Positive emetophobia stories desperately needed please

[AbbeFausseMaigre]

DD (young teen) has severe emetophobia and I'm in a dark place right now because I just cannot see how she is going to come back from this.

I've had to become an expert in the condition and I know its a really, really difficult thing to treat and the majority of people who develop it never really recover. It would help so, so much to hear from anyone, if you're out there, who was severely impacted by emetophobia as a teen but who has managed to overcome it, or at least successfully manage it, as an adult.

I'm not really asking for general treatment advice - over the past few years she has (and is having) extensive therapy (primarily CBT/exposure plus some hypnotherapy) - she made amazing progress only to relapse again. But of course if there is anything surprising that I might not have thought about then that would be very welcome.

Please, PLEASE don't respond if you feel that emetophobia has ruined your life (I'm only too aware that it can, and I am so, so sorry, I just can't hear that right now) or if you don't have any experience of it.

Hi I don't have any experience with emetophophia but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. I have some things going on with my daughter and totally understand the anxiety and stress it causes. Just wanted to say you aren't alone. It's very, very hard.

My DD did grow out of this, for want of a better phrase, by her late teens. To the point her job sometimes now involves dealing with vomit. I never thought she’d be capable of that.

Best of luck to you and your DD, it’s very difficult and debilitating. Mine had a lot of time off school.

My dd had emetophobia between the ages of about 8 and 10. It was awful and she was so distressed she even tried jumping out of a moving car at one point when she thought someone looked like they might be sick. She is now 15 though and recently went to a party and came home to tell me some of her friends were sick ( some had snuck drink in!) and she helped clean up the vomit and looked after them! She is absolutely fine now. It is awful whilst they are going though it though.

@Sunnycats , thank you for your kind words and I am very sorry that you also are worried about your DD. It is so hard and so isolating. I hope you have better days ahead.

@FrenchandSaunders thank you, thank you, that is exactly the kind of story I needed to hear this morning. DD has also missed a LOT of school and so to hear that your DD was in a similar position but found things more manageable as she has got older is so encouraging. Well done to her (and to you, I'm sure your support must have had a big part to play).

Hmm. Not sure you want to hear from me but I feel compelled to say: I am a life long emetophobe. I feel I have it severely but perhaps not as severely as others since I manage to eat out, have children, etc. I know some emetophobes can't even face doing those things.
What I wanted to say is, although I have the phobia and I certainly wish I didn't have it, I wouldn't say it has ruined my life. Affected it, yes undoubtedly, but ruined it? No.
Sorry that's all I wanted to say. Not much help to you. I wish you and your daughter all the very best, and hope you get some encouraging replies here.
(Oh and exposure therapy sounds absolutely vile. Given the nature of the phobia, is that really helpful?)

It dominated my own adolescence- then vanished of its own accord once I got pregnant. Like my brain said- ok time to give this up now. Until that point it was hourly, crippling and unwanted. I did do CBT which helped manage some of the symptoms. But it was something about the first pregnancy that just kicked it out of my mind and I have dealt with everything that raising children brings with vomit- from my own kids, to sleepover kids getting ill, cat sickness, catching the bugs myself etc.

It is very very hard to treat but there are also success stories- stay hopeful, OP.

Car not cat sickness (though I do have one cat who has reflux 😆)

I’ve known a few teenagers to grow out of this - either they’ve gone on to work in careers where they have to deal with vomit (eg medical professions) or they’ve just discovered they quite like drinking alcohol with their friends!

I didn’t grow out of it, and still consider myself to have the phobia at 32 having developed it as a young teen. However, I wouldn’t say it’s ruined my life. I have a good job, husband, baby on the way. I am happy to leave the house! It did lead to me developing OCD, but I am high-functioning with that when it comes in flares.

It’s great you are supporting your daughter with this. My parents did not support me at all - even though they caused the phobia quite frankly! Support now will go a long way to helping your daughter manage or even overcome this phobia. Just be careful not to enable it through your support (for example, by helping her reduce her exposure to vomit in real life).

