I have no friends and I'm fed up with it

[LegendaryGlitter]

Exactly what the title says.
I had one friend who I have been friends with for years but she seems to have just ghosted me and I'm unsure why. Other than that, I have no actual friends.

I'm mid 30s and a mature student, but everyone on my course is a lot younger, so whilst I get on well with most people, it hasn't sparked any real friendships. I guess that could change next year though.
I have DS and chat to school mums at drop off and have invited one of his friends over to play though nothing set in stone and I don't want to keep pushing and forcing it, so again nothing has really come of these chats.
I had a hobby, but due to time and money, that has fallen by the wayside a little but even when I was taking part regularly, I didn't really make friends.
I work aswell and get on with all my colleagues and have a laugh at work, but they will all meet up with each other for drinks, coffee and it's never mentioned to me until after it's happened.

I'm always on the periphery, get on well with everyone but never anyone's friends and I'm so over it. It's lonely. I'm starting to think it is me tbh, I think I'm a nice enough person but clearly not.

Anyone else just never really been able to make friends or just me? Sorry a bit of a self pitying moan but I'm feeling a bit down about it lately.

It can be difficult to make new friends as an adult.

If you like and enjoy your hobby, perhaps start taking more part of that again? It might not mean instant close friends, but my experience is that when one is involved in something, like a hobby/club/society/group, where you all have a common interest, it will result in friendships. It can take a while though, sometimes several years, and I think one has to really get involved! But since you have a common interest and a common goal, you will always have things to talk about.

Ah OP I hear you, it's tough out there.

I get invited to group activities. Perhaps once or twice a year per the two or three groups I'm in (uni, work, DC's school etc), but not one on one meet ups which seem to happen to others in between the group things. Friends who go on holidays together, or visit each other at weekends etc, or meet up at the pub after school, or go round to each others houses for dinner. This stuff happens to others, not to me. It makes me really sad tbh.

Feedback I've been given is that I seem to have a very busy social schedule (I don't, but apparently I give that impression which I'm still not sure how to resolve) so people expect I'm busy and don't invite me to things. Any chance you could be giving the same vibe? I've no idea how to combat it, have even point blank looked people in the eyes and said it's not true, but still didn't make any difference. Also I fear that actually taking it that far to try and be understood made people feel awkward. Minefield.

Maybe that is the issue, I just don't have the time to really get involved. With university, work and DS my time is spread a little thin and as soon as some sort of get together falls in a time I can't do, even if I say 'sorry, can't do then, I'd love to join next time though', the invites dry up. I've emailed to see if DS can join scouts so maybe I can volunteer there and that might lead to something.

@Pineconepicture I'm a single parent and couldn't join the Christmas meal and then haven't been invited to anything since, so maybe I could be giving that vibe and even though I have no friends, I am quite busy.

I'm not expecting a jam packed social life but it would be nice to meet up with a 'mum' friend in the park with DS, or maybe go for food/cocktails occasionally with a friend or two, a coffee one morning, That kind of thing.

But you can't just wait for an invite, you have to do the inviting! And you have to do it repeatedly. What happens when you invite work colleagues to drinks or suggest to school mums you meet for a coffee?
If they can't make a date do you try again?

If you've said no a few times then you can see why they stop asking. Unfortunately if you want friends, you have to make an effort and have time for them I'm afraid.

You said you always on periphery but it does sound some people have tried. Hsve you tried asking to make plans when you can do them? Do you leave it to them to ask?

Also try bumble, not the dating bit but the social app of it. And there is platook as well. Both apps to make new friends.

Good luck op it's not easy I know but you have to try.

Tbh ,I stopped as of Friday trying to make new friends.I have given this woman my number on Friday after we got talking and she claimed she would be my friend after I stated I have no friends.She claimed her battery died tbf we were in the hospital waiting room ,been there for a least 4 hours.I quickly wrote my number down as I was being told to come to the other room,(bad timing I think),haven't heard from her since.I cba anymore ,I have tried too many times,ethier they take hours to text back even though they put up status's up after I have messaged them or they don't bother messaging you .I need to meet older single mums ,I don't think it work out with me making friends with people with partner's.
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My 'best' friend I met through a hobby group I created. Both in our mid thirties at the time. Been besties for over 25 years.

I have other friends from other groups, work etc.

Don't be passive and wait for others, be proactive and start the conversation!

You have to make the effort.

Don't wait for them to invite you.

Make it clear you like them and want to be friends. Take a genuine interest in them and their lives.

If you want to meet up with someone for coffee, you have to ask someone to meet up for coffee.

Don't expect others to do the leg work.

