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Original poster

To be furious that friend is over an hour late

63 replies

SnowmanInTheSun · 17/04/2024 14:00

Friend was supposed to be here at 1 (she decided the time). I have made lunch, which is now cold. She texted at 1.10 to say she was setting off in ten minutes and has now just called at nearly 2pm to say she's stuck in traffic. I'm furious. This is so disrespectful and I just needed to get it off my chest. No reasons given btw...

OP posts:

LightSpeeds · 22/04/2024 21:30

"I will be limiting future contact because although I was in the comfort of my own home it still had an impact on the rest of my day and definitely affected my mood."

That's the problem with people like her. They have no thought of the impact on your day and that you may have had to move your day around to accommodate them (and then move it around again to accommodate them being late).

I have one of these people in my life so you have my sympathy.

ellyeth · 22/04/2024 21:41

You say this is typical behaviour. It is very rude behaviour and I would not invite her for lunch again. If you make any future plans with her, perhaps you should make a point of saying "don't be late as I don't want to sit around for ages waiting for you.". If she takes offence then so be it. You seem to have put up with this disrespectful behaviour for a long time and it should stop.

AnonoMisss · 22/04/2024 22:46

Horses7 · 22/04/2024 19:23

I had a friend like this - was late every single time (with everyone) I let the friendship drift as she wasn’t going to change. These people believe that they and their time are more important than anybody else.

Or some may have ADHD and time blindness.

SnappyBiscuit · 22/04/2024 23:42

Only me that thinks all these sticking up for the friend are the ‘late friend’?
im the one left waiting..often. And it’s nothing other than rude and selfish

Sagealicious · 23/04/2024 04:48

I once had a friend who rang me one morning asking if I'd like to do something with her that day. I agreed and she said be out the front of your house and I'll pick you up in half an hour. So I'm out there waiting and waiting and waiting and there's no sign of her. Over an hour passes and I decide to call her but there's no answer. I go back inside thinking maybe I got the meet up time wrong (I didn't) anyway she turned up 6 hours later and when I asked what had happened she screamed at me to get over it and that she had never said she'd be there in half an hour (she definitely did say it) to keep the peace I said no more. A few months later this time it was me that was late (I was about 10 minutes late due to an unavoidable phone call) I was walking to where we were meeting and I was being bombarded with message after message after message, where are you? Why are you so late? Why are you making me wait? I was then given a 45 minute lecture on how it was rude to be late even if it was only a few minutes even though she saw it as being perfectly acceptable for her to be several hours late. In case you're all wondering we're no longer friends after she called me a loser for being diagnosed with a mental illness. In hindsight I should have ended the friendship long before that. I don't mind if someone is going to be late because things happen but at least have the consideration to let people know.

Augustus40 · 23/04/2024 06:40

I once had a friend who was habitually late by at least 30 minutes. I would just meet up with her at the time agreed plus add on the 30 minutes as I still valued the friendship. No biggie. She was well worth keeping on as a friend as she was mentally stimulating and fun.

hottchocolatte · 23/04/2024 07:13

@Sagealicious That's outrageous.

reminds me of the friend I mentioned above - one time she got days eromt
so turned up to the restaurant a day early. I obviously wasn't there when she arrived and she knew this was unusual so called me to ask where I was and it turned out it was the wrong day.

Another time I arrived 5 mins late and she was calling me
while I was trying to get my baby out of the car because she was waiting inside. She was always late but the two occasions when I wasn't there she was calling immediately. I of course didn't call her all the times she was late.

LookItsMeAgain · 23/04/2024 08:46

@SnowmanInTheSun - you wrote "To update those that asked, she finally arrived, a full hour late. She apologised for the lateness but had no proper reason other than setting off late."
So she set off late because she knew that you would hang around and wait in for her to show up no matter what time she was setting off at.
Do you not put a value on your own time? Why did you hang around waiting for her? She does what she does because she knows people like you will hang around waiting on her.

pollymere · 23/04/2024 11:44

If my friend had let me know I wouldn't be quite so bothered. If I had other plans, I'd message back saying "Ok but I have to go out at 4". Maybe I just have too many ND people in my life to care. The people are more important to me than their ability to be on time. You know your friend has issues with punctuality yet you are furious because they're not on time? I have family members with ADHD. They are rarely on time unless they know it really matters such as catching a train. A visit to your house would not rank as something where you couldn't be late to them.

Deathraystare · 23/04/2024 13:10

My (late lol!) friend was always late. Wherever she was going she would allow just an hour forgetting that she would be chatting to people at the end of her road, queuing for fags etc. I would be waiting at the train terminal and would make a note of all the trains that had gone through her stop and smile to myself when told there was a problem with the trains!

One day I paid her back when meeting her at Victoria I instead dame by bus which takes a time to get there but unfortunately her being man mad, she soon got chatting with blokes in the coffee shop of the hotel we were meeting at!

Another friend is regularly late. I say she is on "caribbean time". Another one who will do things on the way. Get a sandwich, take a top back to Marks etc etc.

SnappyBiscuit · 23/04/2024 16:25

but if they were going to be that late they should let you know , you might have other things you could do in that time. Has happened to me frequently, eg if I knew they would not be there for hours I might fit in my shopping , it’s not that you don’t accept that’s “just what they’re like” or that they’re not important to you, it’s still rude.

GameOfJones · 23/04/2024 16:34

It is so, unbelievably rude. It's essentially saying that their time is more important than yours.....who cares if you're waiting around while they're faffing.

Nipsmum · 25/04/2024 11:55

Many years ago I had a friend who was like yours. She either arrived late and the time she didn't arrive at all was the last time she was allowed to let me down like that. If she can't keep an arrangement that she has agreed to she is not a friend worth having. Ditch her for good.

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