Anyone else not like themselves?

[Rosesanddaffs]

Hi

I’m not entirely sure where this stems from but does anyone else look at themselves and not like what they see?

I’m not talking in terms of just appearance but personality too?

I often find myself looking in the mirror and thinking “I don’t like you”

Is this normal? X

Anyone??

Why don’t you?

I actually don’t know

I’m assuming everyone goes through a phase of not liking themselves, I’m wondering if this is normal. I’m not depressed but don’t like what I see

I'm like that OP. Most days I look in the mirror and really don't like my face. It's like my eye is drawn immediately to all my imperfections. I also don't like my personality that much, I criticise myself a lot and put myself down. Basically, I have low self esteem. It's a bit of a weird one because externally I appear to be confident and easy going. I have a good group of solid friends who when I talk to about this really can't understand why I'm like this. Therapy helps, and reading self help books. It was a lot worse when I was younger when I'd ruminate over these things but I'm kind of at a stage now where the negative thought occurs and I acknowledge it and move on.

I think it is pretty common to feel like that especially if you have had a disrupted childhood and an unstable sense of self. I know you don't feel depressed but it does feel like there is something going on for you. I HATED myself for years, but a lot of therapy has helped. I do still find is easy to go back there but I can see it and am better at challenging myself.

Yep. I'm horribly critical of myself and everything I do, and it's exhausting. I did an online self-esteem questionnaire recently and scored in the bottom 2% of the population.

I think that’s maybe where my problem is, my mum wasn’t the best growing up, she did what was required, but never offered hugs or any form of comfort, I even remember her wiping her cheek after I kissed her as a child!

On my wedding day she didn’t pay me any compliment’s.

I don’t think that’s the only issue though, I find people don’t really like me, I only really have one close friend and she’s probably the only one I’ve ever met who likes me for me

Maybe I should look at therapy

I agree it is exhausting and I wonder when this feeling will go away

I am like this. I have very low self esteem though, which means I am very critical with myself. It is hard to like yourself when you are always focusing on your negatives (everyone has negatives). I am working on correcting this to change my own perception.

If you met yourself, would you like you? And what would you say to this other hypothetical you if she said "why don't you like me?".

Would you try and spare her feelings and say something nice (in which case, maybe other people have been shit to you in the past and deep down you can show yourself some sympathy).

OR would you have a list of things you could say to this hypothetical you that you didn't like about her?

Theraphy will help, you can also try some self-help books. I am listening to 'Overcoming low self-esteem' by Melanie Fennell on Audible at the moment, I like it and find it useful. I think I have madre some good progress with nearly a year of theraphy and some books, bit it is a long jouney ...

Yep me! I don't like what I see in the mirror and I don't feel like I know who I am. I don't think I'd be friends with me - I'm very "meh". It's a very strange feeling. Am approaching mid forties and feel like I should be reaching a point where I am content but instead feel more unsettled than ever

I often feel tortured by being me. When it is really bad I want to crawl outside of my skin and I loathe myself. Sometimes I self harm but not badly. A lot of the time I can appear ok but it is only because I am managing to block my real feelings. I am sorry to hear other posters' struggles.

I feel sorry about hear about other people struggles, some seem very strong, it is sad as nobody should feel like this.
I do think that this type of feeling always comes from low self-esteem and I also strongly believe that can be changed, if not 100%, it definitely can be improved. I think we all need to work on that as hard as we can as it will make us happier.

One of the exercises suggested in the book I am listening at the moment is the try and make a list of things good about yourself and achievements. These don't have to be incredible things, anything you can think of, even if little details. Can you think of anything? It is hard at the beginning, when you only focus on the negatives, but I have been able to find more things that are good about myself.

For example, I've got social anxiety and an absolute terror of public speaking. I have always though I am pathetic, useless at this...but some months ago attended some public speaking classes and I have massively improved. I still get very nervous and don't like it, but I recently presented something very brief at work, which I am so proud about. I never thought I could stand in front of 40 people and not faint or going blank. I am pround not only because I did it, I am proudest because despite being something that completely terrified me, I tried to look for a solution.

Can maybe everyone list something good about themselves? It is really a good thing to look deeper, because everyone has good qualities.

No, but curiously I have a family member who has turned into the most horrible person, judgey, rude, angry. Just utterly nasty. She owned it once and said she’d turned into a horrible person, the root cause was a pain issue, but it is resolved and the behaviour continues, it’s escalating. It’s like the more she gets away with it, the more she feels free to do it. Like she now can’t stop herself. She either ignores you, is rude to you, puts you down, disparages you or shouts at you.

im on egg shells round her and am starting to get really offended by it. My husband has also started commenting that he feels he annoys her now. And normally he’s oblivious. He commented yesterday there was clearly a signficant problem there. Her own husband now comments it is very challenging to live with her.

I often wonder in the wee small hours if she thinks about it, and if she likes herself.

Yes I feel like this.

I also grew up with an emotionally cold mother and physically absent father. My upbringing was borderline neglectful even by 1980s standards. From what I know now my mum's probably ND as am I (my kids both are). I don't really know the answer. I do lots of therapy, self help, journals, reading etc. Sometimes I don't feel it and sometimes I do. It never really goes away.

It’s funny as I always thought by mid 40’s I’d have it all sorted and as a “grown up” these feelings wouldn’t be there

What is it about yourself you dislike?

Yes. Often unfortunately BUT it can also be a sign of mental illness (unfortunate term)

Look up 'intrusive thoughts' if you want ways to ignore it rather then try and change

There is nothing I like about myself.

Not surprising I've had a lifetime of poor MH, also finally diagnosed as ND which has probably contributed to both.

No, it's not normal but it is fixable if you want to. The problem is if you don't like or value someone you've very unlikely to want to do anything to help them. Same rules apply when you don't like yourself. Try to remember back to when this started as the key to dealing with it lies in the origin.

Me. I used to love who I was then I went through a rough patch last year and I've just hated myself since. I want to do therapy but unsure where to start.

OP, it is often a sign of depression and very low self esteem. I used to feel that way - for years. And I just worked on it until I stopped. This is one of the situations where the usually useless 6 free sessions of NHS online CBT could be really handy, to get you started investigating self-compassion and self care.

My change of heart came when I realised I had to live with me - no escaping for the rest of my life - and decided I'd rather live with a best friend than a critical enemy. It's a really fun and powerful and happy journey to shift from hating/disliking yourself, to real self love and acceptance.

I remember doing an exercise where, as soon as you wake up you have to say in your head or out loud three times: I love you, and add your name: e.g. I love you @Rosesanddaffs (x 3). This exercise made my flesh crawl for months. I felt self-conscious even though no one knew I was doing it. It felt stupid and phoney - completely untrue. And then one day it just felt a bit silly, a bit amusing. And then it eventually felt true. Now if I am feeling low, I do that exercise and it feels as though a nice friend is being affectionate. It's a massive shift. And it's learnable. That exercise came from a self help author called Shannon Kaiser. I think she used to do one of those 30-day email free courses but now her work is focused elsewhere. But she has a book called The self Love Experiment - I've not read it, but it's probably full of similar uncomfortable but helpful exercises to help make the shift.