I thought long and hard about posting this because it could be a bit outing but I really want to tell someone about it and kind of check the way I feel ? Hopefully it’s vague enough I have plausible deniability
I started a new role within the last 6 months. A really lovely department around 70 people made up of smaller teams of 20 odd people. I’m really happy with my team (semi-senior), the people have all been very welcoming. There is quite a social element to the team - a monthly day out (during work hours so mandatory but everyone keen to go) plus other socials, smaller dinner parties, break off groups going out, a big picnic once a year. Sorry just trying to set the scene.
Within our team there are two people who are in a couple, “Jenny and Tom”. Both in their early fifties, Jenny particularly has been really welcoming, Tom is quiet but helped me with a project when I first started. Both just normal, nice people.
Around a month ago we were on our team day out and one of the big managers came and sat with me during a break in the activity. He asked me how I’m getting on, if I’m settled in, how I’m finding the team. I said yes all lovely and mentioned Tom and Jenny. He got a kind of weird look on his face and said yes they’re really nice, glad they’ve made you feel welcome and sort of ended the conversation quickly and moved on. Slightly odd but ok. Later on that day Tom and Jenny were dancing together with some other people and I said to one of the other people sat with me that they made a nice couple.
She asked me if I “knew about them” and I said what do you mean? She said well has anyone told you about them? Again I was non-plussed. She then divulged that Tom is in fact married to someone else and has been in a relationship with Jenny for over 10 years. Widely, publicly known. He has a whole family 2 hrs away where he lives 3 days a week and a house here which he keeps for work.
She could obviously tell I was shocked and quickly just kind of said well they’ve been here since most of us started, it’s always been like that, it’s just a kind of open secret. I asked if his wife knows and she said no not as far as she knew and the times his wife had come to the yearly socials Jenny and Tom don’t interact.
Im so weirded out by this, they are like the most normal people you wouldn’t look twice at. But more weirded out that everyone just seems to accept it as none of their business (which I suppose it isn’t), his wife presumably/maybe doesn’t have any idea and that the whole team just kind of keep it a secret for them?