Housing question

[Bluebirthdaycard]

Hi, I've been on the housing register since last July. I have a 17 and 13 year old and no longer want to be with their dad. This is the reason I have given for requiring a property. I've been put on band c and have now just bid on my 31st property. I'm for the most part always ranked at over 20. Basically I'm losing hope and won't even be considered for a shared ownership, has anyone else been in my position to give me a bit of hope?

I really don't know, I should've done something a long time ago.

I was on the council list at 18. Care leavers are given a higher banding (in my area at the time anyway) not everyone has the privilege of aspirations at 18.

Yeah it doesn't sound like you'd have any claim on the house if you've moved several times etc. In some ways that's unfortunate, in other ways it's a blessing not to have the stress of a court case.

Do you know if the 17yr old is thinking of going to university? They may not want to live with either of you. You because temporary housing often isn't so great and your ex because he's a knob. They might fund their own way through university with loans and grants and a part time job and not come home in the holidays. I recommend a chat with them because they may want to get a part time job and start saving now, if that's the case.

I'm guessing the 14yr old would pick to stay with you, given your ex's attitude towards the DC. So you're probably looking at a 2 or 3 bedroom place, depending on what the 17yr old wants to do with their life. Consider that if you do enter into a joint tenancy with your oldest, you'll basically be house-mates and won't really be able to throw "my house, my rules" at them any more.

You sound proactive but also deflated. Maybe you didn't take action sooner because you felt ground down by the relationship? He does sound as though he falls short of being a top notch specimen of mankind. Anyway, you are where you are and you're doing something now. There will be a solution to your housing dilemma, you just have to figure out what.

Short term, do you have anyone you could sofa surf with if he literally kicks off the moment you tell him it's over and you find you're out on your ear? You might think he won't be surprised but I wouldn't be so sure. At the moment you've just got a sexless relationship with separate beds, that's a far cry from announcing you'll not do any "wifey" things for him at all any more or pay towards the mortgage and that you're taking steps to move out. He might be deluded enough to think you'd remain with things how they are forever, lots of people do and he might think you're ground down enough to never leave. He also might think you're trapped, since you don't own the house and only work part time. So he might be more surprised than you expected.

I don't think my ds wants to go to university he's got a part time job, goes to college, has a girlfriend in this area. My DD is settled in her secondary school after a long, testing time for her to be settled there. I could go and live back with my mum 25 miles away and have a longer drive to work but if I did, it would certainly impact my son's life as at the moment I'm his way of getting to college, work, girlfriend etc as while he's just started driving lessons, he's not overly confident so could take him a while to pass. We're semi rural so buses etc are unreliable.

I was told by all of my family to apply for social housing as soon as I was 18. My parents had all had social housing before being able to buy. It was just the done thing to go on the list back in the 80s/90s

My 23yo daughter is on the council list. Not because she doesn't have any aspirations but because a single salary doesn't allow you to buy a house any more. She works hard, she has a full time job and then a second job in the evenings but her wages just don't meet the requirements for a mortgage. She doesn't want to private rent as they are 2/3 of her wage in this area just for a studio or 1 bed and she doesn't want to share, makes more sense for her to live with me with that her only option. There is no financial help from family for her, I'm struggling too. Therefore going on the council list seemed sensible since technically we're classed as overcrowded.

Look at a 2 bed and sleep on sofa bed till your ds moves on to uni

I think half the reason of my reluctance to rent privately is the thought of lining a greedy, probably millionaire like who now owns the house next door and is now renting out. He befriended the miserable, friendless, childless woman next door, solely to get his grubby mitts on her house when she went and the thought of lining someone like his pockets with my money, is quite a galling thought. I appreciate this isn't always the case. Also paying exorbitant amounts of rent yearly, I'll never have a spare penny to save for anything better.

Depending on your oldest child's earning potential, tell them to see about getting on the housing list too. They may not be housed with you as not a dependent after 18. They can still try for their own place though.

I know it might not suit you, but if you want you can see about getting on the housing list where your mum lives too, she's your local connection.

Just an update, I have spoke to a mortgage advisor. I've been told I need to be earning in the region of £45000 to be considered for the SO house I've been interested in. There's no way I'm going to get a job paying that sort of wage, so I'm stuffed. I feel so despondent, I'm nearly in tears.

You also need to own your own mistakes.

I swear to god - if one more woman comes on here saying they are not married, work part-time and don't know anything about their own financial security I swear I will scream.

How can so many women be so bloody stupid.

And its not a generational thing - I am older than the OP

I've owned my mistakes if you read my post from the first page, I know I've been a bloody idiot, but thanks so much for kicking someone when they're down, much appreciated!😊

Given your whining about private rent - when that it what other people do in your situation, I think you need it. You are at least partly responsible so stop looking for easy ways out and take control.

I gather you're a homeowner and if you're older than me probably found it a damn sight easier to do it years ago. Very easy sitting on your high horse isn't it, bit like my kids dad! I said I've owned my mistakes, I'm not looking for an easy way out, just a possible way as at my age there is no way I'm going to be able to get a normal mortgage. Go and be nasty on someone else's thread.

Well, I certainly didn't have kids without being married - that was your basic mistake, made by so many women on Mumsnet. Over and over again.

and I'm 52. So no, it wasn't any different from that point of view

Why can't you private rent ? You have no obvious housing need so you won't get very far , just because you want to move out isn't a priority reason

I'll just have to look into private renting then.

@Bluebirthdaycard It is worth you seeing a solicitor. I know you're not married but you have had a long relationship, taken the hit career wise to work part time and look after the children, and you can evidence your contribution towards the mortgage. Yes it is much harder than if you were married but it doesn't mean it's a lost cause.

Just looking at rentals at moment, one looks promising. I could go to a solicitor as I think they give you half an hour free, so it's something to look into. Although, I'm pretty sure being unmarried and not on mortgage is not going to count for much legally. Thank you for your comment.

This is from a FAQ page on a family law solicitor's website;

Many people joined the social housing register when they were 18 because that’s when you can joined. What does disability have to do with anything? Not everyone can save for a mortgage….

Anyway OP, you haven’t been on the housing list for even a year and you’re already high 20s/low 30s whilst in Band C. I’ve never heard anything like that (obviously it depends where you live) but I’d imagine you only have a couple of years which is very, VERY good

Omg you’ve got to be kidding me? I think this is the worst post I’ve ever seen on the site.

I know that some people have great lives but can you genuinely not understand that not everyone is in a position to save for a mortgage? Are you able to comprehend that? Putting your name on the housing register does not mean you don’t have ‘high aspirations.’

So what should the people do that CANNOT afford to save for a deposit? Do they have low aspirations if they private rent instead of applying for a council/HA property? I know we can all have our own opinions but wow this is next level