WWYD if your child refused to wear a coat

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...or a jumper, or anything with long sleeves. In fact he is wearing shorts and a t-shirt and then refuses to put on extra layers if we are going to go outside. I try not to fight battles, and I usually turn everything into a game and realise it's not worth causing drama over, but honestly this is starting to get me down! Generally he's always running around in a t-shirt but some days it's just too cold I think - eg 7 degrees - and I feel like I can't let him go out in just little shorts and a t-shirt.

Should I just let him out in all weather dressed like this or what? I don't want a battle of the wills and it's not worth it big where do you draw the line?!

He's nearly 4 btw.

No it isn't always a sign of ASD. Sometimes it is just them wanting to make their own decisions.

I'd not have a battle and take coat with me.

I'd save my battles for rudeness,, dangerousness, aggression towards others and being antisocial in public.

Unless we are having weather that comes with a warning that just a few minutes outside can cause frostbite, I do nothing. (Yes, where I live we get that sort of weather). I just bring extra clothing with me or send them with child.

now that dd is a teenager, I don’t even make her carry the coat with her to routine places, just new places where she might be surprised and actually change her mind. For example, I know she will never put a coat on going to school so I don’t bother, she might put a coat on if we are spending a whole day out and it’s really windy.

Do you know why he won't wear layers? Gets too hot, finds thick/tight/loose layers uncomfortable, doesn't want to cover up favourite clothes? You can probably find something he'll tolerate if you know what the problem is.

But unless he starts shivering or turning blue I wouldn't fight about it.

My DD’s the same (ASD). But she does ask for more clothes on the rare occasion she actually feels cold.

Not always a sign. My DD is just warm, like her Dad and brother. No ASD.

I would consider if they were neurodivergent and had sensory processing differences.

"Is this always a sign of ASD? Anyone's child not ASD and does this?"

Mine is NT. She just runs warm.

My DD is NT and does this. She runs hot. At home she is often in just her pants as she got hot. She hasn't worn her winter coat this winter. She is 8 now so it's easier as people don't judge as much. This morning she went to school in a summer dress and socks, with a jacket in her bag. DS had a fleece, coat and gloves!

There are boys at DS’s primary who wear shorts all year round and girls who wear skirts without tights. It’s more common than you might think.

I'm not ND and run hot, not so much as DS, but I'd far rather be a bit cold than even slightly too warm, I overheat easily and hate that feeling of getting hot as you walk along or if you go into shops because you have put too thick a jumper or coat on and would rather shiver. I only do coats up in biting wind or heavy rain or maybe if standing around for hours.

I would go out and just take a jumper/coat with us. Fairly standard kiddo stuff!

Unless the weather is practically apocalyptic, I let them get on with it.

Dd is nt and just runs hot - now in high school and they don’t have shorts option so has to wear trousers but wore shorts throughout primary. Her friends are all wrapped up and she’s normally used as a radiator to warm them up, discards her blazer at every possible opportunity.

My son 13yo is like this, always had been, not asd.

He's a total hot body. Radiates heat when most people are freezing - fantastic on a cold day when I used to hold his hand and not just for road safety. 🤣 I think he gets it off my dad who was the same.
In fact he hasn't even owned a coat for the last two years. The previous coat he had only because I got him one against his wishes, but he never wore it.
He has recently allowed me to buy him a coat but only because he's doing his Duke of Edinburgh and it was on the kit list and compulsory. 🤣

I just did as others said and had spare with me as back up, since he's got older he bears his own consequences, but I don't worry cos I won't be needing to mop up the tears these days.

I'd not be letting a 4 year old dictate to me. I'd be dressing him in appropriate clothing.

My youngest is always in shorts and Tshirt and doesn't have any signs of being neurodiverse (age 11 so assume we'd have spotted something by now).

She's just a warm kid, follows me really. I don't like my arms covered either. I make her take a pack mac in her school bag just to stop the teachers thinking I'm some sort of terrible parent who doesn't buy their children a coat. I think she's worn it 6 times over the entire winter (and often comes home soaking wet!).

@caringcarer great user name for your parenting style. 😁
Who decides what's appropriate though? Do you decide how hot the child feels on their behalf?

It's a missed opportunity for your child learn to use their own judgement if you divest them of their body autonomy and prevent them experiencing the consequences of their decision.

If it's a blizzard then I could see where you're coming from, but in most conditions, the greatest risk is they get cold at which point you can whip out your spare jumper before it turns to tears.

Sensory processing disorder is very common in children with ASD. It is also possible to be a standalone condition.

DS was this kid. He did graduate to longsleeve loose tshirts and long cotton trousers. I took the win.

SPD often has other markets. eg a resistance to putting on shoes which, in our case, was completely transformed after we swapped to seamless socks.

Over sensitivity to other sensations - taste and sound in particular. Even as a baby, we couldn't take DS into a coffee shop. The noise of the machines would have him wailing instantly. Don't even get me started on those hand drying machines.

He hated (and still does but sucks it up) having his hair cut. Or touched for that matter. Washing it was a huge challenge for years. Random strangers reaching out to stroke his head was a complete disaster. Putting on clothes was very stressful.

We didn't have taste issues, but lots do.

Agree with PP, sometimes it's just that people feel heat and cold differently, & children are often moving a lot so may not feel the cold as much.

For some autistic children and others with sensory processing issues they may not feel the cold but may still be cold - that's an interoception issue (brain and body not communicating very well).

My DS rarely felt the cold when he was little and has lots of sensory issues so found wearing a coat really uncomfortable, but was always on the move. As with PP we went with looking out for shivering / lips going blue but otherwise left him to it. Now he's older (since he was about 7-8) he feels the cold more and will get his coat (same when it's raining).

We've tended to get him fairly light raincoats with a fleece lining / softshell coats (Tog 24 do some, no idea if they're fashionable but works for us ) so as not to restrict movement and not to overheat him, which really helped.

My 2 daughters were like this but not diagnosed with autism until mid teens.
I'm sure it can happen without ASC but it's a very common autistic trait linked to sensory issues.
For example is it limited to coats or do they hate the seams on socks, rough transfers or embroidery on reverse of t shirts, do they have a favourite item of clothing they always like to wear, do they hate a sandy beach or the wind , do they get distressed/ play up in bright noisy places?

Anyway I didn't know what was going know when mine were little i often used to wrestle them into coats so they didn't get wet and cold and so I wasn't judged!
It's fine on a spring or autumn day to just carry a coat or layers with you, but it's it zero degrees or chucking it down with rain its another matter.
Sympathies!

@GerbilsForever24

"Don't even get me started on those hand drying machines."

My DH, who does most of the caring for our two, used to switch them off at the isolator high on the wall as he took them in to public loos, was torture for them otherwise. (He did switch them back on as he left.)

I spent ages trying to find decent seamless socks until I saw someone say you can just use normal ones inside out, ours are surprisingly fine with the inside-outness

If he’s not complaining of the cold, let him wear what he wants and carry a coat in your bag in case he starts to feel it. I have one like this, but he started screeching if he was too cold or legs got wet in the rain so now age 5 he’s willing to wear trousers etc!

Agree with this. Year 4 child’s assembly last week, it was a really wet day, not warm, and half the boys were in shorts and girls in skirts with socks. I see it all year round.

My 6yo boy is NT and he won't wear trousers and rarely a jacket. He doesnt feel the cold or at least he knows better than
to.moan about being cold if he's decided he's only wearing shorts. He's always got a lightweight jacket in his school bag