I had moderate to severe emetophobia that started during my teens. I had panic attacks almost every day and at times wasn't able to leave the house due to fear of catching norovirus. My phobia peaked during that time I was in university because I think living alone wasn't that great for phobia-related behaviour. I would spend hours checking food labels, expiry dates, throwing food out etc. However throughout all of this, I did have a very happy life. It's hard to describe but whenever phobia related triggers weren't around, I genuinely loved spending time with my friends, going out, studying etc. Even though there were rough phases, I never look back on my teens and 20s and feel those were wasted years or regret the things I did. I have loads of great memories and completed my education.

I tried CBT, EMDR and various types of therapy throughout the years. The only one that came remotely close to tackling the issue was Rob Kelly's Thrive program. Would highly recommend that if you haven't tried it already. I initially did the book by myself but then found a Thrive consultant and completed the 6 sessions. They have some very inspirational videos on their Youtube channel too. However I would definitely not say that I was "cured" from the phobia as the Thrive program claims to do. It gives you a full understanding of the reasons behind the phobia which takes away the helplessness, or hopelessness that you feel when attempting to treat it. The greatest benefit of Thrive was improving my situation to the point I could deal with getting pregnant. During the worst phases of my phobia, pregnancy and morning sickness were absolutely out of the question.

I was fairly anxious during my pregnancy and had some morning sickness (nausea) but never to the point of being sick. But I coped with everything reasonably well. I would say that the phobia improved most of all during the chaos that came after having a baby. It was like a natural desensitisation process because I wasn't triggered by milk-spit ups. Babies and toddlers get sick so often and for all kinds of reasons that I just managed to get on with it. I haven't had a panic attack related to emetophobia for over 5 years. I'm also able to look after my child (now school age) during tummy bugs without panicking. Even though I do still get anxiety and have more rigid behaviour around food, it really doesn't impact my life to the extent it used to.

If it's of any relevance, I realised fairly recently I'm neurodivergent (ADHD, possibly AuDHD). I think that definitely played a key role in fuelling the obsessive thinking patterns and rumination which led to the phobia, and sustains it. I realised a lot of panic attacks I had in my teens were due to sensory overload and the feeling of not being able to control bodily sensations in relation to possibly being sick. Social anxiety and low self esteem are also main causes of emetophobia and those are massively common issues for ND people. I have a feeling that if I took medication for ADHD, then many phobic thoughts and behaviours would also improve.

If you think ND might be an issue in your daughter then definitely look into treating that as well. I feel the phobia is often a symptom of the underlying stress of dealing with neurodivergence. I know undiagnosed ND girls who ended up with eating disorders that were resistant to treatment because most therapies are designed for neurotypical brains. Emetophobia is essentially a disorder of control. Whenever your life is settled and you feel like you have more control of things then it tends to improve.

@milkysmum , gosh your poor DD, that's awful. So glad she recovered of her own accord. Sadly I think that now DD is post puberty it's unlikely it will suddenly vanish like that.

@Nightblindness actually that is genuinely helpful and thank you for posting. I know that having to live with it long term is a likely outcome, so its reassuring to hear that you can still live a rewarding life despite it. DD is oddly fine about food and eating out and is also able to do certain things that many emetophobes struggle with (flying for example) but is absolutely crippled by it in other circumstances. Re. exposure therapy - this hasn't involved actual vomit (making yourself sick is NEVER recommended apparently) but does involve lots of YouTube videos etc of people being sick and also pretend vomiting. It helped a lot with certain things - for example, if she is watching TV and someone is sick, it doesn't bother her TOO much - but hasn't seemed to get to the deep underlying problem.

@Fuelledbylatte wow that is really interesting- the way you described it as a constant crippling presence really resonates, so the fact you have recovered is really encouraging. Interestingly DD hasn't vomited since she was around 6 years old, and I can't help but feel that if is actually just happened it might have a similar affect - her brain would just think "god, what was all the fuss about?!". But she just never gets sick.

My DD had emetophobia- she was about 16 at the time.

We tried a few different types of therapy until we hit upon one called Thrive. We found a local therapist and DD went through the programme and she found it immensely helpful and she hasn't had any issues since.

