How old were your kids when you stopped enforcing a bed time?

[Soubriquet]

9 and 11 year old still have a bed time. It’s 9pm on a weekday, and 10pm(can be a bit later if I go to bed later) on weekend or holiday.

Oh yes. Sorry. They're both autistic. My youngest is the most badly impacted and will require a group home for life, my oldest is much more independent and just needs an eye on him and prompting.
I forget to mention it it's just normal to me iyswim.

I'm fully agog at even making suggestions for bedtime for adults in their 20s!

Dd11 goes to bed herself around 8:30 but I have to tell ds14 to go to bed at 9:30.

Sorry. I really shouldn't contribute to these threads 🤣. My experience is so very different. it's a different world but it's my normal. I forget sometimes just how different it is until people reply totally shocked!

We have a busy schedule with sports so we don't have a fixed bedtime and never really have. Most nights are late sports nights where we know the routine is home, shower, eat, bed and they are tired enough at that point which is quite a helpful transition to not having a bedtime.

Weekends and holidays are more flexible, I usually still send to bed but not always and it depends on what we are doing, watching a movie, watching a football game, if they have sports in the morning, if we've planned a day out, if we have nothing planned etc

My 13 Dts have an enforced bedtime during the week, they have to get up at 0615. Weekends they can do what they want as long as they're not being a PITA

Dd11 is 9 weekdays and 10 weekends, no tech though. She usually does “skincare” or reads in bed and tbh is usually asleep 30 mins later.
ds16 has asd, likes routine so goes into bed at 10 but most nights don’t go to sleep until midnight. He’s allowed tech, only just started letting him when he turned 15 though.

10 but they do have to be in their rooms by half 8. They can go to sleep when they want but not be downstairs.

My son is 12, year 7. Usually no screens after 8pm and ready for bed 9pm. Lights out 9:30pm.

If he looks absolutely knackered we may do a little earlier.

I couldn't let him just go to bed when he wanted as he'd be up way too late!

My 13 and 16 yr old go at 10. Mobile phones left downstairs at night. Lights out at 11 in theory but it's never checked. Weekend and holidays they can go to bed when they want. It's not at all monitored and I think that is when they learn to moderate themselves risk free. They have both pulled near all nighters and suffered the next day, without having to negatively impact their schooling.

8 year old is 10pm, he is a nightmare and never really needed much sleep. (If he goes to sleep any eariler he wakes up at 4/5am!)

13 year old 10.30 on weekdays, doesn't have a bedtime on the weekend. He's quite good and falls asleep around midnight or just after. Also needs less sleep. Both Sen.

Mine don't seem to need as much sleep as all the kids who go to bed very early. My 13 year old is very seldom asleep before midnight but he gets to school on time and his recent report says that his progress and behaviour are good. His brothers are the same. I can still hear my 8 year old chatting now (they share a room) and will have to go and settle him down soon as he'd happily stay up much later. He will go and get into bed fine, it just takes him ages to fall asleep. Additional needs definitely involved/suspected and under investigation for both.

I'd say around 12/13 but they would generally go up to bed 10ish anyway and I would pop my head round the door when I went to bed if their lights were still on and say 'night, get some sleep now' at 11ish. They were always up in time for school and didn't seem tired so I felt they were getting enough sleep. Would have intervened if I thought they seemed tired or schoolwork was suffering.

My youngest is 14 next month and I can't remember the last time I enforced a bedtime so it must have been a while ago! I think I let them decide there own bedtime from starting secondary school.
My kids have to he up at 6am through the week but I told them as long as they can get up for school and function during the day it's up to them when they sleep.
They are both sensible kids and know to settle down and be quiet so I can go to sleep at 9pm!

@IncompleteSenten just curious where is the norm to tell adults a bedtime?
How do they ever gain independence?

I can't imagine enforcing a bed time on a mid teen not to mention an adult, I am going to assume that it must limit their social and romantic lives, when they left for college?

DD was 16 and had finished her GCSEs when I stopped enforcing a bedtime (which was 10pm), but even now she's 17 I will tell her if I think she needs to go to bed.

DS12 has to be up and lights off by 9pm.

Mine are 14 & 16….10pm weekdays which I enforce and they can stay up till whatever weekends and school hols

11 and 8 here and I'm going to keep it going as long as I can. Sleep is good for children.

Year 11 and Year 13 here. On a school night we still tell year 11 to go to up at 10 and she does, although she usually potters around upstairs for half an hour. Year 13 usually tells us at 10 he is off to bed, unless he is at the pub or a mates house.

@Marblessolveeverything that poster posted again on this very page - worth a read.

I still (rarely) insist my 15yo goes to bed. Only on school nights and only if I can see he is over-tired or he has an exam the next day.

I think it was when they started secondary, although if I heard them gaming or something later than 11 on school night I'd text them to go to bed.

@IncompleteSenten makes sense as to why they’d need some extra guidance, you know your own dc, don’t stop posting, I’m sure there will be other parents with older dc who are still having to do the same thing.

As for my own dc the older 2 just go as and when but the youngest is 12 and goes up at 9 to read. We tuck him in at 9:30 and he reads until he wants to turn his light off. He is not good at getting up for school but absolutely wouldn’t go to sleep any earlier.

@Marblessolveeverything They both have autism. I did post shortly after to clarify. My bad. My kids are just my kids and our routine is just our routine iyswim. My youngest will never lead an independent life. College, friends, romance etc are not things that are realistically in his future. He needs full time 1:1 and 2:1 outside. He is violent at times. He will eventually transition to a secure group home.

My oldest is actually at uni but lives at home and needs a lot of support to manage his stresses. He will one day be able to live on his own but he will still need support which will continue to take the form of prompting, suggesting things and keeping an eye to make sure things don't go to shit.

I just listened to an (Australian) podcast, 70% of Australian teens are chronically overtired, up from 30% 15 years ago. Affecting moods, school work, peer relationships.