I will definitely try asking in a curious way. But tbh, I greatly doubt that she will elaborate as she’s a bit of a coward at heart. We have had ‘words’ in the past and I told her to stay out of my marriage as it’s none of her business. She is quite a meddling individual!

Agree with her wholeheartedly. Can’t lose. Either she’s having a dig and thinks she failed to make her point, or you are making the same accusation about her in a way she can’t fault, or in fact you are just agreeing with her which will please her.

“Gosh yes, MiL! You are so right!”

You’ll find it works in so many situations.

Yeh it"s hard to calmly question these weird passive aggressive remarks. If you react you're seen as the aggressor. Next time, say, maybe, can you communicate what you feel more directly.

Another great idea! Thank you.