DP thinks I’m drinking my feelings away

[HereComesSimon1]

So I’m going through a bit of a shitty time at the moment. Along with that, I have severe anxiety which is rearing its ugly head quite a lot at the moment. I have 2DC, a 7yo and a 3yo who is autistic. I love him more than anything of course but I can’t lie, life is incredibly difficult with him and I’m just constantly stressed.

I don’t drink through the week at all but now and again on Saturdays I do have a feeling where I just think “I want to get drunk” Last weekend I didn’t have a drink at all but DP is out with the kids today for a few hours so I have had a drink. DP phoned earlier, he asked what I was up to and I told him I was having a few drinks. He asked why and I said I just want to relax for a bit. He knows how stressed and anxious I am and he asked if I’m drinking my feelings away. I have never really thought of it that way but I suppose it’s possible that he has a point.

Is there any harm in feeling as if alcohol takes my struggles away for a little bit? I know when to stop drinking but I do drink to feel drunk/tipsy. As I said it’s not a daily or even weekly thing. No judgement please!

OP your dh is concerned about your drinking

and i think i would be too in his shoes

Self-medication with alcohol is common but not very helpful. Alcohol increases anxiety (and depression too) so doesn't seem wise.

Is there anything healthier you can think of to do to feel more relaxed?

You feel in control of it now but I feel you should find some other way to help you relax before you become addicted to it. It's a slippery slope and one best avoided.

I wouldn't be concerned if I were you, just carry on being sensible. Don't drink to excess, don't drink in front of the kids etc. Be honest with yourself and DH. You're aware that you're using it as an aide, most people wouldn't be able to admit that but don't let it get the better of you.

im always WTF at posts like this

Someone very close to the OP in real life who in fact lives with her and presumably loves and cares very deeply about her is concerned about her drinking.

And a dependency or at least growing problem with alcohol doesn’t tend to go hand in hand with a true honesty with oneself about the problem

and you plough in with “nah don’t be concerned”.

the reckless arrogance

I'm always wtf at the amount of puritan holier than thou types on here who chime in with, "What! you drank alcohol once in two weeks? Must have a deep rooted problem."

I agree with this completely.

Keep being honest with your husband and yourself though.

Children are hard, especially when there is one with additional needs. Maybe there's more productive ways of dealing with your emotions, like exercise or whatever, but sometimes the time isn't there for that or the energy of you have broken sleep thanks to small children.

somehow i’m not the least bit surprised at this

What's the context? He was out for a few hours but was it at 10am or 6pm? Were you with other people or on your own at home? When you say a few drinks do you mean a couple of glasses of wine or do you mean 5 double gin and tonics? Need some more information!

someone having a “few drinks”
on a saturday early afternoon
on their own
with three very young children heading back shortly

yes i would be concerned

but that is beside the point

your husband. someone who lives with and loves you is concerned

well we know the timing
early afternoon
and i’m presuming the op would have added if she was drinking with people socially!

@lentilloved you mean we know the timing from the timing of her post? Her OP doesn't mention time. I would still like the answers to the other things.

If I was on my own in the house for a few hours in the afternoon, sun shining and no kids to entertain I would certainly consider a glass of wine. I wouldn't get drunk on my own in the house in the afternoon though, I find that unusual.

@supercalafragilisticexpealidocious He went out with them at 1 and said he’d be back around 7ish. I was on my own in the garden because the weather was nice and I had 4 of those little cocktail cans

it was saturday yesterday
yesterday was when the op was drinking and dh called
op started thread at 4.30pm

and when he returned and since then
have you and dh spoke. further about it?

I would say it depends on how much you're drinking. I drink more on Friday and Saturday evenings, I don't feel drunk or hungover the next day but I sometimes have a headache. Sometimes don't.
DH drinks a similar amount.

I used to drink more when younger .

@lentilloved He asked me how many drinks I had when he came back and I told him 4. He was fine. I think he thought he’d come home and find me drunk but I wasn’t. He said he just doesn’t want me drinking my problems away for my sake

ok so doesn’t sound like remotely an issue and he just made a one off concerned comment

so no big deal then!

4 cans would definitely have me very tipsy

but i’m a lightweight and drink about 2x a year!

Those little cans are very weak, it's hardly serious drinking, comments of 2 would make me tipsy but I don't drink are pointless and no way useful.

We can't answer this for you, only you can. I will say that drinking to deal with difficult feelings isn't a helpful strategy - far better to address those things in a different way and then have a drink just because you enjoy it.

Alcohol is a depressant and can increase anxiety, so it doesn't even work. Get the support you need and then enjoy your drinks in the garden.

Yes I would be very worried if I was him. Drinking to get drunk is a red flag too if you're on your own.

now and again on Saturdays I do have a feeling where I just think “I want to get drunk”

on your own or with friends / your DH

and what does you being drunk look like?

and are you then hungover most of sunday?

i remember my (alcoholic) mum saying to friend that she liked to get a bit tipsy every now and then

my sister and i just looked at each other

Me too! Good grief, woman wants to wind down with a few drinks at the weekend. Big deal! A huge majority of the population do exactly the same thing. As long as you're not drinking to excess, becoming violent or drunk in front of the kids I don't see the issue.