I'm sat here crying (a common occurrence) because I am so frustrated and fed up with my life and I just don't know where to begin in sorting things out.
I don't work and haven't for over 10 years due to initially taking time off when the kids were tiny, and then discovering that my eldest is autistic after he started refusing school. There's nothing I can do about this now - I've campaigned the school, local authority, MP, government etc and there's no suitable placement for my child so consequently he's at home with me. He has some work sent virtually and although it's not a lot, it takes an awful lot of time and effort to get him to complete it. I find this stressful and time consuming. He also has various different appointments to attend on a regular basis that are an hours drive away which takes up another big chunk of time. Everything else I do with DC is extremely stressful as he struggles with lots of things, not independent etc.
DH works full time running his own business. He tends to go to work later than average (9-9-30am) and consequently gets home around 7 by which point we've eaten. He then showers, eats dinner and puts youngest DC to bed and always falls asleep doing so.
He does the dishwasher about 50% of the time. Apart from cutting the grass and putting out bins this is the only household chore he does.
He also occasionally travels for work so can be away from a few days to a week at a time. This is rare but obviously everything falls to me during this time.
I am also a partner in the business but I do a minimal amount of work (few hours a week).
I do all other household chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning, food and clothes shopping, appointments etc)
I have absolutely NO other regular help and never have done. My kids have never stayed overnight at a grandparents for example. I could count on one hand the amount of times the GPs have looked after the kids. DM has said she could help out IF I get a job but she can only do two certain days so I'm limited.
DH has also broached the subject of his elderly mother coming to live with us in a few years as she can no longer manage on her own. He relies on me and takes it for granted that I will do a lot of things for him - he's assured me that her care would not fall to me but I just know that it would end up that way. I don't mean to be heartless but this would break me.
I'm giving you all this info because I'm desperately miserable. I'd love to be able to be going out to work and earning a decent amount of money, as well as having that sense of achievement but I don't have anyone that I can leave my kids with. It feels really unfair to me that DH goes to work and enjoys it whilst I feel like I'm stuck in a prison at home. I have brought this up with him multiple times and he has said I should get a job - my issue is that I have no real skills to put on my cv. I worked in multiple admin roles before having children so I've no "career" to return to.
Well done if you've got this far, any ideas on what to do/where to go from here?