Parents evening - pronouns

[Chillyboots]

To put this into context a little, I work in secondary school and generally we have a good idea of the students who prefer to use the pronouns 'they/them' and their preferred pronouns are on their file. I don't actually work directly with any of our students who prefer these pronouns but I do know there are a few students in school who use them.

I went to my daughter's parents evening tonight (another school) and one of the teachers started talking to me and kept saying 'they'. I was pretty tired after work and assumed he was talking about my daughter and her friends but then as it carried on realised he was referring to her as 'they/them'. He was actually a trainee teacher who'd been teaching her for a few months (so he does know her).
All the other teachers referred to her as 'she/her'.

I know this might sound petty but just as students who prefer being called 'they/them' like to be addressed accordingly, I feel that her/she/he/his should also be used for those who choose it.

I wonder if all students will, in the near future, be referred to as 'they/them' if teachers become afraid to use gendered pronouns.

I'm not fuming about this by any means but wondered what other people's thoughts were. I am also interested to know if this is what is being advised in TT nowadays.

No but anyone who works in secondary especially knows that it is advertised everywhere in school - in the library, on posters, notice boards and in lessons. It is all around us. I think some parents would be surprised.

Definitely a girls name.

It happened on this occasion with one person not 'the whole rest of the world'

So do you think that this teacher only refers to this one girl as 'they' and calls everyone else by their sex-based pronouns? I'm talking about the principle (which some people espouse) that the best thing is to call everyone 'they'. Because it's neutral, right? So everyone should be happy to be referred to by it? How can the best way possibly be to potentially call almost everybody by the wrong pronoun (they) as long as you get the right one for a tiny minority?

Is it not likely as a trainee teacher that this teacher is offering generic statements?

"They are studying Macbeth" "They've focused on the analysis of language" "Their descriptive writing needs work"

They is plural, referring to the class, same comment for everyone, job done.

No I'm saying all the other teachers didn't do it. Op could very easily have corrected him but instead chose to come on Mumsnet and do the same sort of post that's posted several times each week.

If your child is she/ her then you are correct that she should be called those pronouns.
I agree with you.

I would not have written this post if this had been the case.

'They've' done really well in their test and they've got .....'
' They're quite shy in class and they could ask more questions'
' They're well behaved in class'
' They spend a bit too much time on detail...'
' Have you got any questions about how they're getting on?'
' I've noticed that they have some good friends'

Well I personally have not come across any posts regarding this issue but then I am not out looking for them.

😂

Have to say, not in my school.

And not in the vast majority of schools but people like to say it's everywhere to stir it up as an issue.

Amen

Do you work in school?

Many

Our local authority guidance for report cards etc is to use the pupils name or they / them for all pupils for all ages 🤯 drives my teacher friends round the twist!!!

Interesting you've never come across it!!

Bloody hell, i'm amazed at half of the responses here. Of course he should refer to your daughter as she/her and not they!
And yes, you should find it disconcerting. It it yet another subtle way in which female gender is erased to accommodate a minority.

My mum made this same argument to me about 2 minutes before my husband came into the room and told us a story referring to one of his colleagues as 'they'. It was such perfect timing and he was totally perplexed when we started laughing. It is actually quite common to say 'they' in a context like that where you don't name the person.

However the OP's situation is different, I think, and the teacher was talking about a specific person whose name everyone knew. In that case it is weird to use 'they'.

Oh good lord! No, it's really not!
"they got detention yesterday"
"Who was she with?"
"They was on their own".

This is what we have to do where I work, in a single sex school. At parents' evening I would use he or her though.

We're no longer meant to say "boys" to get the whole classes attention etc. I do find it all quite a minefield. I taught a kid who had transitioned with a new name and new pronouns. I had to email her parents and triple checked before writing her and then the mum replied using he/him. So then I felt bad!

98% of DD’s class are they/them. She/her is very uncool. It’s depressing but at year 11 they seem to be coming out the other side with only one trans boy. At secondary it’s probably more acceptable to the dc to be they/them. My school refer to dc as “your young person” instead of son/daughter. It always sounds weird and forced but there’s other battles that are more important.

Well, this exactly. Since it's considered so hideous to assume someone's gendered pronouns, it is also hideous to assume someone's plural pronouns!

Either we "respect everyone's pronouns" or we use the correct sex ones, we don't automatically de-sex everyone because we think it's safer.

In your shoes, I'd have put the teacher right (suppressing my urge to deliver a small lecture on the absurdity of "my pronouns" and invite discussion of the recent Commons debate), asking him not to misgender my child.

I'd be sending the head a copy of invisible women and stating why gender neutral language isn't neutral and is bad for women and girls.

Why would you not ask him why he's referring to your daughter as they? You were presumably sat across from him while he was speaking so it would have been easy enough to query it?

As you should do.

It's not ok to be socially transitioning children.

Every teacher who puts their career ahead of safeguarding children, is complicit.

It's appalling how so many teachers are just going along with this abuse.