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Original poster

Perimenopause making me want to be alone

52 replies

WonderingWhatToDo2024 · 20/04/2024 13:03

Is this a thing? Pretty sure I'm in perimenopause (age 41) and I just want to have the house to myself all the time or be asleep. I love my dh and son (6) but I just really love being in a silent tidy house. I also enjoy going out for walks alone with my headphones.
I'm lucky in that I do get a lot of alone time. I'm feeling irritated when my dh is home, I used to hate him going out but now I encourage it.
I guess I'm asking if this is a stage or will I always feel like this now.

OP posts:
fisherking1 · 21/04/2024 16:47

Yes. I am in the process of helping my DD buy a flat in a lovely, market town. I just want to live in it on my own tbh. I would love a room to myself with a lock! I hate having to share my space/bedroom with DH, coming in leaving ladders, shoes etc ...Maybe I need to buy a shed!

JMSA · 21/04/2024 17:58

WonderingWhatToDo2024 · 21/04/2024 12:57

Wow so it is a thing then! I definitely relate to feeling like I've not had a weekend if I've been social. My dh always wants to be out doing stuff etc but I just want to nap or read a book in bed.
Whether an age or perimenopause thing, I'm glad it's not just me.

I thought I might be depressed because I've also had thoughts of leaving my happy marriage for reasons I'm not sure of. I may speak to the Dr, I won't get hrt as still getting periods but maybe something else will help.

I feel the same as you. It's hard to know what's peri and what is maybe a bit of depression.
And the alone time I crave - and indulge in whenever I can - is it really doing me as much good as I think it is?
I always think of my home as my haven, my safe space, my comfort, the place I want to be. But if I'm not careful, it could become my prison!

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 21/04/2024 18:28

Wonderwhattodo you can start hrt in peri and it is good to do that and it will take the edge off so it is worth talking to your doctor. It is just our hormones that we are losing so they need to be replaced.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Menopause Women's health
Cysco · 21/04/2024 18:33

I can totally relate to this , 50, on a high dose of HRT. Maybe I need some antidepressants too...

SantiagoSky · 21/04/2024 18:39

I split up with my partner and have the house to myself for half of the week when DS is with him - bliss...

frozendaisy · 21/04/2024 18:45

Have you talked to DH and told him how you feel OP? Surely he would be understanding and contribute to giving you the space and time alone even when he is in his home as well

Original poster
WonderingWhatToDo2024 · 21/04/2024 18:51

@frozendaisy I haven't told him the extent of what's going on in my mind but he knows I love sleeping/naps & alone time and he is happy for me to have this. He's a fantastic husband, hense me knowing something isn't right in my brain to feel like I don't want him around. He's not perfect, no one is! but he is a great husband, he's supportive and so good to me, I'm lucky to have him but I think I'm not well at the moment.

OP posts:
sleekcat · 21/04/2024 18:57

I can relate. I’m happy with my son in the house but have little interest in going out and doing things whereas in the past I always wanted to make plans. Now I only like having plans if I have another whole day afterwards with no work and can just please myself. My favourite days off are just pottering about at home and I’m very happy doing that. I didn’t think about it being related to peri as I don’t really have much in the way of physical symptoms, but maybe. I’m early 50s.

LuckyCharmz · 21/04/2024 19:05

@WonderingWhatToDo2024 you don’t need to wait until periods have stopped to start hrt, it can be started during perimenopause. Nice guidelines say hrt is to be prescribed on symptoms, not blood test results. Also should be used for low mood, not antidepressants, which a lot of doctors seem to want to try first.
There are 34 symptoms of perimenopause, according to Dr Louise Newson, I would really recommend reading up and getting to know more about it, especially before seeing your gp, who may not be a women’s health specialist.

ilovebagpuss · 21/04/2024 19:38

Oh yes it does get better well mine did with HRT. It was almost like low level PMT all the time just felt aggrieved by everyone and would day dream about a little cottage by the sea alone!
Anyway once I started HRT I was loads better and that aggravated feeling went away and I stopped thinking about running away!

JMSA · 21/04/2024 20:10

LuckyCharmz · 21/04/2024 19:05

@WonderingWhatToDo2024 you don’t need to wait until periods have stopped to start hrt, it can be started during perimenopause. Nice guidelines say hrt is to be prescribed on symptoms, not blood test results. Also should be used for low mood, not antidepressants, which a lot of doctors seem to want to try first.
There are 34 symptoms of perimenopause, according to Dr Louise Newson, I would really recommend reading up and getting to know more about it, especially before seeing your gp, who may not be a women’s health specialist.

Really helpful, thanks.

