A paedo approached me when I was 3

[Mumoftwinsandasingleton]

I remember the hot sunny day, I was playing with my sister in a large field nearby our home. A man appeared out of nowhere and began to check under my skirt. He said I had pretty knickers on. I remember being happy by the compliment. My sister (aged 5) was wearing trousers. The man took my knickers and said he just needed to get something special from his van. My sister immediately said we shouldn't wait and that we should run back home. I felt an obligation to obey but my sister began to run home, I followed and suddenly felt panic. We told our mum everything (she was sleeping and had no idea we had left the house). My mum was really angry with me for wanting to obey a paedophile. She told me to get another lot of knickers on. I was very upset and apologetic. I was only 3 but this day sticks out as a strong memory. The topic came up once again when I was about 9 and my sister 11. My mum was still angry with me all those years later. I cried. We never brought it up since. I really hate this memory

I'm so very sorry. You should never have been blamed in any way. I'm guessing your mum was just frightened for you.

I had a similar experience when I was 7. The culprit was a teenage boy from the next block.

I was set up. A teenage boy from my block told me that his friend would be our gang leader while he was away on holiday. I would be his deputy, and I had to do everything he told me. The next day, the culprit moved to another town.

I finally told Mum when I was 16. She told me not to tell anyone...

I'm so sorry that you were made to feel guilty about your horrible experience@Mumoftwinsandasingleton .

So your mum didn’t even think of going to the police?

Sorry to hear this. I wasnt touched but a near miss.My mom worked in a local pub when I was about 10 and I would go there a lot with my dad. I remember playing cards with this old man alot. He lived in some flats. He asked me to visit which I did with a friend thank god. I never told my parents. My mom left the club. About 7 years later saw in the news he been prosecuted for abusing young girls.

Bizarrely enough no! And somehow that thought didn't cross my mind until your post! She was convinced it was a set up by dad to prove she was an irresponsible mother. She always told us it was our dad's fault

I'm sorry you went through such trauma! He actually made you do things which is so awful. I hope you have peace about it now

If it makes you feel better you’re not alone with these shitty memories. My friend’s Dad told me my friend was inside the house when I knocked for her age 7. She was not. Without going into details he was a pedophile.
My mum also had a similar experience as a child in an alleyway behind my gran’s house so luckily I could talk to my mum and she never blamed me. I’m sorry that happened to you.

I think years ago it wasn't as talked about as it is now. It was just a dirty old man. I wouldn't be too harsh on your mum not reporting to police. I doubt many people did back then. Times have changed.

I doubt the police would have done anything. Three and five year old girls wouldn't have been believed even if they could describe the man with pinpoint accuracy. They'd have probably shrugged it off with either "they made it up, girls lie" or "nothing happened, no harm done".

That is a horrible, unsettling memory to carry through life, OP.

If you haven't sought out therapy to help you deal with it, I'd recommend that you do.

None of that was your fault.

I had a similar thing and when I told my mum she had a go at me for not immediately running away. I was so confused as I'd always been told that was rude and to respect adults. Shitty parents always blame others for their shitty parenting rather than explaining or taking any responsibility.

I think the overriding view prior to around 2000 and probably even after that was that children had to take responsibility for themselves. The onus was on children to say no to strangers, keep off railway lines and stay away from deep water.

I had a not dissimilar experience to @Upinthenightagain and it’s horrible. I know it wasn’t my fault as I just froze but I want to shake my young self.

Absolutely not your fault. Even if you had got into his van with him, not your fault. What an awful, awful man. I’m so sorry your mum didn’t respond appropriately, it sounds like she had her own issues. Be kind to yourself, thank god you and your sister got away

It sounds very frightening OP. My parents had a very similar reaction to dangerous situations like this.

I was assaulted by a paediatrician in our home.These were the days when they made home visits.He did an examination in my parents bedroom and I remember as a child (I was around 8 I think) felt wrong.My mother wasn't in the room. I think I largely blocked this memory out. Children were to be seen not heard and certainly had no protection in those days.

After my first child was born 10 years ago,I asked my mum about this and she got really angry with me.She said people would think she's a bad person if I told them about this (this wasn't my intention but it was the first thing on her mind). She also insinuated she'd tell other people something terrible about me

We haven't spoken of it since but I still feel angry about it.

