Fed up of having babies that don't sleep

[LibraryUser]

Just that really. Second child and again this one doesn't sleep other than on a human. I know it's natural etc but bloody hell it's miserable; constant tiredness, constant grind, doing overnights in shifts so never get to speak to husband for long, never being able to 'sleep when baby sleeps' whether day or night.

I am so jealous of people who can put their babies down to sleep. I really thought I might get one of those this time.

Not looking for advice as I have read loads of threads and tried lots of advice, just looking to moan and share my fed up-ness and how miserable it makes me feel.

I hear you! I'm in exactly the same position with second baby with silent reflux who can't be put down. I'd hoped we'd avoid it this time, but here we are again. It's relentless and so hard to keep awake when you desperately want to sleep

Hang in there! I keep telling myself it's just a phase and won't be forever even though it feels like it.

@Em1151 thanks and sending you strength as well. It's just well...crap isn't it.
You are right it's a phase but one I just have no idea when it will end. Second is only v young, but I already miss my old life!

You're brave. DD's lack of sleep is one of the reasons she's an only.

How old are your two?

This too shall pass, yaddah yaddah.

Doesn’t feel like it when my 2.5yo and 9mo are crying and/or playing musical beds.

Stay strong 💪

Sounds like you're having a tough time.

Our society has sold us the cruel idea that we are nesting animals that can leave our chicks in their fancy crib nest while we enjoy freedom. But we are carrying mammals who as you already know are deisgned to have our little baby chimps glued to us.

My silver lining is that safe bedsharing is cosy and lovely and enables the elusive 'sleep when they sleep' (and when combined with breastfeeding protective against SIDS)

I feel your pain OP, my 3 week old only wants to sleep on me or his dad. It's very hard. And I'm only 3 weeks in!

He did sleep in bed with me for 3 hours this morning but I'm so worried about squishing him.

@countrypunk are you breastfeeding? If so your body is producing incredible wakeful hormones that put you in a permanant state of awareness of your baby even while you are sleeping. If you are breastfeeding, following the 'safe sleep seven' - sober, non-smoking, not on medication etc., you WILL NOT squish your baby.

There's been some great research on this done by Dr. Mckenna in his sleep lab
https://cosleeping.nd.edu/

Sending solidarity. This is my second and he's now almost 4 months, and still awful at sleeping. I was hopeful things would have improved by now, but alas, the no-sleep life is destined for me.

It sucks, I get frustrated with it daily. I have 2 days a week when I am home alone with baby while toddler is in nursery, and I have zero energy to do anything, I have to use the days to recuperate to make it through the rest of the week with no sleep + toddler. I need to go to bed at 9pm latest every night if I have any hope of surviving, so similar to you, I feel like I haven't seen my husband properly in months. It just feels like survival mode and I know people say that's what the newborn stage is, but there just doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm so sick of seeing posts about the same aged babies sleeping all night or mums asking for advice on how to drop the one night feed that they have!

@Wossupdoc I am breastfeeding. Thank you, that is so helpful and reassuring.

I could have written this! It’s so, so hard. How old is your LO? Mine is almost 8 weeks and I am losing the will!

@Wossupdoc thanks. Yes I need to try cosleeping again I think. I've tried a few times but baby still doesn't settle as they are not ON me, only NEXT to me.

What's that quote about insanity...doing the same thing again and again and expecting different result. I know in this case the baby is changing so the result will/may change, but until then rhe insane feeling is real!

@Cindy1802 I know what u mean about other posts. It's not a race to the bottom and everyone's challenges are valid, but even the ones who say they only get 3 hrs sleep then have to pick up baby to feed them send me a bit crazy - I'd love to be able to put mine down and sleep next to them for 2 hours myself!

Yep same here. I’m on number 3 now and was hopeful I’d had a sleepy one this time but the little bugger is even worse than her sisters bless her. Silent reflux is such a killer, she will nap for 10-15 mins at a time 🫠 sending solidarity

Totally with you. DS2 is now one and just starting to sleep a bit better but still worse than most friends' little ones. Lack of sleep is horrendous. I'd love another but don't think we'd survive it....

