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Original poster

School Transgender advice

56 replies

TealKoala · 03/05/2024 16:49

New to posting so, please forgive me if I get any protocols wrong. We have read previous posts about transgender and changing rooms but this is a different scenario.

I wanted to ask your advice about a situation we are currently facing.

Our AD (straight girl) was violently attacked in the PE changing rooms this week, we have seen a video and it was really aggressive. There was not a teacher in the room whilst this was happening.

School called me fairly quickly to say she had been hit and they would investigate and get back to me. It took until 6pm the next day to get a call (after me chasing). I had raised the obvious safeguarding of no teacher present and a pupil videoing.

Later that evening I found out that the girl that attacked our daughter was in fact transgender and born a boy. We have every empathy for this girl's situation and respect her life choices, to a certain degree I can understand that in an effort to not draw attention to her being different she is changing in the main changing room and not a separate changing room.

I have written back to the school asking about safeguarding with this new information and again not received a response. Our question is how do we proceed?

We really don't want to make a difficult situation more complicated or draw attention to this girl as so far she appears to be getting through school with minimum disruption.

However, when we saw the video of the attack something didn't feel right, (especially as we were told this is the first time anything like this had happened) the anger and aggression and the force of the punches were something else. It now makes more sense, as it was a boy doing the attacking. Our daughter was trying to talk to her to sort a misunderstanding and did not fight back in anyway.

The aggressor has been suspended for a few days. We want to ensure that this doesn't happen again but don't know how to proceed. No violence is acceptable but if this were a boy on girl attack or say a husband on wife attack this would be absolutely unacceptable and the punishment more severe.

What would you do? Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 03/05/2024 17:02

I'd report the asault to the police
Male born children shouldn't be changing with the girls regardless of how they identify

OceanicBoundlessness · 03/05/2024 17:20

I agree, report to the police.

Ask for a meeting with the school. Treat it as a fact finding mission.

Safe schools alliance should have some good info to help you formulate some questions.

There are two issues here.
One that your daughter was put in a situation where she was more easily attacked by a male.

Two, the privacy and dignity of your daughter and other girls.

HermioneWeasley · 03/05/2024 17:25

Police about the assault and yes I’d be looking up the rules about changing rooms in schools. I’m pretty sure that toilets are required to be single sex. I’d also be asking to speak to governors and considering suing the school (and perhaps specific individuals) for allowing such a patently unsafe practice

titchy · 03/05/2024 17:28

There is CCTV in the female changing rooms?

WibblyWobblyWeeble · 03/05/2024 17:29

I'd go to the Police too.
A boy violently attacked your daughter, and he shouldn't have been there in the first place.
Males have no place in females changing rooms.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/05/2024 17:33

titchy · 03/05/2024 17:28

There is CCTV in the female changing rooms?

No it states it was a pupil videoing which is another safeguarding fail

BigcatofBodmin · 03/05/2024 17:33

I'd go the police as well. If this is true, it's utterly horrifying. There should be no males in female changing rooms. I would also share this with the other mothers of daughters in the year group - any decent parent would be horrified!

SimpleJoys · 03/05/2024 17:34

The born-male pupil shouldn’t have been in the girls changing room. If they need to get changed away from the boys then they should have a separate space made available.

This child (regardless of the gender identity element) has demonstrated that they are a threat to other student’s safety, and school should therefore have a plan for how they will protect children moving forwards (whether that be supervision in changing areas, or this particular child changing separately).

The gender issue is a bit separate; because you would still have an issue if your child has been assaulted by a female-born student. Although the additional strength of being male-born may have made the attack more ferocious.

Hugosmaid · 03/05/2024 17:38

TealKoala · 03/05/2024 16:49

New to posting so, please forgive me if I get any protocols wrong. We have read previous posts about transgender and changing rooms but this is a different scenario.

I wanted to ask your advice about a situation we are currently facing.

Our AD (straight girl) was violently attacked in the PE changing rooms this week, we have seen a video and it was really aggressive. There was not a teacher in the room whilst this was happening.

School called me fairly quickly to say she had been hit and they would investigate and get back to me. It took until 6pm the next day to get a call (after me chasing). I had raised the obvious safeguarding of no teacher present and a pupil videoing.

Later that evening I found out that the girl that attacked our daughter was in fact transgender and born a boy. We have every empathy for this girl's situation and respect her life choices, to a certain degree I can understand that in an effort to not draw attention to her being different she is changing in the main changing room and not a separate changing room.

I have written back to the school asking about safeguarding with this new information and again not received a response. Our question is how do we proceed?

We really don't want to make a difficult situation more complicated or draw attention to this girl as so far she appears to be getting through school with minimum disruption.

However, when we saw the video of the attack something didn't feel right, (especially as we were told this is the first time anything like this had happened) the anger and aggression and the force of the punches were something else. It now makes more sense, as it was a boy doing the attacking. Our daughter was trying to talk to her to sort a misunderstanding and did not fight back in anyway.

The aggressor has been suspended for a few days. We want to ensure that this doesn't happen again but don't know how to proceed. No violence is acceptable but if this were a boy on girl attack or say a husband on wife attack this would be absolutely unacceptable and the punishment more severe.

