Anyone who had to put their DC in nursery to return to work when their baby was 1 (or under) - share your experience please?

[user666555]

Hello,

Currently in ML and there's a good chance I'll need to return to work by the time my DD is one or even before then.

I feel anxious and the thought of sending my little one to nursery so soon fills me with dread. But the reality is that we're struggling financially as it is and my maternity allowance is due to stop in August so it'll only get worse.

Don't really have anyone that can look after her within the family unfortunately

What was your experience like? Pros/cons? Anyone who has multiple children - any difference in the child you put in nursery earlier?

Thanks

My 2 went to nursery at 7 months and 12 months for 3 days. I really struggled with leaving my first, I had no choice but I felt terrible, some study about the impact of stress/cortisol on babies came out the week before my first went and I was just wracked with guilt. I read everything I could, researched nurseries, would have posted on here if I’d known about it! We didn’t know anyone else with babies to ask either.

Overall though it worked out fine, she settled really quickly I made some nice mum friends and she stayed there until she went to school where she was also very happy. Sixteen years later she’s happy, stable, high achieving, never really had friendship issues etc. I honestly can’t see that it had a negative effect, maybe it did and it’s yet to show? Maybe I got lucky? Who knows but I did the very best I could at the time and I wish at the time someone had been able to reassure me because I tied myself up on knots and partly ruined my maternity leave with the worry.

Incidentally my second settled far less well at 12 months, would cry when I left which was hard. He seemed less happy at nursery overall and when he was 18 months I was able to reduce hours and had some family help so he went for 2 shorter days. Again I felt very guilty at times but I was talking to him the other day about how he used to cry at when I left him at nursery and (he’s a completely normal 14 year old now) he said oh I used to love nursery and started describing the room and his dinners and his friends in loads of detail. 🤷‍♂️

Currently going through this at the moment and hating it. I had family options before but now with multiple children am simultaneously interviewing nannies whilst trying out nurseries. This week I watched a 10 month old grizzly cry the whole two hours I was there and when I said she seems so sad they said oh she's a bit under the weather I think. No cuddles nothing. I hate to think they say she was fine when parents come to collect!

Ds1 and 2 both went in at 10 months to a crèche we knew from the area. We had checked it out too, they had a cot room and baby play room. Fab staff, left bottle bag in and food and nappy bag. They always came home clean and dry and happy really.

@Howisitnotobvious can defo relate. I worked PT at a few nurseries whilst I was at uni (under the same umbrella company but in different areas as I was a bank member of staff) and the staff would ALWAYS lie to parents. The company is a well-known early years setting so I was extremely shocked.

They'd lie to parents about how their child ate at lunch/tea time when they actually didn't. I felt it was so wrong as this could mean that the parent thinks their child has been well-fed and the child potentially goes to sleep hungry.

There were also children that had separation anxiety that were left to cry all day until their parents returned. I'd always comfort these children as I felt awful for them.

Lastly they'd leave the kids in their nappies for hours and start changing them all just before home time - again so wrong.

Obviously not every nursery is the same but it does scare me - like I said this is a well known organisation with many settings under their umbrella.

@MrsGalloway can defo relate to your post. I feel like I'm constantly stressing my maternity leave away. I think deep down I know she'll be okay but sometimes I worry about everything too much and work myself up over it all 🙈

Please don't try and worry about it.

Both mine went to day care at 6 months.

Both now strapping young adults finishing university.

Mine were all at nursery between 3 and 6 months. They are all happy, and have friends that they have known for as long as they remember. We also now have a wonderful set of friends that we met through the children growing up together.

Every single woman I know, except one, who had babies around the same time as me sent their children to nursery around 1 year. The odd person changed nursery for some reason but every single baby was fine. Having had two three year olds now, I can imagine little worse than trying to introduce a child to nursery at the age of 3. Unless you live in an area where women don't tend to work, nursery it absolutely the norm for babies, at least some days a week. I doubt few women relish it at first but it is genuinely fine.

DS started nursery at 4 months for 4 days a week then 5 days at a year old.

The nursery was fab and he settled in immediately (I was more stress than he was). Stayed there until he went to primary school.

Tbh it worked really well. As he was so young he never had any angst/separation issues and made good friends there who went to the same school so it helped a lot with that.

Even though he was one of the youngest in his school year again he settled in really well.

Didn't impact our bond/relationship and he still (uni age) remembers nursery and enjoying it.

I know it's not a path everyone wants to take but it worked for us and tbh I think he had more fun/activities and access to play opportunities and socialisation that he'd have had at home. I also really enjoyed the time in the evening and weekends we were together and valued it and frankly think I was a better mum as a result.

A lot depends on the nursery of course but if you find the right one it can work really well.

