Did you know how many DC you wanted before you had any?

[Superduperuper]

Pregnant with baby no.1 and thinking about being one and done. There’s a number of reasons but house size, finances, time, energy and resources are all up there. We just think at this moment in time we could focus on one much better. That is just us being pragmatic.

Everyone says we will change our mind when baby is here and that we’ll want more when they’re older. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve always dreamed of becoming parents and are so excited - but does that really mean we need to do it multiple times?

Did you know how many DC you wanted before you experienced being a parent and did it change?

Always wanted four. Had three. Now they are here I would like zero or one.

Wanted 3. Had 3. Very happy.

Thought I wanted 2 even when pregnant with my son.

After my son was born my mind changed straight away I was one and done.

Got sterilised soon after best decision every and feel so much better with this decision.

We originally wanted two. Dd was haaarrrrd work (later diagnosed with asd) so we dithered about whether to have a second. We weren’t exactly being ‘careful’ and I got pregnant…which turned out to be twins 🤣. So we have 3! We would NEVER have planned to have 3 dc but wouldn’t change it now of course.

When I was young I wanted four. Married at 24, babies at 25 and 27, then 30 and 32. Take a gap from work from 25-35.

In reality, met DH at 29, married at 32, first baby at 33, intended to keep working but couldn't due to babys health. Twins at 38. So work gap from 33- probably 44/45.

I wanted 3, dh wanted 1, we compromised on 2. One girl one boy, I think if we had 2 of the same we would have had another.

Assumed I'd have 2- ended with none.

12yrs TTC, lost 3, rounds of IVF and no cause for sub-fertility ever found. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you expect them to. I have a very happy life, its just different to the one I thought I'd have.

Wanted one - have one.

Can't imagine having any more - she is perfect!

I think the old saying 'have one and they fit into your life, have two and you fit into theirs' is very true.

Having one means we continue to have lots of holidays, eating out etc. Not only because of money but it is much more manageable.

One and done and despite everyone saying I would change my mind, if anything I have become more ingrained!

Had no idea if I wanted them at all, finally decided OK I'll have one. I was 39 when DS was born and we never considered having any more, one is perfect for us.

As someone with 2 siblings I wanted 2 at most. The world seemed set up for 2 adults and 2 children, being one of 3 we always had extra ticket on top of a family ticket, extra bed in a hotel room, 2 children on a ride together with one on their own, 2 children playing together leaving one out, one parent with a child and one parent with two. Just my own personal experience.

Dh is one of 2 and wanted 2. We luckily had 2 but I was told it would be IVF and even then possibly never. I naturally conceived so Ds1 is definitely a miracle, Ds2 is bonus miracle.

I wanted 3 but now I’ve got 1 who is 16 months and I’m wondering if I’ll survive another newborn stage.

Wanted two, currently 8 weeks pregnant with my second and that will be it. Husband wanted 3 but due to fertility issues we're not as young as we would have liked to be and there's only so much of the IVF rollercoaster we can take so assuming everything goes smoothly with this one he's fine with stopping.

I'm same as you. Pregnant with first. Always said I'd want 2 but think I might be 1 and done.

Everyone says I'll change my mind so I guess time will tell!
Finances and due to being so so sick during this pregnancy.

Always wanted 3 -DH said he was the same - first two both thinking maybe 4 DH never completely saying yes just maybe. 3rd pg horrific pg care and negligence during birth - shear lucky we were both alright - really put us off never got broody at same time and then youngest hit 6 we moved and we were both so glad we'd stopped at 3.

MIL only ever wanted one - horrific early birth she hated motherhood first few years despite a lot of support - she got so mad at everyone insisting she'd have another at some point- she had a ten year compinged to get sterilised before they finally did it. DH was a very happy only. Oddly she insisted that we'd only want one despite us being clear we wanted 3 and when we did say no more IL refused to listen and insisted we'd have another.

I wanted four.

Stopped after the first 🤣 but she’s fabulous so all good.

There were numerous reasons, horrible pregnancy and birth, PND, ongoing health issues after that meant I was at higher risk of being unable to conceive/miscarrying, less than idyllic marriage and just the general feeling that I could be a really good mum to child, but would probably be mediocre at best if I had more.

DD is now 19 and I work with kids…realised the other day when dealing with about 5 of them at the same time that I probably would have been up to it after all, but such is life.

Wanted 2 initially but now I have a baby and realised the realities of parenting, leaning towards one and done.

Want to go back to work and therefore limited time and energy and prefer to put that towards 1 child. I think I would feel bad to take time, energy and financial resources away from my child to have another with no guarantee of a positive sibling relationship.

I wanted 2 or 3. We stuck at 2 for financial reasons.

Wanted two, baby number two turned out to be twins!

None. I was pretty sure until I was 36 that I didn't want any. Then after much soul searching decided to have one. Immediately wanted another. So we had two two years apart and by then I was a week off 40. I would have loved another but decided to quit as we had two healthy children and risks increase as you get over 40.

No regrets about having two, just wish I had had the first at 34 instead of 37.

I wanted 4, and did, but in hindsight I perhaps shouldn't have. DS1 no longer lives with us and 3 is so much easier; but then that could be due to DS1 being who he is.

One thing I was adamant about though, was not having an only. I am an only. I realise it's very dependent on the child and their temperament, but I hated it. Still do. Terrified of being the only one when my Mum's generation have gone. Truly terrified. And I hated being so lonely growing up (despite plenty of friends. It's not the same).

I wanted four before I had any but I didn’t know how hard it would be. I thought two year gaps too. DH did as well but then an actual child came along. It was another eight years before we went for a second. They are both lovely but were, shall we say, hard work, with no sense of danger. My mum and others have laughed at me for wanting four knowing what actually happened and I find that very unkind. Four would have been the ideal if I had been a different better kind of mother and/or had easier to look after children. The births were no picnic either and I had severe PND which still affects me to this day. My mum knows all this and still teases me.

I wanted four before I had any but I didn’t know how hard it would be. I thought two year gaps too. DH did as well but then an actual child came along. It was another eight years before we went for a second. They are both lovely but were, shall we say, hard work, with no sense of danger. My mum and others have laughed at me for wanting four knowing what actually happened and I find that very unkind. Four would have been the ideal if I had been a different better kind of mother and/or had easier to look after children. The births were no picnic either and I had severe PND which still affects me to this day. My mum knows all this and still teases me.

I wanted four before I had any but I didn’t know how hard it would be. I thought two year gaps too. DH did as well but then an actual child came along. It was another eight years before we went for a second. They are both lovely but were, shall we say, hard work, with no sense of danger. My mum and others have laughed at me for wanting four knowing what actually happened and I find that very unkind. Four would have been the ideal if I had been a different better kind of mother and/or had easier to look after children. The births were no picnic either and I had severe PND which still affects me to this day. My mum knows all this and still teases me.

6 and had 5

That quote sums up why being an only was shit. Life revolves around the adults and you get dragged along like a lonely incovenience.

I could never have done it to my DC.