I need help with my weight

[pocketheart]

And not in the way it might be presumed.

Firstly I don't think for a minute I'm in danger of slipping into having a serious eating disorder - I'm 54 and have managed to avoid this so far....

I've always been petite but have also always been very careful (in a very secretive way) about what I eat. So for example I'll tuck into cake etc but then will skip a meal to 'compensate'
I weigh myself every. single. day.
Nobody knows this, not even dh. Everyone in my life regards me as blessed with a naturally slim figure and my dd has a brilliant attitude towards eating etc
Not once have I ever mentioned diets, my weight etc The irony is she talks about what an amazing role model I've been, what a brilliant attitude I have to food etc
I'm thankful for this (even if I feel a total fraud!)

During my 20s late 40s I could easily maintain my weight between 8.7 - 8.11st. At 8.7 people think I look unwell but this is when I feel amazing, I have no desire to be any smaller and at 8.12 I still feel good and like how my clothes look etc
Since hitting my 50s it's got tougher. I've lost my waist and now am generally around 9.1 - 9.3st
Objectively I know this is nothing but it feels like everything to me. I feel like my body looks enormous, that clothes look awful now but do they really? Is it such a big difference or all in my (ridiculous) mind?
I have nobody to ask, literally nobody knows what I put myself through.
Sometimes I wish I didn't care. Most of my friends are stones heavier than me, they eat and drink what they want and it looks bloody joyous!!!
Maybe I should just 'let go' but it scares me.

Thanks if you got this far. I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this thread but writing it down feels good.

I think the focus and control of your weight has been comforting through your life but now at this age it's not possible as your body is changing

Personally, I would adjust goals and perhaps give yourself a fitness goal to achieve instead of weight or a skill to achieve to use up the energy of controlling your weight

So for example to help with body composition join a gym and begin weight lifting so train yourself to see your body in a different context and food as fuel

I did wonder about exercise, I have never exercised but do a lot of walking and have a fairly active job.
I am managing to control my weight but it's exhausting and I'm so very tired of it all.
I need help to see that I look ok. That 9st 1 isn't a bad weight to be at my age but I have nobody to talk to. It's very lonely being me at times!!

I want to be honest, and say that some of what you're saying is ringing alarm bells of an eating disorder. The skipping meals = restriction of food incase you gain weight, and the weighing yourself daily for example. I say this because I have an Eating Disorder myself.

I have wondered if I have an ed over the years but I feel in control if that makes sense? But maybe I'm deluded!?

I hope you're ok @Needingacoffee?

I am in recovery from Binge Eating. I used to eat in 'secret'. Also, I have gained, and lost weight by strict dieting & exercise in the past, and put it all back on again. Both of those could kick off my bingeing again. I was very hyper-focused on my weight and shape too.

You try to control your eating, but it ends up controlling you. I am okay now thank you. I just have to be very careful incase of a relapse. I have been obese, but now am a few stone overweight. Binge eaters can also be slimmer. Food was always on my mind. Certain foods were seen as bad/unhealthy foods to me = ones that I believed would make me fatter.

Oh, and I was obsessed at weighing myself daily, when I was 'dieting' to lose weight.

I don't actually weigh myself daily when I'm 'lighter' I feel more in control maybe?
I'm so painfully aware of my weight/size that I normally can predict what weight I am each day

Yeah, I never weighed myself daily when lighter, or right weight for my height. The problem came when putting on weight too. The thing is our weight will fluctuate many times during the day, let alone during the week. Plus, various things make us put on weight normally.

I logically know that daily weighing is ridiculous but I can't help myself!!
Again, my family have no idea...

@pocketheart - I have felt like that before. Logically you know it is ridiculous, but you can't stop yourself from checking your weight daily. I used to see a rise in weight, and respond negatively. Like I'd try to eat less, and exercise more excessively. Or, I'd kind of be so unhappy that I'd eat way too much, but in secret. My family didn't know either, as I'd stuff myself full of food in secret...