I went back to work after 5 months. My experience of nursery wasn’t good (even though it was Ofsted Outstanding): had 16 key workers and a broken arm. There was concern with ticking the boxes for ofsted than properly looking after & stimulating the children. I would never do it again. In hindsight, I should’ve got a nanny. Works out cheaper, they do more activities with the children, help with the cooking & laundry and build a relationship. The only issue arises with unexpected absence, but some workplaces now have emergency childcare as an employment benefit, you call a helpline and an emergency nanny is sent out. Check if yours offers it, and if it does I’d definitely recommend the nanny route.

Both DC went to nursery 3 days ago week at 4 months. Maternity leave wasn't as good 20+ years ago. It is what it is if you need to get back to work. Don't beat yourself up, just do what you need to do.

DC1 started nursery at 9 months and DC2 at 10.5 months, both for three days a week. Both enjoyed it, DC1 took a few weeks to settle in properly which is just their personality (more shy and anxious basically whereas DC2 is an extrovert).

They're only 5 and 2 now but they've both enjoyed nursery. DC1 is in reception and although thriving still sometimes says they wish they could go back to nursery.

Mine went at 5 months and was perfectly happy. I did have friends who had previously used the nursery though and references were good. I had to book a space very early. She had all the bugs going though in the first year - though has rarely been ill since - she's 20 now.

Mine went at 9 months and 14 months
Part time
Boh andolutel fine at nursery
Now both with first class degrees for RH unis and great jobs
You do what you have to do

Mums only got 18 weeks' mat leave when my first two were born. They went at 5 months, 7 months and youngest 10 months. Everything was fine.

I didn’t put my son in nursery, but (sorry to go against the grain maybe) wanted to return to work when he was 7 months old (which was also during Covid lockdown) so left him with a childminder 3 days a week and paternal grandparents one day and maternal another day. Honestly, and genuinely feels good to be ‘super girl’ and not just mum!!

Put my only child in this February at 9 months for 3 days a week as financially we had no choice and I had to return to work.
She cried at drop off for the first 9/10 sessions, however she now smiles at the staff and goes in no problem. Her talking has come on brilliantly and she is exhausted after her days there which means better nights sleep!

DD went to nursery full time at 6 months.
There are huge pros in my eyes
Due to being back in work we didn't struggle financially.
As she went to nursery earlier she didn't experience the separation anxiety older children did.
She is now 5 and we have a lovely relationship, she's happy and confident at school and I don't feel has suffered at all.
What I would say is myself and my husband parent completely 50-50 and we both put huge amounts of effort into family time / 1 on 1 time with DD outside of work hours. Often things like housework, laundry, admin etc can pile up as we focus on spending time with DD

My oldest went to nursery when I went back to work full time when she was 5 months old. She loved it. Now she is 9, confident outgoing, no anxiety issues and not afraid to follow her own path rather than the crowd.

I'm pleased we did it this way. I would say I love my job. I think that absolutely helps along with that fact I loved the nursery in every way.

DS I went back at 5 months. I was absolutely bored out of my mind on maternity leave.

DD I went back at 6 months.

DD went to nursery at 7 months. We sent her to a well known chain, and it wasn't great. Cots were in the same room as the play area and she regularly would come home having refused to have any milk (I was expressing as she was EBF) and having had only 15-20 mins sleep all day. Moved her at 10 months to a local family owned setting. I still to this day have so much affection for her first key person. She absolutely thrived at nursery. DS went to the same setting from 10 months old and he is the happiest little boy. DD is now at school and I think being in nursery (in the right setting) prepared her so well, and DS is thriving.

Choose well, don't be afraid to move if the setting isn't right for your particular kid, but nursery has been a wonderful experience for my family

Mine both went to full time nursery from 6 months - that was what you got back then. I was lucky enough to have a really good nursery - small, family run business with almost no staff turnover, my DC had the same keyworker the whole time they were there. And yes, they did get lots of cuddles, no babies left to grizzle for hours. I imagine it's different in big chain nurseries though, so I hope you find somewhere similar.

This isn't a criticism but you essentially went back to work leaving a potato. You skipped past the months you could have had with a fully interactive little person who you can show the world to.

11 months

for me it felt right to go back 3/4 days

Many years ago I had to send my two eldest to Nursery when they were 5 and 4 months old. The second was born 6 weeks prematurely so wasn't even really that old ! We lived abroad in a country where there was no maternity pay or help with childcare costs. However I did only have to work a couple of days a week and they were at a nursery which was on the site of the hospital where I worked so was able to breastfeed in my breaks. It was fine and they thrived and I think being so young they just got used to it. The staff were lovely, I'll never forget that nursery. My other two kids didn't go to nursery until much older as were back in the UK and had family around to help.