What do I do about this friend completely disappeared.

[Beavers9]

Really need some advice please , excuse my poor grammar. I have a very close friend of 15 years and who was also my bridesmaid and helped me out a lot in a stage of life. I did move away from the town 11 years ago now but always stayed in touch and would message regularly and would see each other a few times a year she would come stay with us. She came up for the hen night wedding birth if my kids and birthdays ect.

She isn't married nor has a partner or has any children so apart from light relief work she does that I know off , she doesnt have big responsibilitys as such. We always said though we didn't always have regular contact it never felt strange when we did meet up and just could ramble on for hours I messaged her before Christmas about something on Wats app and all she did was an emotion back didn't think anything of it then. I have tried a few times to contact on wats app but they dont even show she's picked them up yet she's been on line. I've texted her and phoned her and I've had no replies back nor does she awnser the call. She doesn't have social media I do have her house number but she still lives with her parents so think this would be quite awkward to make contact . I honestly don't know, I've messaged saying I'm sorry if I've offended her in any way and try to leave it open.

i miss her so much shes a good family friend and is a wonderful "aunt" to our kids. Where do I go, im seriously concerned incase something serious health-wise is going on I just don't know . I can see she's been on Wats app but the messages I've sent haven't been opened

Personally I think you have done enough.
Leave it at that.
It hurts and throws up loads of questions which whenever get the answer too.
I have had it happen to me, friends since primary and although didn't see each other as often as I would have liked, we did make the effort for birthdays, Christmas and the odd lunch etc..texted etc..
Then we had made plans to meet,I text to confirm and nothing...for over 2yrs!
I maybe stupidly decided one night recently after a few wines to message..she replied instantly and we have since met up again a few times...but it to me feels a bit awkward, we don't seem to have much apart from past memories in common.
She's been messaging regularly inbetween and then just stopped again! So I dunno...folk are strange 🤔

If you've got her postal address, send her a card or note in case she's accidentally lost your contact details. If you happen to be in the area, I wouldn't think it was odd if I were her parents and you turned up asking about her - might not be a convenient time, but at least you can glean a bit from that.

Maybe it's just the end of the chapter for her?

Sounds like you've moved on having a family etc and it's always her that comes to visit you - maybe she's fed up with that.

Maybe she has found new friends closer to her.

I'd say it's time to just move forward and if you hear from her in the future then great, if not you had a nice friend for a few years.

It sounds like, for whatever reason, she has decided that she no longer wants to be in contact with you. I would leave it now you have spoken to her sibling and you know she's ok. It's sad and of course you feel hurt OP 😞 some friendships just don't go the distance and we have to let it go.

Sometimes things just change in someone’s life and friendships change.

maybe she is taking an opportunity to reinvent herself and move on from her old life.

you also say she “doesn’t have responsibilities” because she is single with no kids but maybe she doesn’t see it that way, maybe she doesn’t want to be the one always coming to you.

there are lots of reasons why people drop their contacts, sometimes you just have to respect it and let it happen.

I think you’ve probably been ghosted which is horrible, but yes it is possible to accidentally archive someone on whatsapp

This sounds tough. As someone who has vanished from some old friends’ lives myself, I can only offer this: there have been two very difficult times in my life (traumatic bereavement and complex caring responsibilities) when I realised I just didn’t have capacity for keeping in touch with everyone. Particularly some friends who I really loved, but who often needed more from me than I was able to give, or who couldn’t really get what I was going though because our situations were very different. People who needed me as a shoulder to cry on or a source of support but weren’t really capable of returning the favour. Which was fine when things were going well, but not when I was really struggling.

It was not that anyone had done anything wrong. But when I was grieving and burnt out I was just not in a place where I could face spending an afternoon with Sarah who wanted to talk about her body image issues and attachment patterns, or Margaret who was excited to show me photos of her house renovation projects.

I think I would not have responded very well to receiving a letter or messages asking what they’d done wrong. It would have felt like something more others were asking of me at a time when I had nothing in the tank.

I can imagine how being single and living with her parents might be tough for your friend in a lot of ways. You are in very different life stages, with different life circumstances. If you’ve let her know you care about her and are thinking of her, that’s enough. Let her be.

Given that you've been in touch with her sister and you know she's OK, I probably wouldn't turn up at her parents' house . However I would definitely send her a card or brief letter saying hi, you hope she's OK, a very brief rundown of your news, say you would love to hear from her snd include all your contact details again .

I think it is clear, your friend no longer wants a friendship with you. You've tried to contact her and have spoken with a family member. Her lack of response is her reponse.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is a horrible, selfish and rude way to behave towards someone.

Keep busy. Don't dwell on this. Take care of yourself, OP. Hugs

Yes I’ve had this with a friend. WhatsApp messages - no reply, texts - no reply. No social media. In the end I sent a message saying “it’s fine if you don’t want to chat but please just send me a thumbs up or something to say you are ok” - absolute nothing.

In the end I contacted a mutual friend to ask if she knew what was going on. She said “oh she does this sometimes - shes ok just stressed with work bla bla”. Well she hadn’t done this with me before so I just left it. Months and months went by until finally it got close to an event that we were supposed to be going to together. So a month before I messaged saying “are we still going to this? I’ve tried to message you but I’ve heard nothing”. I felt quite cross actually. Then she immediately messaged back - as though nothing had happened! I did feel quite cross about it but tbh more relieved that she was ok. When we spoke she just said she had been having a shitty time and didn’t feel like speaking to anyone. Which is fine but I still felt a bit put out. She could have just said that at the time instead of leaving me hanging.

Anyway, no answers for you OP but maybe something like this will happen with your friend. People’s behaviour can be odd - especially if they are having a hard time. Maybe send her one final message or write to her home address and leave it open - say you feel hurt but you are there for her anytime and leave it at that. You may find that she pops up again in a few months.

She might have new phone or number or anything so try again in person but some people get quite busy burning bridges if they make a change in their life. In which case you just have to accept that's how they deal with things.