Can someone talk to me about recovering from grief please?

[CapitanSandy]

I’ll try not to ramble. I’ve had 2 bereavements since December( a close family member and a colleague) Both unexpected. Alongside a stressful job helping vulnerable people.

Ive had times where I’ve been coping okay but since my colleague died I’ve been struggling. Everything has come to the surface. Low mood, loss of interest and a bit of anxiety

I’ve been signed off, I’ve started counselling and I’m starting sertraline next week. I need to feel better. While I’m happy for them it’s so hard to see family move forward while I’m mentally stuck in December.

How did your journey with grief go? Is there anything else I could do to help myself?

I've also been making an effort to do things/go places that I don't associate with the person I lost. Nostalgia is comforting, but I can see where I could easily allow myself to get stuck in the past, always longing for things to go back to the way they were.

So I try a new coffee shop or take a different walking route, etc. Eventually (hopefully!) I'll be making new memories.

I think this is what I’ve been doing. The feeling of living life being a betrayal resonates with me too.

My son’s dad died 2 years ago when my son was 9 (I wasn’t in a relationship with his dad when he died so I wasn’t grieving which was helpful).
He was devastated. Him screaming “no no no daddy daddy daddy” when I told him, will haunt me forever. He’s an incredibly sensitive boy and it broke him. As his mum I panicked as I didn’t know how to help him, the only thing I came up with was to keep him busy but also talk to him a lot. Even now we talk a lot about daddy-I tell him stories from when he was little/funny little stories and send him pictures to his phone daily when old picture come up on my Timehop app. He loves it.
He slept in my bed for the first full year so I re did his room up and got him back in but even now he sometimes gets in with me.

He had counselling at school but he said she was useless and he much preferred speaking to me about it all…which was lovely to hear. It’s great to know I’ve helped. He went through the anger stage but it lasted only 2 weeks.
He has a great friendship with 2 boys who he is able to be open with and both have been a real support for him which is wonderful.
I think just allowing him to do what he wants in his down time-which is gaming and chatting online with friends or playing football. He had a relapse in his mental health recently when it came up to the anniversary of his dad’s death and I think that’s how it will be for years to come. We just had lots more cuddles and chatted and tried to make each other laugh. I think an important thing is I’ve always said it’s ok to feel your feelings, whatever they are. Bottling it up isn’t healthy.
so sorry for your losses, all of you.

@Hemakesmesmile2 I’m so so sorry for your son’s loss, such an awful thing to go through so young. You sound like an amazing mum❤️

My sister died when I was 8 months pregnant. My friend 3 months later and a year later my mum. All in the last 3 years.
Absolutely devastated. Having to look after my children helped with distraction and avoiding everywhere we used to go together.
Discovering Dolores Cannon basically saved my life. Getting stuck into her books is the reason I'm still here. Everything makes sense now.

I’m so sorry for your losses that’s such a lot to process. I’ll look up Dolores Cannon

I’ve buried mine, lost dh, my aunt and my mum in the space of two years.

i just don’t have time to grieve. I have problematic teens.

unfortunately it’s really starting affect my mental and physical health, I have no one to talk to and even if I did I don’t have the privacy.

@blackheartsgirl I’m so sorry nothing I say will provide comfort that is such a lot to
endure

I had a day out today for the first time in ages. Felt strange at first then a bit more normal. I’ve got a fab counsellor now.
Little steps.

@CapitanSandy Excellent news about the counselor! Like I said in my first post, therapy has by far been the most helpful thing for me.

Things have been getting easier in tiny increments. I'm making a huge effort to stay reasonably busy and to see friends socially (even if I don't feel like it). Accepting that this is my "new normal" and trying to find small things that bring me moments of peace and happiness. Feels like progress.

Can I recommend something? Griefcast. It's as podcast with comedians talking about someone they've lost. I think of it was spark notes for grief - they say stuff and I think oh yes that's how I feel too. Plus it's comedians so it's a bit lighter.

@CulturalNomad Well done! You’re doing great