A paedo approached me when I was 3

[Mumoftwinsandasingleton]

I remember the hot sunny day, I was playing with my sister in a large field nearby our home. A man appeared out of nowhere and began to check under my skirt. He said I had pretty knickers on. I remember being happy by the compliment. My sister (aged 5) was wearing trousers. The man took my knickers and said he just needed to get something special from his van. My sister immediately said we shouldn't wait and that we should run back home. I felt an obligation to obey but my sister began to run home, I followed and suddenly felt panic. We told our mum everything (she was sleeping and had no idea we had left the house). My mum was really angry with me for wanting to obey a paedophile. She told me to get another lot of knickers on. I was very upset and apologetic. I was only 3 but this day sticks out as a strong memory. The topic came up once again when I was about 9 and my sister 11. My mum was still angry with me all those years later. I cried. We never brought it up since. I really hate this memory

This thread is tragic to read - I am so sorry for what you all went through.

I am a mother of two very young girls. Me and my husband, and my fellow parent friends are hyper vigilant. We have had safeguard training at work. We listen to our children's thoughts, worries and concerns.
So hopefully in years to come, there will be less adults reflecting like this 😞
But sadly the problem is the adults who do this and how can we stop them existing? It's depressing

@Luddite26

There are also a lot of little known cases that were no less tragic but for whatever reason didn’t generate the same amount of publicity.

Caroline Hogg for example was taken and killed by the same man who murdered Sarah Harper and was five years old and playing alone on a park. I am not blaming her parents. It was what people did. But … I don’t think adult supervision of a five year old is helicopter parenting. And while sexual abuse certainly hasn’t gone away the stranger danger largely has. I can’t think of any recent victims. Probably the most recent was April Jones which was over a decade ago.

Ugh, about ten years ago I was out walking my newborn round trying to get her to sleep and walked by a car. It honked at me to make me look and the guy was totally naked in the driver’s seat wanking. Disgusting

I remember my mum telling me that when she was a little girl, the man who ran the corner shop used to do this 'magic trick' with little girls, involving him making sweets disappear and he'd have to pat the girls down as part of his routine. He did it to my mum and her mum whisked her out of the shop and never left him alone with her again.

But to my mum's knowledge, no one did anything about it. It was apparently accepted that he was 'just a bit creepy'. I'm so glad we live in a world now which has zero tolerance for this.

@blueshadesintheroom was that in Liverpool? My mum tells a very similar story about a sweetshop owner.
I wish I wasn’t able to identify with so much of this sad thread

I think we should be careful about very graphic descriptions to be honest. Some sick people will get off on this thread.

@Mumoftwinsandasingleton that’s awful op , very sorry that this happened to you. Honestly I had loads of incidents when I was young , (never went as far until I was a teenager )as yours but i remember walking to school and a couple kept trying to get me to get into their car, I just ran. I was young though but can’t remember what age. I was followed by two men at one stage, they were whistling in my ear right up to me , tried to touch me and I just ran into a shop and waited. There was other random stuff but it’s all sketchy in my brain now I’m late 30’s. Like that I wouldn’t have told my mother , as a teenager I got into bad situations and she would have just blamed me. Your mothers reaction was terrible.
I always roll my eyes so much when people go on about how kids had so much more freedom back in the day and how these days we’re all helicopter parents . There’s a fckn balance like , my kids play out on a green and I’m sitting where they can’t see me but I can see them. My now teenager is v independent, walks to school , is totally happy to go anywhere,on school trips etc. I see it all the time on here “in Northern Europe all kids walk to school 10 miles from 5 blah blah “ Lots of people who are protective or even overly protective might be because of a reason….
I think a key thing is being able to talk to a parent , I always thought everything was my fault .

When I was 9 or 10, a bloke on a pushbike stopped and asked me the time. Not having a watch, I said it must be about half past 5. Then he asked me if I knew my way around here. To which the innocent response was "well, where do you want directions to?" But then when he asked me how old I was, the penny dropped, and I legged it home as fast as I could.
I have never before or since soon my Dad as angry when my Mum told him about it as soon as he got home from work. He went alternately pale and then red, and growled at me to get in the car. At that moment I was actually scared of my Dad. We drove around a bit looking for the perv, and I'm glad we never caught him because I swear my Dad really would have killed him with his bare hands.

@ilikespaniels I don't think supervising a 5 year old is helicopter parenting either.

I meant seeing these faces over the years made me a helicopter parenting and I don't care how that is perceived
The high profile cases came about with the number of people having televisions probably starting with The moors Murders victims in the 1960s.

That's an awful thing to happen OP, I hope the memory eventually fades.

I experienced something similar. I was in the park doing groups activities with the Brownies. I was in an area of the park with 3 other girls and a man approached and asked to take some photos of us. We said yes. I did a handstand for him and my skirt fell down over my head exposing my knickers.

