DS and partner have bought a house. I’m equally excited and sad that he’s going to leave home.

[Nappingdog]

I don’t know how to think! A mixture of happiness and sadness. DS (almost 24) and his lovely partner have worked hard to save a deposit for their first home, hopefully they’ll move in around 2 months or so.

Theyve been living with us for almost 3 years so I’ll be glad in some ways to have the extra room and lower bills but I can’t get my head around my boy not living with us!

Weve never lived anywhere else and so his room has been his room since a baby. They’re moving about 5 minutes drive away - what’s the etiquette? Do we have to let them know we’re popping to see them? Do we wait for an invite? Just call in?

We have a lump sum of money to gift them to help with furniture etc and bigger items but I did think of putting together a kitchen bundle of mop, bucket, cloths, cleaning items. This is all new to me and I don’t want to be the overbearing MIL but would love to help.

When I think of the day they move out I feel ready to cry, our kids are not with us long, cherish every moment as time flies.

My daughter who is 5 often tells me she wants to live with me forever and never leave 🥰 know I’ll be happy for her of course but I imagine it’s very bittersweet!

Well done to them! Definitely don’t just pop round without asking. Have you got a WhatsApp group set up with them? You could send a quick message on there asking to see them each time. But do give them some space, they’re going to want to settle in together.

I never just pop in, always wait to be invited.

Oh yes do not just pop in without prior warning or being invited!!!

Happened to us 2 years ago and we’d had the GF here 50% of time for a year beforehand and DS had been back since Covid. I found it tough as they were so excited to go as we got near.
GF is very organised and particular so wouldn’t have bought anything without offering and discussing.
We see each other approx every 10 days I’d guess. Sometimes at my suggestion, sometimes at theirs. Occasionally I just take the same train as my son to London for work to catch up, but that’s rare, usually I go 45 mins earlier.
Good Luck!

Be proud you DS and partner saved their deposit and are buying their own place. My son left last July. He comes home for dinner on Wednesday as a homemade lasagna night. He often pops in for half an hour and has a coffee after he goes food shopping as passes our door. He only lives about 3 miles away. He invites DH who is his stepdad and me over for dinner about once a month. He doesn't start work until 10am so sometimes texts me would I like to go out to breakfast with him before work. He also goes for occasional curry with stepdad. When my DS left I let him take a bag full of cleaning things from my stock cupboard and I took him food shopping and bought him his first shop including lots of stuff for his freezer and stuff like cling film, foil, clothes pegs etc.

Always give warning and read the room don’t go every day!

I wouldnt gift them cleaning stuff etc… If I’d been living with my parents/in laws for 3 years with my partner I would want to choose my own.

I think part of the fun for them is choosing all their own things so I would give them the money but not choose anything for them.

They've done really well to buy somewhere at such a young age. I know what you mean though about missing him.

It's really horrible when they leave home! You will get used to it very quickly though.

Never, ever just pop round. Always check well in advance or wait to be invited.

You could also invite them to yours, Sunday lunch or BBQ for example

I wouldn't give a bundle of cleaning supplies - could be interpreted as you thinking they wouldn't keep their place clean if you didn't buy them. Better to buy them a bottle of champagne for their first night.

Definitely invite them round to yours for lunches, barbecues etc.

Don't just pop in, they might want to just lounge around in their pants and they don't want to worry that someone is going to just turn up.

One of the most useful gifts my mum got me when I moved out was a sewing kit with all the bits I needed in it. Something I’d never have thought of myself but as I’ve got older very useful!

Don’t just pop in, ever. Always ask, especially when babies appear.

Ask your son’s girlfriend if she’d like some cleaning materials as a housewarming? Stuff a bottle of fizz in the bucket with it?

Alternatively a card & voucher for Dunelm or similar?

My offspring come here regularly for Sunday lunch of Friday supper. I’m regularly invited to theirs. I never pop in uninvited.

Our kids are only on loan to us. Never intrude.

Please don't ask your son's GF if she'd like some cleaning materials as a house warming gift 🤣

Food hamper for a gift with some nice fizz and treats for their new home! If they are only moving 5 mins away I’m sure you will see them lots still, but no popping in. But I bet they will pop into you loads and leave with wine/toilet rolls/ etc 🤣

My parents bought me a hammer drill when I bought my first house, it's still in use 30 years later. Much better than cleaning materials.

This is such a lovely relationship you have with your ds xx

My dm balled her eyes out when I moved out. I saw them regularly and they came to mine, especially my df who would come feed and care for my cat. I was 25 years old at the time. It was the best investment and I’m 48 now.
Df bought me some large furniture and dm white goods for the kitchen. I didn’t ask for it, they were just proud of me and wanted to do something.
I saw them regularly and we’d go on days out, so it wasn’t like I didn’t see them, it was a 15 minute drive away.

The money will be fantastic but let them buy their own things. It’s their house and that’s the fun bit.

"Ask your son’s girlfriend if she’d like some cleaning materials as a housewarming?"

Oh dear, please no.

In response to the replies above, popping round depends on the culture within your family, my in laws just pop round whenever and it's fine. Just don't assume it's ok before you start doing it!

Don't just call in, when they move let them know to ask if they need help with anything and to let you know when they're ready for visitors. You could offer to go round with a batch cooked meal the day after they move. Things are still in boxes and cooking is a pain.

Always at least text before going over.

I wouldn't bother with the cleaning supplies, there are all sorts of options and people like to choose the scents of their home and stuff.

Considering the UK housing crisis this is amazing news op... congratulations!

Oh and think of it like a party...better to leave while you're still having fun than outstay your welcome. These boards are full of mums who are fed up of their adult kids still living at home 😂

Give them time and space to enjoy their new home and don't be too much as it isn't about you now. It's about them and the next healthy step of their relationship and adult lives together. I would give them a voucher or money for them to put towards whatever they choose rather than cleaning items. Always get in touch to check if suitable time to visit but don't be too demanding or sentimental, it's not healthy. You've done your job raising your son to be an independent adult, now let him get on with it in peace and with your blessing.