Inner monologue - do you have one?

[Dipsydoodlenoodle]

I'm nearly 40 and about 5 years ago learned about aphantasia. I've never been able to visualise, if someone said picture a red ball all I can see is grey. Nothing, no matter how hard I try.

A few weeks ago I'd seen a post on Facebook about an inner monologue - again I can't "hear" a voice or anything - it's just empty with thoughts of what I need to do. I didn't realise that an inner monologue was an actual real thing.

Do you all have one and what is it like?

I have ideas for novels and I often run through the scenes in my head "writing" it. I definitely sometimes hear the words in my head. I think a lot.

Yes and it never shuts the fuck up. She's so annoying and I need to drown her out with brown noise at bedtime.

Oh my god same here. I've got it inside but I spend most of my time talking to myself or singing 😂 at least now Ive got a toddler, when I'm out it just looks like I'm talking to him 🤣😭🤣

If I'm walking around the house and remember something I will speak it out loud rather than think it, like 'Oh nuts I forgot to run the dishwasher' or look in the fridge and say 'Well I made that soup on Saturday so I should really eat the last of it today.' Husband always thinks I'm talking to him 😂

I'm autistic and definitely have no inner monologue, it's nice and quiet in my head. I can't really describe my thought processes other than to say I don't have a running commentary of my life going on. It's more... abstract when I remember or think things. Very hard to explain!

I do hear my voice when I read silently though.

To be fair, Ça plane pour Moi is an absolute banger of a tune.

My IM is more like a 3D holographic rendering of Air Traffic Control with me standing in the middle like the Colossus of Rome (or Kong being bothered by planes at the top of the Empire State Building if I'm trying to sleep/concentrate) and most obvious thoughts and information represented by the largest and nearest planes I need to move out of the way so I can reach the information beyond. Oh, whilst hearing every single conversation on the radios and getting interference from both LW and shortwave radio transmissions on the ground - overwhelm is when I start going all Godzilla.

I used to try and drown it out with music, but that failed once I'd learned music theory and audio engineering, as it meant I'd start analysis and deconstruction of pieces, then I tried listening to foreign language radio, but that now means I get international channels in my head as well, so I'm back to English and podcasts about Ancient Civilisations to put my attention somewhere off in the far right beyond where the Elephants' Graveyard and talking Hyenas live for long enough to sleep.

This is funny and spot on. Very much my inner dialogue as well. My greatest fear is 'did I just say that out loud?'

I laughed at the description of being hypnotised or getting a shoulder/neck massage. Yup.

Same with meditation. You gotta be joking because it is so noisy in my head. 😂

Sort of a milder version of Venom: https://www.imdb.com/video/vi1186773529/?ref_=tt_vi_i_1

Me too! I just assumed everybody did! What do they have in their heads otherwise! 🤷‍♀️

@DotWomanNeighbour It's hard to explain. It's more abstract thought than a running monologue in sentences.

But if you've got thoughts inside your head, then surely that's your inner monologue. Need to order oxygen. Must be home for therapy appointment etc. it's not like most people's is a hello, how are you back and forth it's just the constant noise of thoughts and memories and songs and conversations you wish you'd had etc

Yes, I'm not friends with her though... she never says what I want to hear.

There's always noise in head, constantly!
All the things I need to do, what I should be doing, what I've done, self criticism, the anxiety, the thought of that embarrassing, cringy memory from 1994, th3 arguments I have with myself, the arguments that build up in my head because once again, no one in the house has listened to me and then there's the music on repeat!!

Though I like pretending I'm Nigella in my head when cooking dinner 🤣

I am the same on the vision front! I can remember photos but can’t visualize from life. It makes me a bit sad as without pictures I wouldn’t be able to visualize my kids or parents if anything happened to them. I’m not 100% blind in the way as I can visualize the persons features, I just can’t put them together to make a full view of the person.

@TheBirdintheCave Hi. Yes I mean I too have a running monologue of everything I’m doing, thinking, feeling. Analysing, critiquing. Every word I say, every interaction. It’s exhausting and I just assumed everyone did the same x

Yes. It's always there. I can't imagine how incredibly bored I would get without it or get anything done. And I consider that voice to be me - how do you build a sense of self without an internal voice?

That's not what it sounds like though, I don't think like that, I just sort of... know... or think pictures of the thing. It's so, so hard to explain.