I really can't stop checking!! It's a 30 plus year habit 🙁

I don't think weighing daily is an issue, at all, if it is just a monitor.
However, if your mood is depicted on what the scales say then it is.
I weigh in daily as I compete at a weight so I need to know roughly what I am, I expect to fluctuate up to 2kg in a month, it's normal. My mood is not effected by it though

I’m like this. I weigh myself everyday and if I’ve put a pound on I try to adjust what I eat. I’m currently 8 stone but I’m short. The way I see it, it’s much better to be slim than overweight (I exercise too) so my monitoring of it is fine. I’m not dangerously underweight and it keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Solidarity OP. I'm the same.
I'm probably taller ( 5 ft 7) but was 9 stone 2 the day I got married at 22, and 34 years later was recently horrified to discover I am now 9 stone 5....and it feels wrong and upsets me, and yes I weigh myself nearly every day.
I've never been underweight... the lowest ever was 8 stone 10, but for me to feel like ME I need to be 9 stone 2 and I have always adjusted my intake accordingly.
The scales bother me far more than my change of shape and muscle tone that comes with age and menopause. Logically I know it's daft...my weight is fine for my height, but I cannot accept it emotionally. I can't let it go!

@Needingacoffee I have binge eating issues. I’m obese and think about food constantly. Do you mind me asking how you recovered?

@Cocopogo Admitting you have Binge Eating issues is the 1st step. I have been obese, then slimmer 3 times now. I had to persuade my GP to help, as my physical health was suffering. In the past, my gallbladder was affected, and had to be removed. I was getting high BP readings, and was also diagnosed with a fatty liver last year. I was still thinking constantly about food early Autumn last year/ eating lots in secret... I was over 17 stone then. Luckily, there's a charity locally who support people with Eating Disorders for free. They confirmed my Binge Eating Disorder via questionnaires, and an online discussion. I was put in a Binge Eating Disorder online support group for approximately 3 months. We mostly worked through a book called 'Overcoming Binge Eating', by Dr.Christopher G. Fairburn mainly. It's based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Basically, I am no longer recommended to 'diet' to control my weight, or exercise to change my weight/body shape. It would cause a relapse most certainly. I had to weigh myself once a week, at the same time on Monday morning (& still do this now). I had to tell the group leaders my weight. They told me not to avoid scales, but also not weigh myself more than once a week. I did a weekly online questionnaire. It scored me on my weight/shape, and Eating concerns. I had to plan my meals to be regular = every 2 and a half to 4 hours. They recommend to eat whatever I liked, but record it. I also had to record any binges. I am still to have 3 main meals a day, and 3 snacks in between. Plus, they told me to eat more protein as it fills you up for longer. Some of it was learning about any unhelpful thinking styles I had through the day.

Currently I am more shape/weight confident. I have lost weight by no exercise, and planned eating. I don't constantly think about food, so don't binge. My blood sugars are more stable, and don’t go on big highs and lows. Plus, I am hardly ever hungry, unless near a planned meal time... and that is not always the case. We learnt relapses could happen, and how to deal with them more quickly. My mental and physical health has dramatically improved. I now weigh about 12 & a half stone.

I have been discharged from the charity, but can re-refer myself if needed. Plus, they said I could contact them anytime, if skills I learnt are not working, and my bingeing ever gets out of control again.
Hope you find a way to break free from Binge Eating.

How tall are you?

I am 5'5 & a half". My maximum weight should be about 10 & a half stone. I am about 2 stone away from that now. I need to lose just over 2 stone to be a more sensible weight for my height.

Sorry, if you mean how tall the original poster is. I just now have thought you might have meant them really...

@Needingacoffee thanks for sharing, it sounds like it’s really worked for you. What is the charity called and i’ll see if it’s local or I can join online?

Op is 5ft 4!
Feeling less alone with all this now but still finding life tough!

I imagine getting to 80 (hopefully) and kicking myself for all the delicious food I never had!

The F*ck It Diet by Caroline Dooney is a great help to many eating disordered individuals, OP.

A big part of it is that my entire identity is dictated by my size, even my nickname (similar to 'tiny pocket heart') is based on me being small.
I'm the 'little' one in my friendship group, the 'lucky' one etc etc
I cannot 'let go' I'm constantly on my guard, trying to keep my weight down. It's bloody exhausting!!!
But ultimately, I'm way more miserable when I'm not happy with my weight, than I am when I'm restricting my eating etc