Why do some people expect things for free?

[Catcherintherice]

I sometimes makes cakes as a hobby, and pass them on for fundraising; school fetes, charity raffles, etc, or share them with friends/ neighbours.

I very rarely make a cake I want to try that I don’t already have a ‘home’ for, and will then offer it on social media for a donation to cover the cost of the ingredients. Although my kitchen is of course clean it has not been hygiene inspected by the local council, so I don’t sell cakes for profit.

I recently advertised one on social media and a few people asked me to make one for them. I explained that I don’t make cakes to order and recommended a few good local bakers.

One woman gave a tale of woe, appeared to be friends with someone who had previously had a cake from me, and against my better judgement I agreed to make a ( fairly basic) cake for her. I had to be home that morning anyway for a heating engineer.

I told her how much the ingredients would cost.

She sent a few messages. One changing the flavour and another asking for an extra filling. Both increased costs a little but I didn’t alter the cost to her.

She then said she didn’t drive and wanted me to deliver. I don’t normally deliver. If I am just recouping the cost of ingredients it doesn’t give me much leeway for fuel or indeed accidental damage to the cake, but for the same reasons I initially felt sorry for her and agreed to make the cake, I also agreed to deliver.

It then occurred to me that the heating engineer might need to turn off the power as I had had a problem with the thermostat, so I decided to make the cake the day before.

I turned on the oven and the RCD tripped. I reset it and it happened again several times. I called the cooker cover plan company and they said they would arrange an appointment within 5 days.

I sent her a message apologising that I couldn’t make her cake and explained why. She had mentioned having a supermarket delivery the next day, so I suggested amending her order to include a cake. The message showed as opened, but she did not reply.

I next heard from her the following day upset that I had let her down and she didn’t know what to do. She clearly hadn’t ordered a cake for delivery.

She asked me if I could buy some sort of cake, similar to what I would have made.

My nearest supermarket is over 10 miles away ( approximately 7 miles from her), and I was waiting in for the heating engineer, but my friend was in town and she picked up a pretty decent cake. It cost £1 more than the cake ingredients I quoted.

Once the engineer had called I drove 3 miles to deliver the cake, intending to just charge the original sum ( whilst making a mental note to never agree to make a cake under similar circumstances). When I got there she was quite off with me, strongly implied that I had let her down and getting a replacement cake to her was the least I could do. She went on for some time before I realised that she didn’t intend to pay.

I know I said I would do something that in the end I couldn’t do, but she knew that I agreed as a favour, and not as a business. I don’t know why she thought I should be out of pocket. She’s not a friend, just a random person who contacted me via social media.

Sounds like you need a proper business structure that sets expectations to avoid all this emotional labour from both sides

Oh dear, OP. It's hard to believe how ungrateful people can be! You did go above and beyond, I hope you had some of the cake yourself after all that?

Or more likely, OP will just say no to taking orders, since she states this is a hobby not a business.

Bloody hell OP, stop being a wet lettuce! You sound like a lovely and caring person and whilst you wanted to help someone, what you actually did was allow someone to walk all over you.

What sob story did she give you that made you drop your boundaries at the start? "My terminally ill (insert relative) has 24 hours to live and their dying wish is to eat one of your cakes. This will be the last time they ever eat cake so it's important that it's special and not shop bought". Even then, you don't know this person and you don't make cakes to order so why not direct her to the nearest bakery or tell her to find someone else. I'm sure your cakes are amazing but there's loads of people who make cakes to order as well as shops.

She is a looser and a vile person

However sone people would actuslly help her! - i wouldnt, you were right not too.
so i can understand her for trying even if it was a super over the top and rude

You sound like a kind person that can be trusted to be reliable and honest. It’s not your fault you have crossed paths with a freeloading liar. It’s a good idea to set boundaries around your goodwill so people don’t take advantage of you.

@Catcherintherice it doesn’t matter if you are only charging for ingredients you still need to register as a food business with the local authority if any money is changing hands.
Even those making food completely for free for charity etc still need to register if they do it regularly enough.
Offering cakes out on social media to strangers is illegal and asking for trouble.

I dread to think what she would have done to you if she had contracted a tummy bug from your cake. It doesn't bear thinking about. I think you are heading into trouble op.