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/does-everyone-have-an-internal-monologue

"If you don’t have an inner monologue, there’s no chatter in your head. It might show up sometimes, but for the most part, your mind is quiet. “It can feel like you aren’t thinking about anything,” Ogle explains. Instead of experiencing a voiceover or narration, you take in information but don’t really think about it. A person without an inner monologue isn’t constantly imagining their next move in their head, Pressley adds. Instead, they just kind of do it."

^^ That's kinda it.

Yes. And I've just started attempting to teach DC to drive, so whenever we are in the car whoever is driving, I'm talking aloud now - as taught to me by an advanced driving instructor.

But unfortunately along with 'yes I'm looking for hazards like cyclists here, down to third for this corner, watch for that madman, white line, oh god, nevermind, second here, look for the crossing' type stuff it turns out I do the Bod tune on long straight roads and say "bumpybumpy" and "turneyturney" on speed humps and round corners. And now DC does, which puzzled DH somewhat when he did a lesson 😂

I had one so bad at one point I could barely function in the real world, it's called maladaptive daydreaming and it's a trauma response meaning I basically shut out the outside world and created an imaginary safe world in my head.
Anyone who spoke to me was an annoyance because they were interrupting.
I'd pace up and down in a trance like state completely immersed in my own thoughts and found it almost impossible to focus on anything real outside my head and would be constantly pulled back into my imagination.
I don't know when I started being more present, perhaps when reality became more bearable, I have children now and a husband so I'm just less daydreamy.
I still prefer being alone and have never been very social and I still go for long walks alone disguised as exercise so I can live in a fantasy world for a while just as a break from reality.
And in real life nobody would ever know, except my parents who guesses as a kid because I'd spend hours and hours rocking to music in my trance like daydreaming and never went out.
I was bullied as a child and apparently this was my way of dealing with it, I just created a different life in my head which I liked and lived in it because it was better than reality.

and I still go for long walks alone disguised as exercise so I can live in a fantasy world

😁 That's my kind of exercise.

I think it's just so hard to imagine that my mind can't comprehend it. Like a quiet head. Wow. I have tinnitus too and had it for so long I assumed everyone did. It's hard to imagine what a head without tinnitus (currently high pitch in my left ear) sounds like, so to one where you aren't constantly listening to songs or imaginary conversations or redoing conversations or my imaginary dating life where I work in a book shop 🤣🤣

@SleepingStandingUp Ah sorry about the tinnitus. My husband has this from his days as a musician and struggles with it sometimes.

The imaginary book shop sounds fabulous by the way! 😂

Oh yes and mine is constantly going!! A lot of the time it's music but then I start dancing to myself and people look at me strange 😂 for example my daughter watched trolls last night and since then I have the soundtrack playing in my head. If I need to work out a problem I more or less have a conversation with myself to work out a solution. I also hear my subconscious in the form of my own voice that warns me of things so for example I was previously in a very toxic (borderline dangerous) relationship and I could always hear my brain saying "what are you doing, you can do better than this" and it got louder and more frequent until I left him! My inner voice is so prominent that I was baffled when I found out some people don't have sounds or pictures in their mind at all! How do you count without speaking? Where does your imagination come from? Do you dream? I have so many questions 😊

I’ve had it all my life, arguably several inner monologues with different moods, priorities etc. and I have had internal arguments with myself…

It can be great as I have a very vivid imagination. It can also be utterly exhausting. But it’s not something I have a choice over so I just have to get on with it. I can’t fathom not having one, I’d feel incredibly lonely if mine switched off for some reason.

@thejollytrolleydolly

Aphantasia (where you can't picture things) is something different to not having an inner monologue. I can... just about... picture things if someone asks me to imagine something and I can definitely play music or noises on command in my head and read and count silently, I just don't have a running commentary of my life and any questions I ask myself I do so out loud.

I definitely dream and I have a fabulous imagination as writing fantasy novels is a hobby of mine 😅

@TheBirdintheCave oh fab! There seems to be lots of different levels to it! I did read that some people have absolutely nothing in regards to pictures or sound playing internally and I suppose the questions were more towards those people as I can't wrap my head around not having any internal noise whatsoever! I bet they fall asleep so quickly though which I am very jealous of 😂 x

@TheBirdintheCave also very cool hobby! I wish I could write well but I never seem to be able to translate my thoughts into actual sentences 🙈 what kind of fantasy do you write? X