Yes I need to try cosleeping again I think. I've tried a few times but baby still doesn't settle as they are not ON me, only NEXT to me.

Are you breastfeeding? And if so will baby feed to sleep? If you haven't already and can crack the side lying position it is life changing. You can then delatch and baby is already asleep on the bed. Or leave them suckling and you both sleep while they feed.

If baby was already asleep on me I sometimes would be able to slowly roll them off me onto the bed and they would occasionally stay asleep provided I maintained 100% full body contact at all times, them sleeping nuzzled in my armpit.

Many breastfeeding mums sleep with their baby on their chest also. There's been less research on chestsleeping compared with safe bedsharing, but it is very different to a baby sleeping alone on their tummy :

“the vestibular up and down movement and touch, breastmilk olfactory cues, feeling mother’s breath, breathing in small puffs of mom’s exhaled CO2 that can stimulate breathing... makes ventral-ventral sleep a sensory-rich sleep environment that regulates the baby physiologically".

https://www.instagram.com/happycosleeper/p/Cq1R4RptF8z/?imgindex=5

Sorry, you specifically asked for no advice yet here I am

<biased mummy>
The lack of sleep is an absolute shitter, but the less they sleep, the more inquisitive they are, and they turn into absolutely fabulous still none sleeping in my case toddlers.
And when they still don't sleep as teens, you don't have to turf them out of bed to go to school, and occasionally you come downstairs to bacon and eggs, or waffles or some other delicious breakfast.
So, there are longer term benifits to the none sleeping variety. Just hold in there til you start getting there.

How old is your baby? My youngest was like this and it was hell on earth. You have my sympathies

I'm another one who is one and done due to a crap sleeper! You have my sympathy, OP. Do future-you a favour and make this your last baby!

@bakewellbride only 3 weeks old. So yes, I know, very very young. Ans it may change/improve. But right now it is just bringing up memories of my first who was like this for a long tjme and I did not cope well with so little sleep

Happy another night to those all up for this reason.

Baby currently also suffering from lots of gas I think tonight as will not stop wriggling.

Our society has sold us the cruel idea that we are nesting animals that can leave our chicks in their fancy crib nest while we enjoy freedom. But we are carrying mammals who as you already know are designed to have our little baby chimps glued to us.

^ this is what should be taught in biology and sex education and antenatal classes...so many women are shocked to discover that their baby doesn't want to be put down and their husband is just as unaware of how to support a new mum through this. Hate hearing about velcro babies as if they're a strange phenomenon, instead of the most natural normal thing in human evolution.

Have my toddler to the left, baby to the right. It's exhausting and I already know I'll miss it!

👋

Sending solidarity to anyone up now and in this situation tonight!

I'm still trying....and trying... and trying to put Baby down to sleep and hoping one day it'll happen!

Gosh this took me right back to when my DD was little - she was exactly the same. I think by about 4/5 weeks she would allow me to cosleep with her which was some improvement but it was 4 pretty tough years - like @MrsTerryPratchett one of the reasons she is an only! Sending strength, solidarity and some super strong coffee for the morning!!

'I am so jealous of people who can put their babies down to sleep. I really thought I might get one of those this time.'

I hear you. Or people who can sit on the bench with a coffee / have lunch at a cafe - whilst their baby sleeps in the pram.
Mine only slept if I was moving. It was really disheartening.

I'm stopping at one for that reason.

You’re in the hideous part at the moment and you have my every sympathy. Do whatever you need to do to survive.

DD1 slept in 28 minute bursts, day and night, for months. I then spent months sleeping on a floor mattress next to her cot because she wouldn’t co sleep but didn’t want me far away. Luckily at 5 is now happy in her own bed with 532 million cuddly toys.

DD2 is 2.8 and still only sleeps more than a few hours if cuddled up next to me - it’s beyond co sleeping, it’s full contact sleeping. She senses me coming to bed at night and is immediately up and in our bed. DH gets evicted nightly.

Those were dark days, barely snoozing with a baby plastered against me all night, then dealing with a toddler all day while DH worked. I have no helpful words other than it will pass, and that not a single other parent should judge you for doing anything you need to get through the next year or so.