Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does your 12 year old still want to 'hang out' with family

44 replies

OneLifeIsNeverLongEnough · 20/04/2024 08:05

My dd is 12 and she's started complaining that it's embarrassing being seen with us ( myself, dad and younger siblings).

For example, this time last year we would visit parks with a picnic and have a nice time. Now however, dd will say how embarrassing it is to do that and not be happy the whole time.

She has a younger sister and brother so they are quite happy to do this and often try get her to join in any games. Of course that is met with a big no!

I don't want to embarrass her but also don't want her to miss out on our family outings. At 12 I was definitely still happy going around with family but I'm aware I was probably in the minority.

She spends lots of time with friends but is it too much to ask that we still spend time all together as a family?

Is this normal for 12 year olds?
As I say I didn't mind when I was that age so finding it quite sad that we are suddenly an embarrassment to her.

OP posts:
ssd · 20/04/2024 08:07

Normal

Octavia64 · 20/04/2024 08:09

Normal

VenusClapTrap · 20/04/2024 08:09

Mine are 13 and 11 and are perfectly happy to do stuff with us.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds Families
jobsjkfo · 20/04/2024 08:12

Son is 14 soon and not yet like this, I do remember feeling it as a teen, can't remember what age!

Trolltrotters · 20/04/2024 08:18

Same here. 13 DS rarely comes out with us and 6 year old DS.

I miss his company and so does younger DS. It is normal I believe. I try to do things that claw time back in other ways, usually lifts to places etc. I'm hoping in later teens he returns to the fold Smile

BabyBoyBeautiful · 20/04/2024 08:19

Mine were happy enough to be seen with us but probably wouldn't be thrilled to go to a park with a picnic, that would just be boring at that age.
They were more interested in going to the cinema, bowling, trampoline places etc.
Unfortunately, the 'free' things they enjoyed when they were little won't cut the mustard anymore.

Echobelly · 20/04/2024 08:21

Both mine have been at 12 but as others have said it's not unsual for them to get antsy about it at that age. Since about 13 oldest hangs out with us less but that's because they've got their own social life.

SallyWD · 20/04/2024 08:23

My DD is 13 and doesn't tend to come on family outings to the local park etc. However, if we're having a proper day out, she'll come and enjoy it. She often helps plan days out. She likes to be doing things. She will always choose seeing friends over us though!

Booksandflowers · 20/04/2024 08:24

Yes she is but I expect it won’t last long. My 14 year old son won’t go out with us locally although happy to go further out where he won’t be seen!!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/04/2024 08:24

I think it is normal but I also think she is old enough to understand that she is still part of your family, she still needs to spend a limited amount of time with her parents and siblings, and if she can manage to stay civil during that time you are more likely to consider her mature enough to then go and spend time with her friends afterwards.

LampShadeTaj · 20/04/2024 08:26

My 12 year is happy to do this but my niece isn’t. It’s sad as we are seeing her less and less at family gatherings. Our 17 year old nephew is never around! He’s always at the gym or gaming! If he is around he’s on his phone messaging his mates.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 20/04/2024 08:26

It's heartbreaking, but normal for that age. Mine started with wearing hoodies and walking behind us when we went places they could be seen by anyone they knew, then flat out refusing to come out with us because it was 'embarrassing'.
14yo will still happily go to an out of town cinema and a meal out, afterwards with us though, thank goodness, just nowhere local.

ShowOfHands · 20/04/2024 08:27

DS is 12 and more than happy to spend time with us. DD is nearly 17 and ditto. Never been a problem. They obviously spend time with friends as well.

Probably just depends on the child and the dynamic of the friends and family.

liveforsummer · 20/04/2024 08:29

Ime this is more common with boys. Dd14 often chooses to do stuff with her friends instead now but will still happily come along if nothing else is on. Her friends are all similar. I'd say 12 is fairly young for this in girls but it probably depends on her peer group. Dd2 is 11 and her and her friends showing no sign of this yet

Sunflowersinthehaze · 20/04/2024 08:33

I’m dreading this! 😭

BurstingSeams · 20/04/2024 08:34

DD12 occasionally refuses to come with us but it's more because of the bike ride involved than because of spending time with us. Apart from that both DC and DD are happy to do things out and about with me.

cakeorwine · 20/04/2024 08:35

DS is 18 and we still do "trips" out together. It helps that we live in a beautiful part of the UK to explore

barelyfunctional · 20/04/2024 08:37

Definitely normal, I’m lucky my 12 year old still likes hanging out with us most of the time but I remember finding my own family so embarrassing at that age, I never wanted to go anywhere with them where someone I knew might have seen me

sunshine237 · 20/04/2024 08:49

I can see how it would be embarrassing when it's a place they might bump into people who are hanging out with friends and then there they are with the parents. Definitely remember that myself. I think it might depend on the activity/location, as well as the kids involved.

WildRosesForCathy · 20/04/2024 08:51

I remember finding my parents hugely embarrassing at around 12/13. I'd either be stomping off ahead or lagging behind them on outings and being generally stroppy.
It's funny because I found mine embarrassing because they seemed so old and not cool (they were only late thirties at this point!) I was jealous of my best friends Mum who was always wearing fashionable clothes, wore make up and had trendy hairstyles but my friend found her really embarrassing and wanted her to be more like my 'normal' parents 😁

None of my four have been like this yet though. Two are still only early teens so I guess there's still time.

TheOnlyAletheia · 20/04/2024 08:54

Booksandflowers · 20/04/2024 08:24

Yes she is but I expect it won’t last long. My 14 year old son won’t go out with us locally although happy to go further out where he won’t be seen!!

This!

liveforsummer · 20/04/2024 08:55

sunshine237 · 20/04/2024 08:49

I can see how it would be embarrassing when it's a place they might bump into people who are hanging out with friends and then there they are with the parents. Definitely remember that myself. I think it might depend on the activity/location, as well as the kids involved.

My dd will often say 'omg there's a boy from my year' but I know they do this when it's just her and her friends too so it's not the fact she's with her mum that is the issue 😆

NoSquirrels · 20/04/2024 08:55

Pretty normal. Early secondary school and they don’t want to be seen with younger siblings or parents - embarrassing!

As others say, picnics out of the local area will still be fine. But ‘playing in the park’ likely a definite no-no.

You’ll adapt. Don’t force it.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 20/04/2024 08:56

How big is the age gap?

She's a bit old for parks, soft play. So I understand her reluctance. How is she when you do stuff she's interested in?

Teens would much rather be with friends than family but is it that or is it that you are aiming stuff at the younger kids and she's not interested?

CandyLeBonBon · 20/04/2024 08:58

None of mine have ever really done this but I think I tailored what we did as they got older. They all still want to come on holiday/fun days out etc and the oldest is 22 and the youngest is 15. Not always, and they're always given the choice, but I do know it's a normal phase though

Swipe left for the next trending thread