I don't like to sit next to brown people

[newnamesash]

DD in year 1 said that during lunchtime, one of her friends (white British) told her "I don't like to sit next to brown people, but I like to sit next to you." I can't help but wonder what/who makes a 5 year old think like this.
DD's school is quite multicultural and embraces diversity, beliefs, and people from different countries and cultural backgrounds.

It almost certainly comes from the parents. Children barely notice skin colour at that age

I think your thread title is maybe a little misjudged, could you change it so you think? I cringed scrolling through Active Convos.

Ooops! How do I go about changing it?

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Seems like an embarrassing statement a small child would say because they don’t realise that it’s an issue.

I don't think this is completely true. Unfortunately I think children pick up on subtle, systemic racism that exists all around them. My DS (5) is mixed-heritage and he talks about skin colour a lot and says that he's not brown skinned (even though he is). He already seems to have internalised the feeling that having brown skin is not good. It breaks my heart.

Myself and my husband are not racist at all, and in fact we make sure never to comment on anyone's appearance in any regard. I also make a point of teaching my children that we are all equal, nobody is better than anyone, we all have the same worth, its what's on the inside that counts etc etc and STILL my children have come out with comments that left my mouth hanging open. My son said something that shocked me so much that I went into the school to speak to the teacher to a) explain that it does not come from home and b) to work together to help my son understand how wrong his thinking was (he was 8). My daughter aged 5 also made some observations that had value judgements attached to them and they DID NOT come from me or her father.

Kids come out with all sorts of shit. I'd mention it to the school. Maybe they can do some work on diversity with the children.

Tell the school - they will deal with this. At 5 they won’t necessarily talk to the child directly but rather give a lesson in diversity and inclusion.

Explain to your child why that’s not something we say.

have a quiet word with the teacher about what she said, not to point fingers or accuse her or her family of being racist but simply so the teacher can be aware and maybe do some generalised lessons on differences.

@Darkdiamond Yes, this totally backs up the point I was making. Children don't have to live in a racist home to develop racist views (I am not saying they will continue to hold really racist views into adulthood btw). I think we are being disingenuous and ignoring how prevalent racism is in our society by claiming that 'children don't see skin colour'.

I don't really want to mention it to the school and maybe get the little girl in trouble. It's not really her fault she thinks this way.

Tell the school, but say you don't want names to be mentioned. They may then be able to do whole class exercises about how we all different and the same in various ways.

That’s so sad, my own children genuinely don’t notice. I know this as a few years ago we had a lot of new children from Hong Kong start at the school. My daughter was in year1 at the time and told me a new child had started in her class, I said oh is she from Hong Kong too, as this must have been about the 5th child to join the class from Hong Kong that year and she looked at me and said I don’t know. I’ve not asked her. She hadn’t noticed that any of the children appeared any different to her and her other (mostly white) classmates

I like this idea. Thank you.

Almost certainly repeating something she's heard. Children don't generally notice things like skin colour, at least not in the sense of discrimination on the basis of. More likely to be parroting the opinion of someone close to her.

Although one of mine once complained she didn't like the (indian) twins in her class because they smelled like fajitas. I think their parents probably cooked a lot of curry and spicy foods but as they were her only experience of Indian people (tiny village) she assumed that this was why. 🤦‍♀️.

Children do sometimes get some funny ideas, it's just important to put them straight as quickly as possible.

We had to explain that diet is what causes your skin to smell of strong foods, not its colour. She then spent a week wanting to binge eat fruit winders before I realised why. 😂 Out of the mouths of babes and all that.

Not sure that's true. My DD went through a stage of commenting a lot about children with different coloured skin to her. But in exactly the same way she would comment that they have different hair colour or eye colour or different colour socks. There was no judgement or negativity. It was just an observation.
It did however make me feel very uncomfortable but was difficult to articulate to her why.
We had a conversation about how it can be rude to comment on other people's appearance but I left it general rather than specific to race.

DD is the same in a way, she thinks having brown skin and very curly hair isn't good. :(

May I point out that I didn't ask for my message to be deleted.

Neither did I. I think someone at MNHQ pressed the wrong button in error? Maybe they just meant to delete the offensive post.

It's awful isn't it? I knew he would encounter racism in his life but I think I imagined it happening later and being a specific incident rather than him absorbing the idea that his skin colour isn't the right one.

@HappierTimesAhead DS is 6 and full of questions of why isn’t his skin brown like Daddy’s nor white like Mummy’s. We say everyone’s skin is different and it doesn’t matter. He hates his wavy hair though :(