What would you do? Any advice gratefully received.

I’d be 100% phoning the police. The school will be working hard at covering their own arses on this on.

I hope your DD is ok, watching the video must have knocked you sick.

She was violently assaulted and he needs to arrested

Dangerousfemale · 03/05/2024 17:40

Definitely report to the police. As well as justice for your dd it's puts the school, the child and his parents on notice that this behavior will not be tolerated and has serious consequences. Girls need to be protected from boys and should always be separated in private spaces such as changing rooms, toliets and hospital wards.

Original poster
TealKoala · 03/05/2024 17:47

titchy · 03/05/2024 17:28

There is CCTV in the female changing rooms?

No CCTV, a pupil recorded it, which is a whole other safe guarding issue! Although, once made aware of it's existence by us and my older son obtaining a copy so we could forward to school. They have called in as many people and made them delete but I am sure there are multiple copies still in existence 😢

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 03/05/2024 17:49

Don't delete your copy so you have evidence for the police

Flopsy145 · 03/05/2024 17:50

Born with a penis = in male changing rooms. The kid needs to be expelled

JosiePosey · 03/05/2024 17:52

I'd report the police too. I'd also let everyone else know there is a violent boy in the girls changing area, and I'd refuse to let my dd do pe until that was rectified.

terriblyangryattimes · 03/05/2024 17:54

Surely the person filming it should be reported to the police too - filming in a designated area for children is surely some sort of crime?!
I really hope your daughter will be okay, what a horrible thing to happen.

VaddaABeetch · 03/05/2024 17:56

Don’t dance around the fact that this boy is trans. He wasn’t being’kjbd’ when he was punching your daughter.

He violently assaulted your daughter.

A male should not be in the girls changing rooms for privacy, dignity & safety.

Timeforachocolate · 03/05/2024 17:58

I would contact the police and use the video ( keep a copy for evidence) as evidence.

EveSix · 03/05/2024 18:00

Is this a mainstream local authority school or academy in England, OP? What year group? Safeguarding around changing rooms is pretty robust in many regards, so this feels really off; I can't imagine that a school with any nouse or even the most basic safeguarding compliance would put themselves in a situation where this could occur. Our policy is that we don't even have children of different ages in changing rooms together, so how a male child has been placed in female changing rooms seems outlandish for all sorts of compliance reasons. It just wouldn't hold water in any risk assessment?
I imagine it must be a private setting?

elevens24 · 03/05/2024 18:02

Contact the police straight away. Don't rely on the school to do anything about this. Given that she was attacked by a male, they will most likely try and minimise it.

Original poster
TealKoala · 03/05/2024 19:45

EveSix · 03/05/2024 18:00

Is this a mainstream local authority school or academy in England, OP? What year group? Safeguarding around changing rooms is pretty robust in many regards, so this feels really off; I can't imagine that a school with any nouse or even the most basic safeguarding compliance would put themselves in a situation where this could occur. Our policy is that we don't even have children of different ages in changing rooms together, so how a male child has been placed in female changing rooms seems outlandish for all sorts of compliance reasons. It just wouldn't hold water in any risk assessment?
I imagine it must be a private setting?

Not sure if my last reply came through. Yes, it's a mainstream, local authority run school and my daughter is year 8.

I have been told the safeguarding officer has sent a note to the head of PE but what the outcome was I don't know. To my mind leaving such a crucial post should be disciplinary offence

OP posts:
PurpleChrayn · 03/05/2024 19:48

Why on earth would you have empathy for this violent individual who invaded girls' space and attacked your daughter?

MargaretThursday · 03/05/2024 19:57

terriblyangryattimes · 03/05/2024 17:54

Surely the person filming it should be reported to the police too - filming in a designated area for children is surely some sort of crime?!
I really hope your daughter will be okay, what a horrible thing to happen.

They may have been filming it to try and protect the victim. Even if they weren't then at least there is now evidence, so the school can't deny that it happened and who it was.

Smartiepants79 · 03/05/2024 19:57

This IS a boy on girl attack! This child is not suddenly magically a girl just because he says so.
It is not normal for an adult member of staff to be in the room whilst children are changing (not in any school I know about anyway) so I’m not surprised they were ‘unsupervised’
Your child has been violently attacked by another in some ways what type of child is a bit irrelevant.
Was there any reason given for WHY he attacked her?

EveSix · 03/05/2024 19:59

TealKoala · 03/05/2024 19:45

Not sure if my last reply came through. Yes, it's a mainstream, local authority run school and my daughter is year 8.

I have been told the safeguarding officer has sent a note to the head of PE but what the outcome was I don't know. To my mind leaving such a crucial post should be disciplinary offence

Show quote history

Seriously, OP, this is a policy decision that should be way above any single head of department. If a local authority school, email LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer) at the council with your concerns.

Screamingabdabz · 03/05/2024 20:02

It’s common assault and a criminal offence if the perpetrator is over the age of 10. If that was my dd I would do everything in my power to get the full force of the law behind it. Police for the violent little shit AND I’d be pursuing legal action against the school. Keep the video as evidence and get as many witness reports as possible.