I'm in the same boat, my couple of friends live very far away and it's been hard to make any close friends where I live. I think I also had similar issues where I'm always looking busy and not available when invites were issued but it's because I'm always running after my kids and have little help. I've really started to notice the social gap in my life recently as my kids have got older. But as you say it's really hard in your 30s to make new friends. I've decided I'm going to join a book club I've been wanting to join for some time but never wanted to join alone but I'm biting the bullet. Even if I don't make new friends I think it'll make me feel good to have a bit more social interaction and build my confidence up in reaching out to people. I really resonate with you saying you feel on the peripheral of groups, I generally feel I'm easily forgotten or the one pushing a friendship which really kills confidence

I was just thinking the same.

I've been trying for two years to make new friends after we moved house. We made one but the family moved abroad. We had another but they're always busy now.

I'm very chatty as is dc, we get on with lots of people but when I say do you want to do x, it doesn't happen.

I'm not sure if its me or if people have no time for friends or no interest.

I'm in a similar position. I'm always doing the leg work, organising things, starting conversations. Nothing sticks.

Does your son’s school have a class WhatsApp? Post ‘hi, we are thinking of going to insert local national trust or playground or whatever this weekend, it would be great for DS to have a buddy come along! Does anyone fancy joining us?’

That way it’s an open invitation and anybody in your position can get in touch. Worth a go surely?

I also see a lot of Facebook posts such as ‘just moved to the area and looking for play dates/meet ups’ which get loads of replies. You’d be surprised how many feel the way you do, it’s not a shameful thing any more. People seem to be quite open about it

This is also true. I've given up asking people saying can you do this day or that. If you can't do a day propose and alternative and take responsibility for making it work. If you say no, another time then I'd think that's a polite but firm no. I'd probably try twice then assume for whatever reason you don't want to be friends.

I can really relate, and it’s not really socially acceptable to continually push people, so being proactive I think is a fine balance. Some people who moved to this area more recently than me have seemingly fitted straight in, get invited to everything, and I can’t really work out why

Being proactive is the key.

I was out with friends on Sunday and said 'these are the next dates i can do, when do you fancy meeting next' and we arranged there and then!

I have a very busy diary with lots of groups of friends but i maintain it by being proactive, i don't wait for them to come to me.

I have also made friends via a hobby.

I have a husband and a 2.5yo daughter so it's all about balance.

I wouldn't say I'm sitting back and waiting for invites, but how many times is too many times to invite?
I've asked a school mum if she fancies meeting up for a play date, gave her my number, followed it up a week later as DS asked again, let her know I'm usually free Thursdays, but I can't keep asking as it's getting awkward.
If I can't make a meet up I always suggest another date to meet up either all together or in a smaller group so I hope I'm showing interest

Maybe that particular person/ group isn't interested in becoming closer right now, for whatever reason.

Some you'll win and some you won't, just keep going and ask someone else.

With my son in this situation I asked.if I could take their son if they weren't free as my son is really keen to have him come visit. This worked as the other mum is really busy with her other 2 kids but we do talk so much more now at the gates and ages lovely but I remember those busy days with little ones so I'm not taking it personally and hope down the line we might be friends. Maybe try this and it might work out down the line but at least your son will be happy. I find I worry so much about my kids friendships and making sure they aren't lonely and I'm only realising it's because I think I am

same tbh!

But that's not specific enough, and no one wants to look like they are inviting themselves round to yours by having to chase you for a specific date. And no one rings anyone anymore - people feel really awkward about ringing people out of the blue. What you need to do is say "DS has been asking to have a play date with your DS. Would Thursday or Friday this week, or if not, Monday or Wednesday next week work for you?" Also you have to be willing to offer weekends too as that works better for some families.

Volunteering at scouts sounds a good idea. They are usually very grateful for any help. My children do scouts and all of the adult helpers seem to be having a good time and are very friendly.

Would you have time for any other volunteering? School PTA, local community groups etc? That way you can meet more people in an environment where people can chat and get to know each other.

Maybe I need to be a lot more proactive then. I tend to ask a couple of times and then leave it when it comes to play dates as I don't want to be too pushy and make people feel awkward for saying no again.
I don't have a huge amount of time to get involved with loads of volunteer type stuff, I did try get the mature students society going at university but it never really got much interest but I think I'll give it another push next year.

Slightly comforting to know I'm not the only one a bit friendless I guess

Op I get it its bloody tedious at times. I met a few through dd sports. Coffees with them. Tired of waiting days on replies to texts. People wont commit to dates. Ah its draining. Im 50s its no easier. A hobby good I think.