Anyone who had to put their DC in nursery to return to work when their baby was 1 (or under) - share your experience please?

[user666555]

Hello,

Currently in ML and there's a good chance I'll need to return to work by the time my DD is one or even before then.

I feel anxious and the thought of sending my little one to nursery so soon fills me with dread. But the reality is that we're struggling financially as it is and my maternity allowance is due to stop in August so it'll only get worse.

Don't really have anyone that can look after her within the family unfortunately

What was your experience like? Pros/cons? Anyone who has multiple children - any difference in the child you put in nursery earlier?

Thanks

Dd was 4 months old when she went to Creche - many of my friends had DGPs or good local childminders to use but I had a job with long hours and couldn't find a minder locally, so dd went to the Creche near my office in the city and commutes with DH or I for 4.5 years until she got to primary school.

It was the norm at the time to go back after 14 weeks - I added a month of unpaid leave to the end which was very unusual. But money the way it was, and my job not having any cover, 'want that was what happened.

Dd did absolutely fine in Creche, settled well, had lots of people to play with and loads of toys etc. They had hot meals provided once they were eating but asked parents to send bottles and milk (breast, formula or water and measured out powder to mix) for those still needing them.

They were well looked after, all had outside play (or just fresh air before walking age) daily whatever the weather, naps were fine even up to nearly school age if needed but those who were not sleepers were also looked after with quiet activities.

We were lucky - they would give pain relief if needed, so teething etc was fine - only needed to stay home if sick. And they quickly got the measure of refluxy DD's habit of violent throwing up if she ate too much or too fast but knew when it was that (so clean up and change her) or illness (call us to bring home). There was not a lot of staff turnover at the time so they got to know their mindees.

It was hard in ways, but for me, I was also relieved to get back to work and being BiddyPop again and not "and what does mum think?" being my main interactions with adults.

Everyone I know sent their children to nursery or childminder between 9 months and just over a year. It's very much the norm where I live. For us it was a fantastic experience, brilliant nursery with long term staff who really cared about the kids. It was an independent nursery, I don't know if that makes a difference but they were very good at training and retaining staff. I did a placement there later as part of a course I was doing and never saw anything but good practice.

DD, now nearly 4, went at 13 months (I took a year's maternity leave and then tacked on all my accrued AL).
She's always done 3 full days. I chose a small, independent nursery with low staff turnover.
There have been pros and cons.

Pros:
-socialisation. DD was a pandemic baby and an only child, no other children in the family. The social aspect of nursery has been great for her development

-activities she enjoys but that I wouldn't be keen on doing at home, such as messy play and digging about for worms

-both DH and I have been able to keep working and my career has really taken off, which is just as well because the cost of living crisis hit just after my mat leave ended

Cons:
-food not great, lots of processed stuff like fish fingers, sausages and burgers often on the menu

-the first year we had back to back illnesses including trips to the hospital, she would get well, I'd send her in and a few days later she'd be ill again. This is because people send their children in ill all the time, some are even on antibiotics (I've seen the staff's medication list).

-at 1 you can't really make them understand that you're not abandoning them and will come back for them soon the way you can explain to a child over 2, for example. That makes leaving them hard.

Knowing what I know now, if I have another I'll look into unpaid leave or other solutions to enable me to stay home longer, maybe until 2. Personally I wouldn't send in a baby under 1, the baby period is crucial bonding time and also the attack on their still fragile immune system is brutal, babies deteriorate much faster from illnesses than older children. This is just my opinion and I'm not judging anyone else's choices though.

My oldest started part time at 12 months and my second child started part time at 2 months. Both happy, well adjusted teenagers. Be fussy about the nursery you choose and go for it.

My eldest (DS) was cared by grandparents until 18 months.
My youngest (DD) went straight to nursery at 8/9 months.

Eldest is awaiting an autism assessment and youngest so far seems neurotypical (they’re 3 and 5) so it’s probably unfair to make a direct comparison. However I will say that DD is bright, confident, flexible, and generally thriving. We’re planning to change childcare setting soon (for convenience due to distance between current nursery and DS’s school) and I have no worries about how she’ll cope because she just takes everything in her stride.

Most people have to return to work by the time their child is one. The majority will use some form of paid childcare. I have to say that I have found nursery to be a lot more reliable, and beneficial, than family care but maybe I have particularly useless, flaky parents 😂

My son went into nursery at 4 months. He loved it. It was close to my office so I could pop in to feed him in the early days. I knew he loved it because he cried when he had to go home!

He had a wonderful key worker in the baby room and she moved to the toddler room with him. He's now 16 and about to do GCSE's. He's a very stable and rounded young man - outgoing, confident and independent. I'm very proud of him. I've never regretted my decision.