I'm a wuss. I've hidden the loo roll from my lodger

[Creeperofhabit]

Instead of simply having a conversation. I've taken to keeping it in my bedroom instead of the bathroom, maybe she'll then bloody buy some.

She's lived here some, two months? Maybe slightly longer and never bought any. One night I'd ran out unexpectedly because she'd used the last and I went and borrowed a roll from my local pub.

When she first moved in I asked if she wanted me to continue to buy communal goods (of which loo roll was mentioned) or take it in turns and she confirmed the latter but hasn't.

I guess I feel that she has less money than I have, and doesn't drive and I do. But I also work fulltime and run a small business.

I feel I can't say anything to her but I know I MUST do.
Tonight (she's at work and won't be back until I'm in bed) I am going to send her a mesg and ask her to buy some. I am.

@Creeperofhabit you've fudged the issue by asking the question. It's made her more of a housemate that can take the piss than a lodger

However, we are where we are, so you need to have the chat.

'Hey Cleo, we discussed loo roll, can you buy some'.

Is all you need to say.

C'mon. Sort it out.

Yes of course you buy the loo roll!!!

She's lodging, not a house share. So basic stuff comes the house (loo roll, cleaning supplies etc)

Honestly it will cause you so much less stress and resentment if you just buy these things and accept this is how this normally works. Overall you're benefitting from the income of the lodger!

Weve had lodgers but usually those in early 20s/early career and we give them a cupboard for their own food and we have our own toiletries but otherwise they're literally lodging ie we provide the house and basics.

House or flatshares are a different set up. People contribute to all the little bits but then it's more equal as a shared house. Not X living in Y s house.

I feel sorry for the poor lodger! Can you imagine... "not sure why my landlord keeps hiding loo roll..."

That is not what has been agreed BY THE LODGER. If there is no toilet roll when she has her period then she should sodding well occasionally buy some and there would be!
it doesn’t really matter how it’s “usually done” because that had the conversation and agreed on moving in and the lodger is not keeping up her end of the agreement.

This all sounds very stressful over a couple of quid a week. Seems easier to just buy it yourself then factor it in when you think it's time to raise the rent.

She's your first ever lodger, I assume

EDITED: I now see you have had a lodger previously 😮

Agree.

I'd be making other arrangements if the landlord hid loo roll.

I doubt it's documented in the written agreement with the lodger - maybe enshrine 'thou shall buy loo roll from time to time" for the next poor lodger

Honestly, this is such a horrible way to treat someone regardless of your "agreement".

I really don't get this. How much of these shared supplies do you get through in a month? A fiver's worth? Just buy it for the house. What happens if a lodger buys something you don't like? Do you dictate brands, etc? If I lodged somewhere and didn't like what was on offer I'd buy my own, but this is ridiculous student behaviour from you in your own home.

I would expect this to be the case. I don’r consider loo roll to be communal goods so much as essentials, along with hand soap. To my mind communal goods would be such staple kitchen things as milk, coffee, dish cloths etc.

Yeah fair enough it felt like a house share too except technically they were lodgers (I owned the house and they rented rooms) so I guess it depends on the OPs situation. I can't imagine living with someone in any sense and not counting them as part of the household.

You'd be surprised! I lived in a house share and we originally all bought loo roll to share (mostly me as I was the only woman and used more). Eventually I stopped and we all had our own in our rooms as there was one guy who used an unreal amount. The landlord once "treated" us to a four pack and it was gone in a couple of days. No idea what he did with it. It was really weird.

Aww that’s terrible you are doing that. What’s the world coming to? This is why I loathe most people.

This is one way to have lodgers and it works for some - everyone needs to be quite sociable and enjoy communal living. Other people prefer to live more separate lives (both landlord and lodger) and in those cases there is very little communality. When I had lodgers I charged well below market rate and the lodger didn't have use of the living room. I know some people would be horrified by that but I had several lodgers and they were all happy with the arrangement. They had a big room with a table and chairs to eat or work and they got a cheap room - like a bed sit but access to a proper kitchen, washer dryer etc, things they wouldn't have in a bed sit, and paying less than bedsit prices. Providing amenities and cleaning the house was 100% my responsibility.

Running out of loo roll is bad home management OP.

I would simply send a text reminding her of your agreement to take turns -and that she needs to buy next supply.

Though to avoid this again, I would amend original agreement. You should have charged going rate too. I suspect this is at the root of what reduced you to hiding toilet paper from your lodger.

You’re going to create a bad atmosphere, no matter what the subject, if you have a lodger in your house and don’t communicate with them about stuff like this. Have you had lodgers before?

Fair enough, I can see that. I think it's about expectations though because a lot of people on here seem to think that's standard and if they'd lived in my house they'd have been disappointed! But then they did have full access to all communal areas, equal choice of what to watch on TV, equal say over most aspects of the home, no issues with them having friends and boyfriends over etc. I considered the house fully their home. One stayed for 7 years so she can't have been too bothered by me not buying her loo roll or cleaning up after her!

If someone was paying part of my mortgage for me I could probably cover the loo roll. Grow up.

C'mon. You don't really loathe most people do you?

I like most people, even when they're being dicks, I think most people's silly nonsense is just because they're insecure about advocating for themselves.

I think most people are quite nice.

Some are obviously heinous and beyond reason and help. But they are in the minority. I speak from experience. I think people are OK, and even if they're not being OK, they probably want to be OK.

I've met a lot of people in my time, from all walks of life, probably 5% are irredeemable tossers. The rest were just doing their best with the tools they were given.

We are all a product of our environment.

Do you really go around loathing most people?

Fuck that. She will never learn to buy her loo roll will she?

I’d work out the additional cost of providing these items and increase the rent accordingly. It should be pretty minimal and might actually throw into relief whether it is even worth the aggravation. I’d also provide a very short list with things that are included in the rent (utilities, internet, washing up liquid, dishwasher tabs, hand soap, loo roll) and stop providing washing powder or anything else. Give appropriate notice of the rent increase and suck up being temporarily out of pocket. I wouldn’t frame the increase as ‘you’ve not stuck to X so now you need to pay Y’ as that provides an entry for negotiations which you don’t want. It also makes it feel punitive rather than you just taking steps to ensure you aren’t paying for them all the time. You are the landlord, you set the terms and just make sure you are being fair. The income disparity between the two of you shouldn’t really be a factor as it’s not treating her like an adult who is renting from you.

Tell her it's not working and you are upping the rent £x for consumables and you will buy.

If you ask her to buy she will buy the cheapest one possible which will give you thrush!

That's exactly what happened when I had a lodger.

I'd fairly raise her rent, to cover communal stuff and explain why. I wouldn't remove the toilet roll.

Well why don’t you charge her an extra pound a week then and spend it on lol roll? She’s forced to live in an extremely one sided and precarious situation (lodgers have pretty much zero rights) and you’re getting help paying your mortgage. If I were you I’d just buy it and be pleased that your property is likely going up in value whereas she can’t even rent a flat of her own. Jeez.