Another girl told her parents and all hell broke loose trying to find this man. I felt so stupid and guilty for not realising what he was. I just thought he was a friendly bloke wanting to take pictures.

I will ask for it to be removed.

I've actually never typed anything like that out before and it felt like a bit of a weight being lifted.

But evidently it was too graphic.

I've asked MN to remove it.

That's a good point. This was back in 1996

@Noseyoldcow - something very similar happened to my youngest aunt when she was maybe 10-11 years old. She was walking home from school alone when a man leapt out and exposed himself to her - but she recognised him as a workmate of her dad's.

My grandad was a very protective father and my aunt worried that if she told him what had happened, he would literally kill the workmate, then be sent to prison for murder - and then because my disabled granny couldn't have managed to look after her and her young-teen siblings single-handedly, the family would have been split up and put into care. So she kept quiet.

Yes my sister was amazing at just 5 years old. She's always been super mature beyond her years and I honestly love her too pieces for various other traumatic things that happened in childhood where she saved me. Unfortunately were estranged these days and don't talk much at all. She has a lot of personal issues

This story brings cold shivers to me. I'm always so grateful for the escape stories. Your courage saved you and your sister, just like my sister saved us.

Aww it's cathartic to talk about it to strangers for some reason. I've never told anyone about what happened. Only my mum, sister and husband know. Husband's reaction was "aww that's awful" but I didn't get quite the same emotional release as here in this forum. You should never be silenced. I didn't get the chance to read your post but I'm grateful you feel better after writing it

OP
I'm sorry you went through this...

I wonder whether part of your mum's anger was actually guilt at allowing this to happen in the first place?
Because let's be honest, it is an irresponsible parent that allows two very young children aged just 3 & 5 to wander out of a house to nearby fields whilst the parent sleeps 😕
Was there a reason why your mum was asleep during the day? Interesting your dad thought she was an irresponsible parent...

Oh OP that’s absolutely awful and terrifying.

I wonder if your mum is angry with herself for allowing it to happen, and is just projecting onto you. What’s your relationship like with her now?

I think a lot of people have creepy stories like this...

Mine is from when I was about 9 or 10, I'd got a pair of new rollerblades and was trying them out down the path literally 15 seconds walk from my front door.
I was in a skirt, and at one point was in the skates, bent over, adjusting the strap, when suddenly this random man appeared behind me and said, "Oh, what a lovely time you're having..."
It wasn't WHAT he said as such, but more HOW he said it. And I think I was just old enough to realise that I was probably accidentally showing my knickers when I bent over, and he'd got an eye-full.
I knew enough to know that was creepy, and he was gross. It never crossed my mind to tell my parents.

I don't think I've ever told anyone this story before!

My mum and dad hated each other so they were always in court fighting over us. My mum had anaemia (undiagnosed at the time) and was pretty much asleep most of the day. My sister and I spent a lot of our childhood on the streets playing and making lots of different friends. We'd get home and my mum was always asking where we had been

My relationship with my mum is bizarre as she has moved in with me and my family. Before then, I'd say it was a normal mother daughter relationship. Long story but she was made homeless. She'll be leaving soon though so hopefully she will still want to come round

1996! I assumed you were going to say 1970. My baby was 3 in '96 and I would have NEVER left her alone like that. And the police would have been all over it had I reported something like that. In fact, I'd have been in a load of trouble myself leaving kids that age alone and unsupervised.

That's probably why your mother didn't report it. She had broken the law and social services would have been brought in to investigate her neglect. You and your sister might easily have been taken into care. and I guarantee your mum knew it.

Wow that's a crazy thought. I wouldn't have wanted to have been taken into care so I'm glad she didn't report it then. A previous poster mentioned that pre 2000, there was less understanding of safety. We were regularly out of the house and playing till late from a very young age, so this was very much the norm for our family. Mum slept a lot during the day

It's pretty much nonsense that pre 2000 it was the norm that kids were just left to look after themselves or that basic safeguarding wasn't understood.
Especially a 3 year old. No way was that acceptable.

An example: my SEN child had a period where she was taken by taxi every day to a special school. Because the driver was male, she had a CRB (now DBS) checked female chaperone assigned to her.
This was in the mid '90s.

If your mum had been reported back then, SS would have been involved and, based on your posts, your dad would probably have got custody or you would have been taken into care had he been deemed unsuitable.

I had a similar incident to yours when I was about 4 - which I actually came on to post about before I was distracted. I was actually abused though and so was a friend of mine. But that was in 1975. Now THAT was a different world.

I never told my mum so I have no idea what she would have done about it. But I think she would likely have sent mu dad to sort it out in those days.