What life skills did you teach your DC for Uni?

[PocketRocketScience]

Posting here for more traffic.
DC going to uni this Sept. I was looking on his Uni’s accommodation website and there was a quote from a student saying something along the lines of; before I came here I’d never cooked, cleaned, ironed, shopped or washed any clothes. Now I can!

It got me thinking about whether I should teach some of these skills, or just let them get on with it?

My DC can both cook and bake really, really well so that’s a good start. I’ve also seen them clean their rooms to a sparkling level when their GF’s come round.

I need to teach eldest to wash and dry clothes, and iron. I’m a bit concerned about finances after they told me they’ll just go to M&S, so perhaps some shopping skills might be a good idea.

What skills did you impart to your uni child, or is it best to just let them get on with it?

I think being able to wash clothes is a basic skill they should already have. The fact that they cook is great but knowing how to make budget meals is useful. A good thing to teach is how to manage their money. It seems a lot at first but can run out quickly so understanding how much they have each week is important especially when they move out of halls. We gave ds his weekly money on a Monday in the hope it did not go immediately on booze! Not sure how well that worked! They do tend to work out a lot for themselves when no one else is there to do it for them.

How to budget

My DS is starting uni in September too so I'm mainly joining for ideas!

He's pretty good at cooking although I will get him to do more over the summer. But he's never been much involved in the food shopping, so that's a good one (although if he gets the grades for his first choice he's likely to be in catered halls for the first year).

He's good at saving money and doesn't fritter money away, but I expect some budgeting tips may be useful.

Tbh I'm not sure how much he'll need to know how to iron - I imagine he'll just wear crumpled clothes! I'll make sure he's capable of doing his laundry though.

Not sure if mine will iron too, but I’ll show him. Budgeting is going to be a bit of a problem I think.

Mine haven’t gone to uni but they could use the washing machine, tumble dryer, clothes line/maiden and iron long before they were 18.

We all pitch in here, and have split household chores equally since they were about 16, so they know how to clean a bathroom and kitchen etc.

I do tend to take care of budgeting and bills, because they are all in my name, but when they are ready to leave I’ll show them how to do it, and they know things like how to set up a standing order to pay me board.

I cook for them about 50% of the time and the rest they have to figure out with the money they have available. Sometimes that’s takeaway, sometimes it’s yellow sticker items - which I think is standard for student age.

My DMum was very much of the school of thought that an intelligent person will learn these sort of skills quickly for themselves when there is need.

I would however talk to them about budgeting, using some form of diary (so they don't miss any important deadlines, whether administrative, academic or personal), checking they have cruised through the website so they are aware of what's there (academic, social, welfare and administration).

Plus how to do laundry and some elements of nutrition and cookery.

And repeating the wonderful advice (that horrified DMum) from the head of my all girls school at the leavers assembly

"Girls, if you think you might sleep with your boyfriend, go to the family planning clinic before, not after. And if you've had too much to drink, drink a pint of water before you go to sleep. And if you throw it up, have another one"

I'd suggest meals that can be made with very few ingredients.

How to take time out. Not needing accept every invitation.

@Ethelswith reminds me of what my mum used to say before we headed out for a Saturday night.

Be good. If you can't be good, be careful.

Seems like sound advice!

But yeah, all the basics, cooking, laundry, money and time management. I'd be surprised if most uni starters didn't have some idea of this stuff and they will figure it out once they're there.

I'm really panicking about this. DD has autism, and despite being so clever in bloody science subjects as well, she cannot understand a word I say when it comes to cooking. She just can't seem to get the basics - she recently put greaseproof paper under the grill, and a tin plate in the microwave. Whatever I try to explain, and I'm talking things like boiling a pan of pasta, she looks at me blankly and it just results in panic.

I feel like she's going to be one of those eccentric recluses you see on tv, doing science experiments in the kitchen and forgetting to eat or comb her hair.

With cooking and shopping, it's a very different experience at uni to home.

They have very limited storage - often a single cupboard for all dry food and cooking equipment, crockery etc. They have - at most - a single shelf in the fridge and a freezer drawer.

This limits them to having to buy smaller (more expensive) packs of things. They don't have a huge range of store cupboard ingredients. Batch cooking is hard due to limited freezer space.

Much will also depend on which shops they have easy access to. MY DD has to pay £4 in bus fares to get to her nearest supermarket, so decided she might as well spend that money on a supermarket delivery instead.

It's best to have a few basic recipes that they can use to start with whilst they get used to sharing a kitchen.

I could do /learn all the practical stuff but budgeting was one that I should have been taught and wasn't.

Sit down and do a plan with them.

Mine was to go to the cash point until it stopped giving me money. This was in the 90s and it's much easier now.

I'd advise a starling account too as this has saving spaces.

Seeline,

I’m hoping I can get a peek in the halls before he goes so I can help him along a bit. Things like, are there drawers under the bed or space to stash a massive bag of rice, pasta and Tetley tea.

My kid is not entirely useless. He’s worked really hard at school, has a lot of extra curricular activities which are actually the career he’s now going for, and he’s got 2 jobs. In a way, because he’s so busy, and I work PT, I’ve done most of the washing and ironing and cleaning up. He cooks a lot of our meals though, but this may now be a problem because we don’t go out much and I spend a lot of money on fancy food and wine. 🤔

The other day he said he was going to spend £200 on a present for his dad and join him on the activity, so that’s £400. I was like…..err, no you’re not!!!! You’ll be buying food!

How to be frugal and to have a pact with her friends so never, ever leave each other when out, to look after the drunkest one etc.

Boundaries. Boys at uni can be very entitled so watch out. I drummed this in with a megaphone.