Then why is she involving strangers? Absolutely bonkers. Everyone knows that for every 10 perfectly nice strangers, there's one nutcase.

Yes, I did, which is why I - and come to that many other posters over the next two pages - have said that it is such a bizarre thing to do in the first place, to offer a cake out to strangers on social media. That's even before the whole saga about delivering it and then going to buy one from a shop

Maybe instead of having a go at the generous OP you should send the criticism in the direction of the CF?!

Maybe instead of having a go at the generous OP you should send the criticism in the direction of the CF?!

To me, it's a bit like leaving your car unlocked, with your handbag on the seat, next to the latest iPhone, and your Rolex.
In some theoretical utopia, it would be lovely if you could do that and return to find them all still there, but I'd still say "What on earth were you doing?" to anyone who was daft enough to do that.

As I suggested, there are so many places you could donate a cake to if you really enjoy making them and make more than you can eat yourself and give to family and friends - it is just bonkers to randomly offer things on the internet where there are scammers and cfs aplenty. But then to go off and buy a cake for the cf, is really daft.

Why on earth did you buy and deliver a cake. I would have no issue with buying one in those circumstances.

It's Free Cakes for Kids - there are different branches across the UK. I bake for our local branch - most recipients are lovely and genuinely grateful, but there are some who are quite demanding and I once spent the best part of an evening driving around trying to deliver a cake to a family who'd gone out.

Unfortunately op your kindness has been marked out as weakness.dont get involved in dialogue with these types.

Don't let freeloaders walk all over you again, she was taking the pi$$.

Stick to your boundaries and let any sob story roll off you like water over a ducks' back.

She's rude, and should be ashamed of herself.

OP I would far, far rather be someone like you- a generous kind person who is occasionally burnt for it- than some of the sneering, suspicious posters here.

I get what you’re saying but it is not either extreme, there is a mid point,

the woman behaved appallingly, but the op allowed herself to be bullied into buying someone she didn’t even know a cake and even delivering it. At least she didn’t hand it over, but it lacked boundaries at its mildest.

i don’t really think either covered themselves in glory to be honest, but for very different reasons,

@PlasticOno, "I wish people would stop saying things like this. It normalises people-pleasing."

No, it doesn't. Since when are altruism, trust, sticking to your word and following through on an intention to do something good for someone else, things to be discouraged? Sure, the would-be recipient of the cake was clearly hoping to take advantage of the kindness of a stranger, but that's on her, not the OP. OP was not 'people-pleasing'.

I'm like you, OP, default setting is seeing the good in others and if the opportunity arises, I go out of my way to help. Much rather live like this and very occasionally get taken for a ride, than be so scared of someone trying to get one up on me that I stop being switched on to those around me.

I'd also add, on the subject of 'people-pleasing': much of the 'nice to haves' we rely on in society arises out of good people's inclination and capacity to go the extra mile, whether it is a care assistant spending an extra 10 minutes with your incontinent mum, your child's teacher working for free to go on a 5-day residential or volunteer litter-pickers in the park ‐we criticise OP's impulse to do someone a good turn at our peril. If my profession stopped 'people-pleasing' at work, and didn't follow through on inklings to help where possible in order to simply 'work to rule' so as not to get taken advantage of, our service would flounder and parents up and down the country wouldn't know what had hit them.

I sometimes use my particular skills free of charge to help people who ask me normally they are grateful and that is thanks enough. Occasionally they are CFs who have no gratitude and simply want something for nothing. They don’t get a second chance.

Personally I think giving to strangers opens you up not just to things like these but also to someone saying made them sick just to try for some compensation. But what if you could find maybe a women's refuge, homeless refuge, elderly home or a place that shelters children, you could bring a lot of joy.

Well said. @Catcherintherice sounds absolutely lovely.
I would have been sorely tempted to shove the cake in her face though, instead of taking it away 😆

Why on earth would you get involved in this madness? 😂

Exactly

Sure, but I am saying of the two extremes I would rather be known for being overly generous than for never doing an altruistic thing. I don't think she should be anywhrre near as embarrassed of herself as many commenting here believe.

Does it mean you're sometimes taken advantage of? Sure, but that's testament to their character, not yours.