Boyfriend trying to improve me - controlling?

[KeiraKnightley2]

I've been with boyfriend for nearly 5 months. He has autism and is in a high flying career, with a perfectionist mindset. I also have similar but limit to myself and not my expectations of others.

Yesterday he said he noticed I don't drink much water. Seemed an odd comment. The truth is I've been drinking a lot less water and thinking 'I need to start drinking more again'. But that's my business. He then told me how much I need every day as an adult...

I was annoyed that he was telling me what to do so I said 'Im not going to be critiqued, please drop it.'

I also have a mild lactose intolerance which means I don't eat much dairy but when I do have ice cream or cheese I (happily) suffer for a few hours. Again, my decision. Last night he brought me tablets to counteract this and said 'you should take this before we have dinner'

To be clear I just feel a bit unwell, it's not like I'm stinking out the toilet etc. I'm over 30 and a fully matured adult. Is it just me or this tip of the iceberg stuff?

Well it doesn't sound like trying to improve you as I thought you were going to say he wanted you to get fit or read more or something.
More like being a bit clumsily too caring about your health?
But if you don't enjoy it fair enough to push back like you have as only you know if it had an edge to do with healthy living perhaps.
It's a bit odd really I wouldn't tell my DH to drink more water unless he had been unwell and it was a necessity.

Yet...

Sounds like an everyday conversation in this house.

I think those who are saying it’s not controlling are probably meaning that it’s not explicitly designed to be controlling (with a sinister motive)… which may be the case. But…. It’s clear over-stepping. It’s blurring the lines between your autonomy and his need to “fix” things on your behalf (unsolicited).

My previous relationship was exactly like this… I ended things after he sulked for two days because I’d not stood in the ‘right’ spot to get the best view of a beauty spot that he’d decided I should see. I can only see with hindsight that this started on day 1, with him bending over backwards to “look after” me and anticipate my every need (even where there was no need). Examples were: buying my a fitness watch to help improve my sport pace, deciding I’d be good at cycling so spending thousands on a custom built bike for me as a surprise (made me feel really beholden to him & obligated to use it), installing kitchen lights in my kitchen without my knowledge to remedy it being “too dingy”, doing the arranging of all holidays and micro-managing the fun we’d have, giving me a pressure washer because my patio wasn’t up to scratch etc etc… I think part of me felt pleased he cared but knew deep down that he was overstepping my boundaries…. Once I’d ended it he went on to pester me to reconcile for 4 YEARS….so now I look back and want to scream “run!”

'Controlling' I don't know. Intensely annoying, yes.

This kind of backseat driving would drive me bonkers. I'm also willing to stake a hefty bet that it would bug the living hell out of those OPs upthread who insist he's lovely and caring, despite their protestations that they'd snap him up given half a chance. I'll bet they would.

This kind of thing gets old very, very quickly. It's an utter turn-off. You're a grown adult, not a child, and do not need constant supervision.

YANBU. Were he already getting under my skin like this after a mere 5 months, I'd be gone. Life's too short.

Can't wait until you tell him the dishes need doing, then he can throw this all back at you.

I wouldn't say he's trying to control you as such, but it does sound like he's trying to mother you or infantilise you. You clearly don't like it, so just tell him he needs to stop.