They cooked regularly at home, full meals, how to use up leftovers etc. they did own laundry from 16. They had responsibilities (clean own room for instance, we had a cleaner for the rest of the house). Mine had an allowance from 14 which included for clothes (I bought school uniform and did take them a couple of times a year shopping but otherwise everything budgeted from allowance) and also got their school dinner money allowance to them, dd2 was more enterprising and not only went and bought packed lunch ingredients with it to save the remainder but also made lunches for other who paid her! (Long queues at school, big school)

Sorry, just realised you are talking about your son.

My boy yet to go. My advice to him will be somewhat different.

My 10 year old can do most of that stuff 😅, well not iron as we don't do that in this house but she can certainly cook anything that can be done in the air fryer, cook basic meals (with some light supervision - ie draining pasta). Can confidently separate clothes, work the machine, know what to hand and what can go in the dryer. I'd not thought ahead to uni but a single parent household with 2, soon to be 3 jobs and 2 dc with a very time consuming hobby - it's all hands on deck here!

I am struggling with this atm. I wasn't taught how to do anything before uni. I could put a wash on and cook a meal for the family but that was it. Cooking in a shared kitchen is not the same at all. I am still struggling with basic life skills now, and I would say my ability level is far below the average fresher. I am probably ND.

I am having huge rows with my parents right now because I am trying to teach my DC life skills and my parents insist everybody arrives at university unable to do anything and they learn as they go. They think I am being ridiculous.

Obviously I am still alive and have not starved to death but I think my uni experience might have been different had I had this grounding.

I don't know what to teach them and how to teach them because I'm not exactly sure how to do things myself. DC are also ND.

I'm the laziest "housewife" in the world so by the time they are 15/16 I've already delegated to them their own clothes washing / bedding washing/ ironing if needed. They can also cook and come food shopping with me and know how to spot a bargain in lidl so thats covered. I don't tend to have many snacky foods in so from age 9-10 ish theyve been making meals for themselves ( omlettes/ pasta with homemade sauces eg) if they are hungry.
Managing bills and finances ( using comparison websites etc) was the only thing that we "taught" them but that happened a bit organically over late teenage years. For example next time your broadband is up for renewal ask them to have a look and suggest which one they think will be best and try and find a bargain. ( this is a good one as in general they care deeply about broadband quality!).

Often we do acts of service for teens as away of showing love but actually that means we don't give them the chance to learn how to be independent.

I think it's excellent to prepare them for uni, gives them more confidence and saves them learning the hard way (eg budgeting), pink whites in laundry. Though sometimes you remember those those things and learn fast!

My two could shop and cook from early teens, did own washing (we don’t iron unless for interview), were shown how to clean - one was excellent, one refused and therefore lived in room in total squalor😫.

From early teens they learnt how to navigate public transport and from young age were put in charge of map reading on holidays. Both were very confident with this.

Wish we’d focused more on budgeting as was problem for one.

Both were surprised at the students they shared with being completely helpless eg needed to be shown how to open a tin.

Meal planning and budgeting for food, travel etc. is invaluable, as well as looking for good bargains and the best offers in supermarkets. Otherwise he's going to run out of money very quickly and you'll have to keep topping him up. Also time management - making sure he attends lectures and seminars but also leaves enough time to prepare for and complete assignments, as well as socialising. He's also going to need to be mindful of sharing a kitchen and ensuring he leaves in a decent state for other students.

Definitely best to get started on all this sooner rather than later.

Ds has been doing his own laundry and cooking simple meals for himself since he was about 13. Ditto cleaning. The one thing I had a bit of a concern about was him managing money, as I was terrible at his age, but I didn't teach him anything where that was concerned. I have a standing order to send him money each week and he knows he has to budget his food and travel with that. He has called a couple of times to ask how to cook a specific thing that he hasn't cooked before, but that's it.

Ds was put in halls in a flat with 6 other students and he said they're all hopeless when it comes to cleaning and cooking and just general taking care of stuff, so he gets really pissed off with them for leaving the kitchen filthy or borrowing his non stick pan and scratching it with metal utensils etc. So definitely make sure your DC know the basics so they don't annoy their flatmates!

Laundry. Including the fact that some clothes can be worn more than once… A helpful person from his halls on TSR gave him info on tumble dryers / drying racks in bedrooms.

Budget. My DS needed help with this. We were funding his living expenses so we sat down in September with a big sheet of paper and post it notes. The agreement we came to for the first year was that we would pay his hall fees, society fees, phone + sports kit and then set a weekly budget. At the very start, we gave him that budget fortnightly, then monthly and by Year 2 he could manage termly. I’m sure other (most…) DC would get to grips with this more quickly.

Food. DS was in a catered hall for year 1, but due to lock down, dinner was served early which meant he was starving again by 9.30 and wasted money on food deliveries. He needed some suggestions for cheap filling snacks. Before Year 2, my DH (our house cook) encouraged DS to cook for the family through the summer hols and he went back into his shared house with 6 or 7 dishes he could confidently cook and a basics shopping list on his phone.

So today, we did some introduction to life skills sessions. I am going to do bitesize bits with him.

I showed him how to separate whites and darks, and why we do it. Then he put on a wash with conditioner. Then, I showed him how to use the iron and he ironed 3 pairs of jeans and a long sleeve T and we went through how to fold T shirts.

He wasn't too bad 😅

I know this is all common sense, but he's a teenage boy.

I think we need to sort out the finances and work out his budget but in the meantime I will start taking him out and showing him how to buy good food on a budget rather than letting him chuck whatever he fancies in the trolley if he is with me. Not sure how this is going to work as both my DS's are eating machines, like Great Whites.

Don't think I ironed anything whilst at Uni until I started going for interviews! But I was a dab hand at folding things & putting heavier things on top 😂