SheilaFentiman · 21/04/2024 20:59

Following with interest, late 40s and love being alone (DH and two teen boys)

exexpat · 21/04/2024 21:55

Have you always been a bit of an introvert - not necessarily unsociable, but feeling a bit drained after lots of social interaction and needing to be alone to recharge?

I think I have always been a bit like that, which isn't a problem as long as I do get the time alone, but that can be difficult if you have young children (constantly talking at you!), or a partner who is an extrovert and needs constant company.

And then if that is combined with the possibly perimenopausal effects of getting fed up with constant demands from family and/or partner, and no longer feeling you need to put your needs last, it can be tempting to just run away and hide sometimes.

But it sounds like your DH is relatively good at giving you space?

Chipsfishseasaltandvinegar · 25/04/2024 11:54

This weekend I had hoped for a weekend at home. Pottering and doing my own thing. I've got a sofa, drinks & nice food type-of-evening planned with DH for Friday night. I didn't want to see anyone this weekend other than my lot at home. I wanted to re-set, rest, potter, chill, sort house stuff and get ahead with home/life admin. However, because I am so shit as saying no, I am now going to either be out out with my friend or at said friends house Saturday night (more likely to be the latter).

All I want is a weekend at home. Seeing no one. Just 1 weekend, once.

Original poster
WonderingWhatToDo2024 · 26/04/2024 11:44

Hi all, update from me; spoke to a Dr today and she didn't think it was perimenopause, she diagnosed depression. She was really thorough and we spoke for a while, she also recommended counselling which I'm possibly going to look into.
I'm going to try antidepressants and see how I get on. I have another appointment with her in a months time to check in on me.
Obviously it could still be perimenopause but I'm willing to try antidepressants/counselling and see how I feel 😊

OP posts:
Cysco · 26/04/2024 16:29

Please can I ask what you were prescribed? I'd be really interested to hear how you get on 🙂

Original poster
WonderingWhatToDo2024 · 27/04/2024 09:06

@Cysco I've been prescribed a low dose of Citalopram. I'll update in a few weeks 😊

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 27/04/2024 09:52

Can totally relate but I have always enjoyed time on my own

ds is off to stay with his dad this weekend and I can hardly contain my excitement 😆

Georgeismydog · 06/07/2024 08:25

I have always been an extrovert but am finding that I am now craving alone time but it comes and goes in waves.

Topsy44 · 06/07/2024 09:00

sleekcat · 21/04/2024 18:57

I can relate. I’m happy with my son in the house but have little interest in going out and doing things whereas in the past I always wanted to make plans. Now I only like having plans if I have another whole day afterwards with no work and can just please myself. My favourite days off are just pottering about at home and I’m very happy doing that. I didn’t think about it being related to peri as I don’t really have much in the way of physical symptoms, but maybe. I’m early 50s.

This is exactly me and I am early 50s. When I was younger you couldn’t keep me in but the days I look forward to are pottering about at home knowing I have no plans!

I do still meet up with friends and family but it’s much more of an effort than it used to be. I can really relate to having the following day to not do much when meeting people the day before, it does make things much easier knowing you can flop.

For me, I think it’s just a combination of tiredness, up and down hormones and being a lone parent.

hamstersarse · 06/07/2024 09:01

From what I understand, the reason for this is all our ‘nurturing’ hormones are reduced so we no longer have the urge to look after people in the same way

SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2024 09:14

hamstersarse · 06/07/2024 09:01

From what I understand, the reason for this is all our ‘nurturing’ hormones are reduced so we no longer have the urge to look after people in the same way

That is really interesting- do you know which hormones?

Georgeismydog · 06/07/2024 09:24

hamstersarse · 06/07/2024 09:01

From what I understand, the reason for this is all our ‘nurturing’ hormones are reduced so we no longer have the urge to look after people in the same way

Thanks for this, my nurturing comes and goes in waves.

Cattery · 06/07/2024 09:48

Post menopausal and the company I love best is my own. To have the house to myself. Gives me space to think and I love thinking

cadentiasidera · 06/07/2024 10:15

I'm 41 and probably not in peri yet but can identify with needing more alone time, and not wanting too many activities at the weekend. I've got a 6 year old who is autistic so I can slightly hide behind her need for quiet time to recharge! (Of course there's always the possibility I'm ND as well!) This weekend we've got the school fete today and are supposed to have the church picnic tomorrow and I really don't think I can face both!

Someone else posted about Anne Tyler and this was where my mind went too... There are a few ladies of a certain age in her books that feel this way I think!

Saw your update OP, I hope the medication helps but do push for a different approach if not. I'm also on citalopram since I had awful PND/ PNA and have reduced the dosage but not managed to come off them. I've taken them when younger too, for depression, and I found they took a while to kick in (at least two weeks) and were very difficult to come off thanks to side effects... You need to come down very slowly. All the best 💐