Be honest - am I just being lazy?!

[LazyDaysy]

I’m nearly 10 weeks pregnant and I have zero energy. Nada. Not sleeping great. Morning sickness is also quite bad although I have only vomited a few times. Smells turn my stomach, even perfume, and drinking water makes me gag.

I have a couple of in-person meetings on Monday and so said I’d go to the office. I really don’t want to. I haven’t been for weeks, since before my symptoms kicked in. It’s a long commute which involves driving and busy trains. I have no idea what to wear. I’m at that awkward end of first trimester stage where none of my clothes fit well as I am really bloated. In many outfits I think it’s obvious I’m pregnant. My manager and one colleague knows but I don’t want the whole office finding out just yet, nor to be self conscious of my outfit all day.

What should I do? I feel like if I’m honest, I will just look like I can’t be bothered which isn’t a great image. The meetings can and have previously been done over teams as it’s just conversational. I’m in a tizz over it and don’t know if I need to just get on with it.

I always wonder, also, why people who begin sentences with "you see" for no reason so frequently follow it with ignorant claptrap.

Not necessarily true at all. I felt much better later on.

Don't overthink it. You're pregnant and feeling like crap. The first trimester is exhausting, I felt fab in the second. Tell your manager you won't be in and have a day resting

I feel for you and I’m sorry you’re feeling rough. I was pregnant during the pandemic which was rubbish for many many reasons but I was so glad to not have to go in to the office.

Personally the exhaustion part never left me (though no periods meant my iron was in control for the first time ever so I didn’t have the monthly crash so overall it averaged out 😅), but the nausea ought to go! I think it is sadly the view is ‘power through’ unless you have that extreme sickness thing (HG). I would be cautious about over-doing it for the health of the baby - have you spoken to your midwife about your concerns at your checkups?

I’m not sure how early you can start Mat leave, but it is quite early if you don’t feel able to work. I’m pretty sure my work had a policy that if you took a certain amount of leave for pregnancy related illness then they just defaulted you to Mat leave, which would have been a bit rubbish later on when you’re returning to work!

I hope you feel better soon! X

What a shocking and awful post!
You didn’t (by all likelihood) lose your pregnancy because of hard work. You lost it because there was something wrong with it. I am sorry you had a miscarriage but that wasn’t your work.
How terrible that women are I’ll come on here, read this, miscarry and think then that they caused it. FFS. Think!!!!

Tell your manager that you can attend from home but the travel is is likely to make you puke because you are pregnant rather than ill.

Actually you have no idea why I miscarried and it WAS because of work. Baby had a lovely heartbeat but I was low in progesterone due to stress, this caused a placental abruption. Maybe don’t be so quick to judge something you know nothing about.

Sorry but I felt nauseous and unwell but I continued at work. It was unpleasant and, at times , tortuous but I persisted.
I was pregnant, not ill.
The generation before me fought to be recognised in the workplace whilst pregnant.
We now seem to simper at the slightest thing.

I had a job which required driving all the time when I was pregnant. Drove around 800 miles a week, plus office days and court hearings. I remember constantly having to pull over to throw up at the side of the road.

It is just what pregnant woman have to do. You will be fine, going in to the office is surely easier than your days out in the community?

I often parked in tesco car parks to take naps as that first trimester exhaustion was a killer!!

Save your sick days and sympathy for late pregnancy, trust me you'll need it more then 😆

If you’re vomiting or feel so sick that you can’t function then stay at home and work - but it doesn’t sound like you’re at that stage. I think you have to power through it, it’s part and parcel of being pregnant for many women and life has to go on as normal.

I'm really sorry for your loss, but I don't think it would have happened because you were working. I also miscarried twice at around 10 weeks. The first time I had soldiered on, the second time I really took it very easily. In between I got pregnant and had a baby, and I worked very hard all the way through the pregnancy and was very stressed. I really sympathise but I also would not want other women to read your post and blame themselves for losses that were just shit luck.

I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and just this one was because I overworked. My point was that I wish someone had given me ‘permission’ to rest when I needed to, instead of telling me to suck it up.

To be honest, 7-10 weeks I found really hard and had to tell work as I was a melting green puddle and struggling to perform. After about 14 weeks the sickness subsided and even when in third trimester I felt less 'ill'.

Yeah I’ve had 6 miscarriages. I also know about stress and low progesterone and sadly placental abruption. And I would be very wary of what doctors are saying and what you tell yourself. I’ve been there.
More importantly it doesn’t sound like OPs job is causing enough stress to cause this. It’s just not fair to make a post like that. The likelihood, when women every day are doing incredibly stressful jobs all over the world, is so very slim.

You missed my point, it wasn’t about what happened to me, it was about encouraging OP to make the right decision for her and not giving in to the pressure to ‘just get on with it’.

I would tell them about the nausea and vomiting, I certainly wouldn’t want you in the office.
Yes, women had to drag themselves in before and if you were customer facing or retail I guess you’d need to call sick or drag yourself in. You are hybrid and able to work from home, so it’s a reasonable adjustment imo.

I was 40 and felt great, I walked my Lab and lifted him in the car, went out to concerts etc. I had no nausea and if I had, I would’ve found it bloody exhausting!

Honestly I would just suck it up and go and if you are poorly then leave early.

I have sympathy as I had awful tiredness and sickness in my first trimester but it sounds like yours is partly psychological, as you say you didn’t want to go in anyway.

I’d try and save your sick days/excuses for when you really need them.

How far is the commute?
Could you make it easier by staying in a hotel over night or driving the whole way?

We can definitely all agree on this!

If you’re ill don’t go in. I think I went into the office 4/5 times in my pregnancy but I threw up at least once a day (usually 3/4 times) from 7 weeks all the way up to the day before I gave birth. Pregnancy affects everyone differently.

That said if you actually feel fine-ish then do go in.

I wouldn’t travel if I was feeling like you op, feeling shit in pregnancy is a genuine reason. If the meeting can be done online then what’s the issue? I think the pandemic forced us into a better way of working, my employer is making us go back to the office twice a week and everyone hates it, is less motivated and less productive. It feels like we’re going backwards now.
To the posters who think the op should just suck it up because they did, why can’t you be happy that pregnant women can have it easier now? Or if working from home was an option back then, would you have still gone into the office at a time when you were struggling?

Honestly? just go in. you are going to sink into a depression if you just keep wallowing. you are only 10 weeks...imagine when you are 20 weeks!

I think this is extreme. Have you never heard of anybody else feeling rough in the first trimester?

It’s exactly this, you’re right. I never take sick days so I feel so guilty admitting I don’t feel that great right now.

But that’s not the situation the OP paints. She’s due to go into the office for one day. One day out of weeks.

if she’s struggling wider than that then absolutely she needs to discuss further adjustments or the possibility of sick leave but that’s not what she’s outlined.

10 weeks is peak illness! Take that sick day and don't feel a bit guilty trying to wfh. I'm 13 weeks and 10 weeks was a killer, nauseous all day long and banging headaches not being able to concentrate one bit. It will get better so just listen to your body for the now and rest whilst it does its magic. X