Why do some people expect things for free?

[Catcherintherice]

I sometimes makes cakes as a hobby, and pass them on for fundraising; school fetes, charity raffles, etc, or share them with friends/ neighbours.

I very rarely make a cake I want to try that I don’t already have a ‘home’ for, and will then offer it on social media for a donation to cover the cost of the ingredients. Although my kitchen is of course clean it has not been hygiene inspected by the local council, so I don’t sell cakes for profit.

I recently advertised one on social media and a few people asked me to make one for them. I explained that I don’t make cakes to order and recommended a few good local bakers.

One woman gave a tale of woe, appeared to be friends with someone who had previously had a cake from me, and against my better judgement I agreed to make a ( fairly basic) cake for her. I had to be home that morning anyway for a heating engineer.

I told her how much the ingredients would cost.

She sent a few messages. One changing the flavour and another asking for an extra filling. Both increased costs a little but I didn’t alter the cost to her.

She then said she didn’t drive and wanted me to deliver. I don’t normally deliver. If I am just recouping the cost of ingredients it doesn’t give me much leeway for fuel or indeed accidental damage to the cake, but for the same reasons I initially felt sorry for her and agreed to make the cake, I also agreed to deliver.

It then occurred to me that the heating engineer might need to turn off the power as I had had a problem with the thermostat, so I decided to make the cake the day before.

I turned on the oven and the RCD tripped. I reset it and it happened again several times. I called the cooker cover plan company and they said they would arrange an appointment within 5 days.

I sent her a message apologising that I couldn’t make her cake and explained why. She had mentioned having a supermarket delivery the next day, so I suggested amending her order to include a cake. The message showed as opened, but she did not reply.

I next heard from her the following day upset that I had let her down and she didn’t know what to do. She clearly hadn’t ordered a cake for delivery.

She asked me if I could buy some sort of cake, similar to what I would have made.

My nearest supermarket is over 10 miles away ( approximately 7 miles from her), and I was waiting in for the heating engineer, but my friend was in town and she picked up a pretty decent cake. It cost £1 more than the cake ingredients I quoted.

Once the engineer had called I drove 3 miles to deliver the cake, intending to just charge the original sum ( whilst making a mental note to never agree to make a cake under similar circumstances). When I got there she was quite off with me, strongly implied that I had let her down and getting a replacement cake to her was the least I could do. She went on for some time before I realised that she didn’t intend to pay.

I know I said I would do something that in the end I couldn’t do, but she knew that I agreed as a favour, and not as a business. I don’t know why she thought I should be out of pocket. She’s not a friend, just a random person who contacted me via social media.

You need to more up front about your costs, then you'll see peoples true colours.

You sound a real softy OP. You put yourself out massively for this rude ungrateful person and she was very ungrateful. Never agree to make her a cake again.

Certain people see the weaknesses in other people. I see some people doing this with my DH because he is kind and charitable. Consequently some sociopaths take advantage of him and he ends up feeling as you have.

I, on the other hand, am always deeply suspicious of others motives and they don't come near me.

You need to maybe be a little more suspicious op.

Plenty of people like that on Facebook looking for free stuff. I hate a sad story - I never believe it, hate excuses - give stuff away on Facebook marketplace got fucked around with pick up times and decided never again.

There’s some terrible people out there. I was once trying to give away a really expensive climbing frame for free, a woman msg me asking to deliver it to her for free (over 100 miles away) and when I said sorry collection only she sent me a long email telling me what an awful person I was (along with lots of swearing at me)! Ppl are weird.

I'd have stopped at the point she wanted it delivered. And again at the point the oven blew.

Why couldn't she make a cake herself. It isn't difficult.

Some people are unbelievably lazy !!

I'm not sure if it stopped with Covid but a town near me used to have an organisation that would make free cakes for children's birthdays. The website was something like free cakes for children's birthdays. I think there was an admin to make sure no one was taking advantage.
Have a Google if there is something similar in your area, OP, as you could direct people there if you want to soften your "no".

I gave a very expensive piece of furniture to a “hard up” person I sort of knew from years prior.
I sent her the key to my storage space as it was in another town.
All of a sudden on the day, my phone started blowing up with texts:
Do you want this?
What about this?
Can I have this and this and this?
She had rented a giant truck and had her family with her and expected to clean out my entire storage.
I explained to her, rather curtly, that I was giving her the one piece and that was it.
She hasn’t spoken to me since.
I had to get a mutual friend to retrieve the key.
No kindness goes unpunished.

@DreamTheMoors the op has already said:

I sometimes makes cakes as a hobby, and pass them on for fundraising; school fetes, charity raffles, etc, or share them with friends/ neighbours.

I very rarely make a cake I want to try that I don’t already have a ‘home’ for, and will then offer it on social media for a donation to cover the cost of the ingredients.

I don't think she needs to start going on Facebook!

She never intended to pay. Start being more assertive.

Some people are monumentally entitled, it's staggering. But you can avoid them by shutting it down the moment anyone random asks you to make a cake. Just say "sorry, I don't take orders". Every time.

I know it’s hard but try not to be so accommodating. You’re not a business, so she can’t leave you a bad review.

I cannot imagine why you would do this?

It was very nice of you to help the batshit lady.

Well done for walking away with the cake. I hope it did ruin her day.

I wish people would stop saying things like this. It normalises people-pleasing. The OP was completely mad.

Sorry OP that you were treated like this. You sound lovely and got taken advantage of. Lesson learned but don't take it to heart.
Sorry for some of the nasty comments on here too.

OP wasn't completely mad. She has a good heart and started out believing she was helping someone with a plausible sob story. It's not likely to happen again, lessons learned etc

I think you need to stop offering them on social media. It invites these kind of people and it puts you at risk, what if someone buys it and has an allergic reaction or gets food poisoning? Do you have insurance?

We differ there.

Don't make cakes for random people from social media for free. Even if they have a sob story.

I would have also contacted the mutual friend and asked who this person was before doing anything. Just because you have a mutual connection on social media doesn't really mean they are going to be a nice/ decent person.

I'm.wracking my brains to try and find a sane reason why you did all this. It would have so much easier to just say sorry no can do and block the woman. Lesson learnt : some.people are just piss takers

This is really bad, it is staggering that someone would treat you like this.

I know someone who expects things for free/very cheaply, although they wouldn’t be as unreasonable as described here. They have a perception that if you make things for fun, then they are doing you a favour by taking it off your hands. I think this is why you often hear about musicians, artists, seamstresses and bakers being taken advantage of when people don’t do the same for accountants, for example. It’s because creative stuff is seen as fun, where the boring stuff isn’t. OP, your time is as precious as everyone else’s, don’t feel like you owe anyone anything.

I think I’ve interacted with the same person.

Sold some school shirts on marketplace. Person asked for reduced price. Agreed. Then she couldn’t pick up from my house so agreed town location. That wasn’t suitable so she asked me to deliver them to her house in another town. Err no, I’m not using my petrol and wasting an hour of my time for your convenience. Shirts ended up at charity shop.

Contacting the ‘mutual’ friend in advance would actually have been a sensible idea, and had I do so would have stopped all of this in its tracks.
Lessons definitely have been learned. I will just say no and block if necessary in future.

Just delete any more CF of that sort.