When does being a mum actually get better?

[HunterGather]

I'm a FTM to an almost 4 month old and while I've had enjoyable moments here and there, for the most part I've found it both boring and stressful. Baby doesn't seem to like the pram or carrier so it's hard to get out and about and every day is just the same, sitting at home, feeding, changing and putting to sleep. People keep saying it'll get better but I have no idea when? I'm so tired and bored atm.

Oh I found the baby stage so very boring - and I know a lot of mums who felt the same and really came into their own when their little ones were more active, which I feel starts from about 6 months onwards when they start weaning and moving.
I would say try and get out even if your little one doesn't like the pram. I would have literally gone insane if it hadn't been for walks and getting out and about a bit x

about 3 when they can talk properly, sleep, go to the toilet on their own.

I liked the baby stage, but it wasn't until around age 1 that I really started to enjoy spending time with my child. Babies are intense and thankless: toddlers are much more rewarding.

@Cheesepleease I thought this too, until my friends with older children talk about their adult children coming home with stressful adult problems.

Im not sure any age is easy. Im currently home educating mine and Im shattered. I didnt want to home educate (although now Im doing it, I can see the children thriving) but hey ho!

I would look at getting them used to the pram/carrier so that you can go out and to baby groups to meet and talk to other mums etc. I didn't like the baby stage, it can be isolating, a big transition from having a career and working with other people/lack of sleep. Gets better when they start to smile and interact more.

I found the first 12 weeks so hard and the rest of the first 6 months a slog. Gradually gets more enjoyable. Walking steadily, being toilet trained, being able to tell you what they want, these were the biggest improvements for me. It does steadily get easier and easier.

Then I had another one and back to square 1 😂. Youngest is 2.5 now and it's a nice age, he can do all of the above. Oldest is nearly 6 which is amazing, she's so much fun.

From a baby perspective, I found 6 months onwards easier than the first few months. In terms of ages, my DS is now 4 and an absolute delight. Definitely my favourite age so far.

When I started to feel myself coming back and a bit of freedom was 3 onwards.

8 is a golden age! Between 5 and 13 is brilliant.

When you go back to work. Mat. leave was miserable.

It scares me to hear I could be waiting another few years to enjoy parenting! I hope at least incrementally it gets a bit easier as the months go by...

@jennylamb1 I do try but she cries so much in both that it makes it hard to do anything.

We all survived it! The cuteness gets you through.

When they leave home...!

Do you go to baby groups OP? It helps to chat to other parents.

Sorry you are struggling. These comments aren't very helpful.
I don't think it is about age rather it is about what you can do with them.
I had one baby that would sleep in the pram so my maternity leave was all about chatting in coffee shops. Then another that couldn't lie down without reflux but I could do lots of carrier walks.
Don't put yourself under too much pressure to enjoy it but do try and experiment to find what works for you.
Can you work out what makes your baby cry when you go out?
Would a more upright pram or different carrier help? If you have a sling library you could try some there and see if any are more comfortable for them.
If the pram is fine maybe just go out and they might stop crying when you are actually moving

The early months are very relentless and often boring. For me I probably enjoyed them more from 10 months in when they start to move more , and express themselves and be more interactive generally, but it's different for everyone. Hang on in there, it'll get better!

I'd agree with the poster above who said its not about age range.

My first was really hard until 6 months because he was terribly sick and windy... we know now it was a dairy intolerance but none of the health professionals at the time mentioned it because he was putting on weight... he is 5 now and most of the time is amazing but can answer back!

My second DS is 3.5 weeks old. He clearly doesn't have a dairy intolerance as he is an absolute dream with feeding, sleeps well and aside from a few days of his witching hours (most like 4 hours) he has been lovely. Terribly boring I agree, but it's a different experience to my first.

I'd second maybe trying a sling library.

I also didn't really enjoy the baby bit, someone described it as "busy bored" which I totally related to. I had a baby that was ok with pram and sling, but didn't bf and wouldn't go on a playmat or in a bouncer for aaages so I mostly was walking around endlessly in the streets (winter baby!). I loved him of course but I felt quite resentful that I couldn't do anything I fancied and it felt like all I got in return was sleepless nights and sore ears!

It got better for me when he could sit, again when he could crawl and much better since he started walking. He's almost 2 now and though it's still hard (seems to have forgotten how to sleep again and seeing the start of tantrums) it's SO MUCH better than it was. He wants to involve you in playing with toys, can watch 5 min of a cartoon independently and shows excitement about things you show him. He's starting to talk which is also fun and I anticipate will help things improve again. H and I were saying last night that end of nappies and when he can put his own shoes on will also be huge haha.

That being said, I still do struggle- and that can be normal and ok! It's a huge change, and inevitably they now have to come before you. Don't get down on yourself for finding it hard- it IS hard. And it doesn't mean you are doing a good job. You'll see from my previous posts that I've not found this easy, and I don't really see us having a second for those reasons. But that's ok, I'm doing my best and so is he.

I hated the baby stage as well, and found they got more interesting when they were older. It can relentless , and lack of sleep doesn’t help.

if you can, go out and get fresh air every day - it helps.

Also, are you going to any mum/baby groups. It’s good to talk to other mums about what you are going through, Eastenders etc.

I have a 4MO and I've literally just text my husband having a rant 🤣 how the chuff does anyone with a baby get anything done?! He wants constant engagement and entertainment. I let him watch dancing vegetables when I'm making dinner but I can't just let him do that all day. People say oh just strap him to you, but how do you change bedding, clean out an oven etc with a big lump of a baby strapped to your chest?! I'm so bored of sitting on the living room floor shaking a rattle in his face. He does like the pram so I do go for walks, but what am I meant to do when I have jobs to do around the house 🤯

I also have a 3YO and I remember this stage being the hardest with him too, for the same reasons. Things improved when he was on the move and he could crawl around the room and play with a few things. It got better again when he started to walk.

I think different people manage different stages in different ways. Although, absolutely exhausting I actually enjoyed the baby stage. I like the routine of it. I found the toddler stage really hard. It's just getting better now. My kids are 4 and 5 1/2.

Could you try a harness / papoose?

It started to get incrementally easier from about 4 months. Then DC’s reflux started to ease, feeding started following a routine, they were able to sit up and started to do some basic play. At 5 months they started to understand bedtime and it meant I got evenings back. At 6 months they started to interact a bit more and not just be a sack of potatoes to cart around.

It got significantly better when I went back to work at 9 months. I think it was small increments until I went back to work. They’re 2.5 now and it’s mostly OK, still some bad days but nowhere near as bad as when they were a baby.

To the OP my sympathies, I hope that your experience changes soon. It’s tough when things are not working out the way that you had imagined, however babies are constantly evolving beings, so things could change really quickly for you.
In the meantime, can anyone give you a few hours off so you can go out and be yourself for some freedom time?
This is for expecting first time parents, life experience goes both ways. I fully expected to find early motherhood nothing but nappies, feeding and crying babies. To my surprise I loved it, so don’t read this thread and despair.