Has anyone experienced the black/dead eyed stare of a narcassistic type?

[OnlyLoveCanBreakYourHeart]

I can't remember what I was watching last night, but what ever it was - someone in it mentioned someone having the dead eyed stare of a monster. It resonated with me and has been bothering me all day. Long story short, my ex told me he had been told he had shark/dead eyes on more than one occasion, which I found really odd as he had lovely blue eyes. He also told me that he didn't feel, was an empty shell and had been told by a psychotherapist that he was a narcissist. I know, I should have run but that's a different story. Anyway, eventually I did and my soulmate and best friend turned into a monster overnight. But there was one time in particular after we split up when I really pissed him off. I walked away but felt compelled to turn around and when I did he was staring after me and his eyes were completely black and soulless. It was chilling and still makes me uneasy many years later. I did lots of research around it at the time and found a few articles that said that it was a thing, but as many saying it wasn't. But I know what I saw. So, I am wondering if anyone else has come across this? If anyone does know what I mean - does anyone know how it happens? And, if you do know - I am sorry you had to experience this and I genuinely hope you are ok now.

Yes it was a friend of mines husband and his kids used to do it too :( also the menacing smile. Gives me the shivers.

When my ex was having a nasty episode he had that look Jack Nicolson had in The Shining.

Yes, Ive met several, mainly senior execs and large business owners who've done very well for themselves by being completely ruthless.

Like looking in the eyes of a shark.

Yep.

It's thought that the intense psychological arousal narcissists feel when they can sense the fear of their victim causes their pupils to dilated, making their eyes look somewhat like black holes.

I've had the misfortune to encounter a few.

My sainted Mother. Her narcissistic rictus began as a cold cruel grin, which settled into a stunning Medusa death glare, when at all challenged or threatened. She had bright crystal blue eyes. Like a white walker. Utterly terrifying.

I meant to add, her pupils would always be huge, so her eyes looked like black holes with blue ice around the edge. Staring evil. She used to terrify us as small kids.

I'm so sorry @Geppili and I agree, it is terrifying. I hope you have managed to move on.

Yes, an ex. I really think he was a sociopath. I looked into his eyes and they were just dead and blank. I've never forgotten it.

My ex.
I feared for my life a few times while I was with him and he was truly terrifying in general.
A friend and a family member both still have nightmares about him and it's been 12 years since I left.

He once had me pinned against the wall and was holding a knife. I kneed him in the balls so I could run but he didn't even flinch and he grinned in the most chilling, evil way I've ever seen and whispered "do it again. I dare you."
I don't think I've ever been so scared.

Could have written this one myself.

No contact with narcissists really is a game changer, should have done it years ago. My life would have been much happier.

My 'father'. He had bright blue eyes but nothing was more dead, dull and soulless than when he gave you that look. Usually just before an attack. You knew what was coming.

@Geppili
That just have been so traumatic. The horror comes over very clearly in your writing. Hope you are doing ok now.

(my late mil had a ‘look’ about her but not so clear as your description. I can’t describe it well but a kind of steely, hostile, disdainful glare. Almost looking over the top of your head when talking to you)

@Cuckoochanel80
Yes sometimes no contact is the only sensible option, narcissists cause great damage.

I used to say (about my mil) that she was continuing to play games with us, but regrettably she didn’t realise I had withdrawn from the game many years ago…

A young person (16yrs) I worked with was schizophrenic, very violent and had a personality disorder. Before attacking, her eyes would go very dark and there was a glazed look. She would also go very still....I became very hyper vigilant and was always looking out for the signs...like walking on egg shells.

She hospitalised several members of staff and I was her 1:1. Luckily she didnt attack me but the stress! Im so glad I left that job

Her eyes would go very dark and there was a glazed look. She would also go very still.

The places I've seen this most often was ... in strip clubs. I used to take clients, it was the 80s 🙄 The men in the audiences gave me the willies. So many of them would be like this: transfixed; predatory; unblinking dark-eyed stares that seemed inward-looking yet laser focused on the dancers.

I've seen this in some of my personal relationships, too. Writers call it 'inhuman' but, to me, it seems more that the person has dehumanised the one they're staring at. I've never been in active combat, but I bet soldiers look like this when they have to confront the enemy face-to-face 😟

This is absolutely terrifying. I am so sorry for those of you who had a parent or a partner like that.

Yeah.. I remember watching the veil he normally kept up dissolve in front of my face when I told him it was over and he decided he wasn't even going to bother trying to stop it.

It also came out during sex before that, when he'd get especially rough, even more so when he started taking testosterone (I'd started getting scared he would hurt me badly). Like a PP described, it was when he stopped seeing me as a person, but just as an object to use.

I thank goodness I'd been on MN long enough to know that grey rocking was the best solution.

Not a narcissist but a friend who was a drug-user (meth), which drained him of any humanity.

When in the midst of a relapse (though not actually on the drug at the time) he would look at me as if he was observing an insect. So cold and blank.

I think the cold hard black look is different to the shark look of a narc.

That black eye look is chemically induced or when pupils go large because they have lost it.

The cold ruthless shark is every day from a narc. My fil has them. He greets me with what he thinks are good words to greet me but they are delivered in a totally soulless way and the eyes are hard and cold. They are chilling, like the terminator

Someone I know is a master at lying and has a mask-like, smiley face while she brazenly lies to your face. I have watched her do it on numerous occasions, sometimes to me, and I now wonder if she knows anymore what the truth looks like. Her whole life seems like some kind of play she is acting out to make herself look good. She is deeply unhappy inside which she occasionally reveals but then zips it all up again. I find her uneasy to be around as I never know which version is going to turn up.

I sometimes get iritis, basically arthritis in the iris of my eye.

One of the treatments is to keep the pupil dilated.

Most people don't notice unless I point it out but when I do it freaks people out.

I imagine this is what happens with the 'black eye' but it happens with both.

Wikki link so you can see what my eyes look like.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mydriasis

Yes, an ex. I never believed in monsters until I realised he was one. He looked dead behind the eyes. It's a scary realisation that not all humans are 'human'

I don't know what sort of diagnosis that the person I'm rembering would be given but he really had dead eyes. At the time I remember wondering if he had a soul.

From The Master Blackmailer - AC Doyle

Do you feel a creeping, shrinking sensation, Watson, when you stand before the serpents in the Zoo, and see the slithery, gliding, venomous creatures, with their deadly eyes and wicked, flattened faces? Well, that's how Milverton impresses me.

The next line is about Sherlock having dealt with murderers and lowest criminals, but none other turns his stomach more than Charles Augustus Milverton.

It pretty much sums up the person it reminds me of when I heat "dead behind the eys".

Very limited range of emotions, it's either glee or rage. Most people think of him as quirky and funny but harmless, but having been in his company on my own, he is without a doubt the most reprehensible creature I have ever come across.