Perimenopause making me want to be alone

[WonderingWhatToDo2024]

Is this a thing? Pretty sure I'm in perimenopause (age 41) and I just want to have the house to myself all the time or be asleep. I love my dh and son (6) but I just really love being in a silent tidy house. I also enjoy going out for walks alone with my headphones.
I'm lucky in that I do get a lot of alone time. I'm feeling irritated when my dh is home, I used to hate him going out but now I encourage it.
I guess I'm asking if this is a stage or will I always feel like this now.

Yes same here. I crave alone time, its my happy place. I hate socialising to point that if we have something planned it feels like the weekend is ruined. I didn't used to be like this and I hope I won't be like this forever. I'm 43.

Yes. Same here. Used to be very sociable now I like being by myself much more. But I also think we maybe get a bit less social anyway. And for me I'm often on social media or on WhatsApp groups so I don't feel too alone.

I totally get this.

Yes just wanted to be alone and peace and quiet but loved having my dog to snuggle up to. It has changed me socially definitely but am calmer now on continuous hrt since my periods stopped as I was still having them at 54.

Yes it's normal.

I spent a fair bit of time during peri in my bedroom, just trying to get some peace and quiet. I also fantasised about running away, and starting again somewhere new where nobody knows me.

Does it go back though? Or do we need alone time now, forever?

I feel like that too, I think I always have , it's not an age related thing for me. I love being in the house alone , I feel truly restored after some solitude.

I always feel like this but don't think it's a menopause thing.

I can fully relate.
I'm OK with plans with friends on a Friday. But I also feel like the weekend is ruined if friends plan things for saturday/Sunday day or eve. A weekend away with friends would mean I feel like I've not had a weekend at all. I used to be a party girl. I'm no longer interested in busy noisy pubs, would never go to a night club again. No to pub crawls or a pub with a band and it's busy with people edging past me with drinks being split on me, toes being trodden on, filthy toilets, cannot hear to talk.

I now also can't stand busy shopping places, I avoid supermarkets and do it all online. I'm def more happy at home.

I want to know this too!

Yep, I fantasise about my DH not being here. I wish he’d just leave.

Goodness me, all of your replies are just so relatable.
I adore my daughters (23, 18, 15) but they can't leave home soon enough. I love my dog so incredibly much, but wouldn't even get another when he passes.
Responsibility-free solitude is where I'm heading for retirement
I'm a single mum, so thankfully there is no man to worry about.

Another one here who understands OP! What makes it worse is that he used to work long hours in an office and now works from home. I absolutely hate it.

Can definitely relate OP. However I have found it has got a lot better now that I’m on a decent dose of HRT.

Bridget Christie did a great comedy series about menopause and being alone on channel 4. Brain fog means I can’t remember the name of it, but she essentially left home and ran off to the woods. It’s very funny and well worth a watch if you’re feeling like this.

This is me! I don’t live with my partner and luckily he’s very understanding about my need for time apart - if we’ve spent a couple of nights together I start to feel incredibly claustrophobic even though I love him to bits. Same with weekend plans, I hate being booked up too many weekends in a row and if I go away I usually take the Monday off work so I feel like I’ve had some downtime too.

It’s quite hard for people to understand though, I’m glad you lot get it!

@WonderingWhatToDo2024 I ended a 3-year relationship last year because of this 😅

I’m 48 and but I had definitely noticed this feeling creeping up on me for a few years.

He was a nice enough man but I the urge to be alone and do my own thing got the better of me.

When I realised that I’d rather spend Sunday decluttering cupboards on my own and listening to a good podcast than spending the day with him I called time!

I’m reading a book called Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler about a 40-year old woman who’s on the beach with her family one day and just ups and walks away 😬

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ladder-Years-Anne-Tyler/dp/0099479419

Absolutely feel like this too which is really not like me...I am normally happiest surrounded by people but recently I just crave the alone time.

I'm 45 and feel the same. I crave alone time and imagine a future living on my own in a little cosy house doing whatever I please.
But I have a DH and teenagers so not sure how that's going to work.

I live alone but feel similarly to @BigPandaTinyDragon about weekends. I used to relish a weekend road trip with friends or having people to stay for the weekend, or a city break somewhere, but at the moment I feel overwhelmed if I have a busy weekend and no time to just chill out at home. Same with evening plans during the week - too many things in a row and I start feeling a bit anxious.

I think some of it is down to tiredness - I don't sleep well any more - but also having a stressful job and working long hours. My weekends are the only time I have to decompress and/or do stuff around the house and garden. I am also an introvert and need alone time to recharge.

This is an interesting read. I’m 43 and also crave alone time. Never used to. I’m currently looking into ways to add another room to the house. Either a garden room or converting the garage. I just need some peace on quiet.

It's nothing to do with so-called "perimenopause". It's just that with maturity, we increasingly come to value our precious time alone. This is completely normal, and a good thing, so just embrace it and don't medicalise it - there's no need.

The Change.

I don't work Mondays and with the kids at school and DH at work it's the best, I look forward to it every week. I often spend a lot of it doing chores but always make time to bask in the peace and solitude.

Wow so it is a thing then! I definitely relate to feeling like I've not had a weekend if I've been social. My dh always wants to be out doing stuff etc but I just want to nap or read a book in bed.
Whether an age or perimenopause thing, I'm glad it's not just me.

I thought I might be depressed because I've also had thoughts of leaving my happy marriage for reasons I'm not sure of. I may speak to the Dr, I won't get hrt as still getting periods but maybe something else will help.

So glad to hear I'm not the only one.

DH said to me, it's like you'd prefer it if I wasn't here. And I kind of would. Although, I love him and enjoy his company. I crave time by myself.

I've changed to four days a week so mainly get a day to myself. I do potter around and get a few things done but it's not the same pressure and constant need to be answerable. Bliss.