I am so sad my child is finishing primary school

[abovethefold]

This is ridiculous, but I feel overwhelmingly sad that my child is in year 6. At the moment they’re really happy and confident, and I’m scared of the future for them. Everyone tells me teenagers are a nightmare, and of course I remember being a teen and how hard it was.

I’m also aware that I don’t know how to parent a teen - I’m not needed in the same way, and although I’m not a ‘natural’ mum (I found parenting quite hard all the way through!) I have never felt as helpless as I do now.

When I first became a mum I was in my early 30s and had a lot of confidence in myself (!) The last 11 years have knocked that out of me - Brexit, Covid, elderly parents, career stagnation, have all stopped me having faith in the world around us and also my ability to do anything useful in it.

How do I help by child with the secondary transition? How do I keep them safe from the internet, knife crime, heartbreak etc etc …?

I don’t know what I’m looking for really - books? Resources? Solidarity?

This time last year I felt exactly the same. So did DS! On the last day he clung to his class teacher and sobbed for half an hour while his class mates were whooping for joy! (He’s a small, quiet, august born, non-football playing boy)

But over the summer holidays the feelings changed to excitement for his future, and within a week of secondary I was amazed at his maturity and independence.

now as we approach the end of year 7 I’m super proud of how well he’s doing.

(and my friend with a child just about to start her A-levels is weeping at the idea of her Dd leaving school completely!)

Please don’t buy into the MN mantra of ‘all teens are a nightmare’!

Ours never were, and nor are many others.

In retrospect it all goes so quickly, though - starting school in shiny new uniform, with shining morning faces - moving up to senior, then before you know what it’s GCSEs and A levels, UCAS forms, then they’re eating you out of house and home when home from uni - with mega bags of washing….

I love having teens. I have two daughters and people were always telling me that teenage girls are horrendous, but they really aren't. They are funny, independent, intelligent people, my favourite people in the world. We watch TV and films together, discuss books and current affairs, go shopping. My 15 year old put the washing on for me this weekend as I was out all day Saturday. They can genuinely be lovely.

There are obviously difficulties, school, friendships, anxiety etc. but they are not worse than the younger years just different.

My dd1 is going up to Secondary in September and I’m very nervous for her. She’s quite young emotionally and sensitive so I can’t gauge how she’ll cope. I’m hoping it will be the making of her and will help her mature. Dh is worried she will be bullied as she’s a redhead and he had lots of troubles in secondary and is projecting.

It feels like a very big step in their lives as this school will help to shape her and her future and I’ve just had to select 3 schools that I think might work, keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best that the allocated school will be right for her but not being able to influence anything.

My year 6 child is very distressed about their school topic.... world war 2. He hates the images, audio and stories.
He's always been a sensitive person and was the same in year 2 about the great fire of London

Has any body got any suggestions how.i can support him?

@Mumohmummy I would honestly speak to the teacher and explain it. But that said I think you would be better starting a new thread as this one is old and your one is tagged on the end. You would get more support and replies then and better help.

Thank you.
New to this and didn't realise I had commented on post thought it was a new thread 😬

I cried for joy and opened a bottle of bubbly on DD's last day of primary school.

Never again school run drama, never again playdate policies, never again small talk at the school gate, never again PTA requests.

DD (ADHD/ASD, at that stage undiagnosed) had a bad time in Y5/Y6 so that didn't help. But there was so much drama because too much parental involvement.

DD is now in Y13, I met two of the parents of girls she was friends with until GCSE. I had hardly any requests for school stuff apart from paying for equipment and trips and definitely no PTA begging.

She went from a quite girl in a 2-entry form of drama queens to a confident teen who found her troupe in a all-girls school of 8 form per year. She loved having a different teacher for each subjet and that she had a proper time table for each one.

What helped her was this: When they had transition day (a day all Y6 go to their allocated secondary for a day of bonding) she took lots of little strips of paper with her name and her mobile number with her.
She had a mobile (pay as you go) since she started walking to school on her own and she handed them out to girls in her new form who were in the same team bonding group. She met some of them over the Summer holidays and it meant the whole start was less intimidating.

She is going to uni this year, we do have some reservations due to her SN but she is determined and looks for a bright future. I do think letting her go and having an independent time at secondary (even with 2 Covid years) helped.

When you get them a mobile, make clear that you are in charge of it, that you know the password and can check if you feel the need for it. Set up parental controls and ensure it's down after a reasonable time in the evening.
Even WhatsApp is a minefield but to be fair to them, it's necessary for them to organise themselves and communicate. Just make sure you check and that you encourage them to stand up and leave if a group causes issues.

Heartbreaks - don't judge, let them vent. Take their feelings serious, no platitudes. It's part of growing up and they will learn to navigate it.

Alcohol/drugs/crime - keep an eye on their socials. Don't belittle them but see them as people who you want to respect but who also have to earn that respect. Make sure you always have their back and that you are willing to help as most likely things will go over their head.
But an 11 year old is not the same as a 14/15 year old, you learn as you go along.

It's nothing to be sad about, OP. And very quickly it will be totally normal for you, and for her. Not all teens are terribly difficult. Mine aren't!

My youngest starts secondary and my eldest goes to university this September. I'm dreading it, will be the end of an era.

My youngest has quite significant SEN including being emotionally delayed by 7 years.

I am here with you 🎵

heads up to all this thread is from May last year. I hope that the OP and all on the thread are doing ok if their kids went up to secondary!