Anyone else not like themselves?

[Rosesanddaffs]

Hi

I’m not entirely sure where this stems from but does anyone else look at themselves and not like what they see?

I’m not talking in terms of just appearance but personality too?

I often find myself looking in the mirror and thinking “I don’t like you”

Is this normal? X

I don't. But that's because I have a mother who doesn't like me and has been physically and mentally abusive to me as a child to make me feel awful about myself and which continues to date.

As a result I know that my internal voice is actually hers telling me I'm a shitty terrible human being despite ALL the evidence to the contrary.

I've been in therapy a long time to address this but I think it's a case of managing it and proportionality to know that what I think about myself is not actually true and it's a distorted belief.

Yes, I feel like this. I really struggle to speak up at work or in groups as I don’t really believe my opinion is worth listening to.

I don’t have too much of an issue with my appearance but it’s more my personality which I guess I feel is unlikeable 😞

I don’t like what I see in the mirror. It’s depressing.

I don’t like the person I’ve become since lockdown, but I didn’t mind the me before.

I’m the same OP. My mum left when I was 4 and I was then introduced to a lady one day and was told “this is your new mum”. Nothing was explained to me, so I grew up having to pretend this stranger was my mum, pretending I liked her when I didn’t.
It’s taken until my 50s and some therapy to understand how traumatic this was for me.
I’ve always had very little self esteem, think I’m an idiot (despite running a successful business) and just don’t believe people if they say anything nice to/about me. I’ve come to accept I don’t think I can change but just to plod on. Im very lucky in that I’ve been married a long time, have 2 DDs who I’m very close to and love with all my heart. I don’t think I can ask for much else!

If I sit and think about it, I come to the conclusion I’m not very nice. I see myself as lazy and selfish. I’m a pessimist and anxious. and can be terribly judgy of others (only in my own head, I don’t say it out loud, and I immediately tell myself off for it).

Throughout life I’ve often felt like I’m not normal or I’m not quite right somehow. My parents were lovely, especially my mum so I don’t think it’s related to my childhood in my case- I’m just not very nice.

But then I do have friends and a nice husband. People like me. So I’m obviously not as terrible as I think I am. I do think I’ve got ADHD and intend to get assessed at some point.

All of me

I can relate to this, whenever I try to speak up in team meetings at work, I am interrupted or talked over, it makes me feel worthless

Acceptance. If you can accept yourself for how and who you are, you can start to like yourself. If you are always picking and finding fault, you are going to struggle. When you like yourself, it becomes easier to deal with things you feel need a bit of work. It sounds a bit whoa but it does work. I'm far from perfect but I'm fucking awesome. You can be too.

Yep, I always have the sense that I've said the wrong thing, looked wrong (my facial expression doesn't generally match my emotions inside, people think I'm annoyed when I'm not), said too much, not said enough, not done the right thing, generally feeling inadequate. I struggle with authority over my kids, and end up overcompensating and shouting/ feeling like I'm going too hard on them. I'm a quiet person who wants a quiet life but have never managed to feel it's going right. I'd quite happily stuff envelopes (or other menial tasks) not all this sitting in meetings about ideas for how we can improve the team that I've ended up in. Promoted above my ability, wrinkly, spotty skin, slightly overweight, tired, hermit. No I don't like myself.

wow, you're amazing!

Why can't the other stupid, neurotic people on this thread be more like you and just like themselves!

Yes, it’s become a real issue for me. It makes me paranoid that people think I’m stupid. Nobody ever seems to listen to what I have to say.

As a result I think I then sound less confident when I try and intervene, which means people are even less likely to trust what I’m saying, and it becomes a vicious circle 😔

Why snipe at someone who is getting it right? Liking yourself is not something to use as an insult.

Well, no one can do it for them, so they’re going to have to figure it out. Self-esteem isn’t something you can delegate.

I don't think it's normal. I've thankfully never felt that way

I remember doing an exercise where, as soon as you wake up you have to say in your head or out loud three times: I love you, and add your name: e.g. I love you @Rosesanddaffs (x 3). This exercise made my flesh crawl for months. I felt self-conscious even though no one knew I was doing it. It felt stupid and phoney - completely untrue. And then one day it just felt a bit silly, a bit amusing. And then it eventually felt true. Now if I am feeling low, I do that exercise and it feels as though a nice friend is being affectionate. It's a massive shift. And it's learnable. That exercise came from a self help author called Shannon Kaiser. I think she used to do one of those 30-day email free courses but now her work is focused elsewhere. But she has a book called The self Love Experiment - I've not read it, but it's probably full of similar uncomfortable but helpful exercises to help make the shift

Louise Hay recommended something along the same lines - saying to yourself 'I approve of myself' as many times as you can a day, ignoring all the negative feelings that come up. Going through a bad bout of self-dislike ATM so I'm going to give that a whirl instead of all the negative stuff I'm telling myself.