I was touched through my clothes by a stand in teacher when I was about 8. I've never told anyone until now. I'm in my mid 50's. Like a PP, I'd blocked the memory out.

Often it's the lack of support or belief or blame that becomes worse/as bad as than the act itself.
Not being validated by your own mother makes you feel worthless.
I remember paternal grandad groping me and rubbing my breasts when I was 10 and feeling so violated as I was having to sleep at their house.when I told my mum she dismissed that he had done anything to me particularly as he 9had done it to her and even her mother.ie he was a serial groper. I never went again and I'm glad to say he died not long after. I was lucky it was a one off but my mum wouldn't have given 2 hoots had it been ongoing.
I remember Esther Rantzen setting childline up and the tide turning on these low life paedos.
Awful to think OP that Sarah Payne was abducted in similar circumstances.

You had a bad mother. Can you have counselling? You can be thinking of this when you are 80 years old.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Your mum might have been useless but thank God for your sister. Maybe it's worth talking it through with her again?

Well my children were born between 1986 and 1997. I never had the attitude that my sons who would have been 13 & 14 by 2000 should 'take care of themselves'.

You're referring to a societal approach from 30 years and more before that.

When walking to school aged about 12 a car pulled over in front of me, he wound down the passenger window, and leaned across, I just assumed he wanted directions so walked up. He was masterbating and clearly wanted to shock me. I ran off, told my parents, who didn't call the police and dudnt make a big deal out of it. I carried on walking the same route for years. I think now, what did that pervert go on to do to someone else? I can't imagine he just limited himself to wanking in front of schoolgirls.

I was flashed at as an 11 year old taking a short cut to a friends, was just asked why I went that way

In times gone by I think there was more victim blaming and things being swept under the carpet because of the "shame"
Everything was about putting on a respectable front, don't want the neighbours finding out etc. What would they think at church?
While the poor child/ren would have to suffer in silence. This was my parents attitude ( brought up in the 1930s) no CSA but abuse in other ways x

I didn’t claim you personally did @StMarieforme . It was a societal view I was referring to rather than a criticism of individual parents.

If you have a look back, the 80s and 90s are littered with children dying and being seriously injured in incidents we would deem pretty neglectful nowadays. It’s a shift in attitude that’s hard to judge people on: in the same way most of my university photos feature a cloud of smoke if in a bar or pub, it just was, you went for a night out and you’d come back stinking of smoke whether you smoked or not.

Children did play unaccompanied by adults at very young ages - I’m not sure how old the OP is but the fact she was out without an adult at 3 shows that. And sexual abuse was rife (it still is but has shifted from stranger danger to abuse within the home sadly) but so were traffic fatalities, drownings, attacks from dogs (which is what largely led to the dangerous dogs act in the early 90s) and various other incidents.

There is a huge difference between societal attitudes and individual ones.

I think there has been a harsh shift to more children now being abused and killed in their own homes often at the hands of their parents than high profile abductions etc.

It's the names of the poor children such as Sarah Harper, James Bulger, Sarah Payne, Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman forever etched in your brain along with the image of their smiling faces beaming from the TV screens which brought on generations of helicopter parenting absolutely determined that your child was not going to endure the depravity that is out there. Even now there is always an element of victim blaming. People are so nasty.

I had a near miss as a child too. I was about 6/7 my little sister was younger. We were playing outside the front. I remember seeing a red car come in of the road and keep circling the car park, going up and down watching us. He stop and tried to engage us in conservation. I remember him saying how pretty my dress is, were we all alone and would we like to go to the park with him. I was a shy child and I remember being scared but didn’t want to be rude and managed a polite no thank you. He drove on a little bit further down stopped the car got out and started to run towards us and I knew then something was wrong. I remember grabbing my little sister and shouting biscuit as we ran into our block of flats. The doors were always propped open to allow us to get in and out.

At the time my little sister loved a biscuit and she would get one from our auntie (parents best friend) everyday, she lived on second floor with her daughters wheres at the time we lived on the very top floor. I remember that day clearly and how I was too scared to go back outside to collect our toys we left when we ran.