@RosiePH , thank you for your post, it's great to hear you are living a good life despite emetophobia and OCD. I'm very sorry that your parents weren't supportive. DD is certainly surrounded by support and understanding, although as you say, I do try to stay very conscious of not letting support slip over into enabling avoidance. Not always easy though!

I grew out of emetophobia!

I suffered from the ages of about 24-30. I'm not 100% sure what brought me out of it, but I think it was a bug. I basically got sick, and lived. I was that poorly, that I didn't even have the energy or will to be scared.

Once I recovered from the bug, I realized that what I'd been fearing, was t actually as bad as I'd ever imagined.

I also think my focus shifted on to a new worry, which isn't helpful, but I no longer panic if I hear of somebody near my who feels sick.

Have PMd you

@CoffeeDay , wow, thank you for such a detailed and eloquent reply. There is so much that I can relate to (or rather, that I think my DD would relate to), especially around sensory overload and those bodily sensations of anxiety. She really dislikes things like bright, loud, hot or stuffy environments, and hates the sensation of being trapped (either physically or because of social obligation). This has all been since developing emetophobia though, never before. Her emetophobia also has strong elements of social anxiety, although she has masked this very well and I had no idea this was at play until quite recently.

It's interesting what you say about being ND - of course it is something I've considered in the endless hours of worrying and trying to work out how to help her, but there were absolutely NO signs of anything unusual before the age of 10. And of course, she is still a young teenage girl, which is rarely plain sailing even at the best of times. But how would we even begin to explore this anyway? She is on the waitlist for CAHMS but only as a routine referral so realistically I don't know if she will ever been seen by them. We are fortunate to have money to throw at the problem, but where do we even throw it?

I'm really interested in what you've said about Thrive. Unsurprisingly I came across it early on when trying to help her, but I got put off by a few very negative things I read about it and that fact it seemed quite commercial and, dare I say it, a bit cult like? Did you have the same reservations at first?

No I had no concerns- it was a just a programme and therapy with exercises to do at home. As I say it worked a treat!

I had emetephobia quite severely as a teen/young adult. I wouldn't eat, it was dominating my every action, every thought. I was lying awake sat up every night incase I was sick etc. Avoiding any social events, like your DD hated being trapped anywhere.

I am honestly fine now. I still get the odd situation where I feel panicky but it doesn't influence what I do anymore and isn't something that I think about day to day.

I'm going to be honest and say no therapy particularly helped me. It was just time. I guess exposure through nights out and working in healthcare. Dealing with vomit when someone is unwell and needs your support is surprisingly good exposure therapy and is very different to talking about it or thinking about it. And I've obviously got sick and realised it wasn't as bad as I'd built it up to be

I've had emetophobia for a few years.
The Thrive programme has really really helped. I'm not 100% cured but my god I'm so much better than I used to be. It's not affecting my life anywhere near as much.

I had a coach called Michelle. She runs the cure emetophobia and thrive Instagram page. There's also loads of thrive coaches on Instagram who are happy for you to message them if you can't afford a coach.
To be honest I've been mostly working through the programme on my own and it's really working.

If you want to PM me I can happily talk about it more with you.

To add, a guy called Joe has really helped me out as well. He did alot of YouTube podcasts with Rob Kelly himself.
He's fantastic and happy for you to message him.

I have had it for a long time . It hasn’t ruined my life though although I would say my social phobia has .
i ended up working with children and would get panicky if they went white but there were only a few incidents in the ten years I worked with children . When I had my own son as much as I absolutely hated it I just had to get on with it and clear it up.
i think medication might help your daughter or CBT. The trouble is like any mental illness the more you focus on it the worse it gets. So anything to take her mind of it. Perhaps meditation could help.
is it being sick herself she doesn’t like or seeing others? Did anything set it off.

I've had this since I was sick at 8 yrs old.
I'm almost 58 so 50 years since I vomited.
I think it's linked to depression and anxiety.
I never thought I would get pregnant for the fear and I did struggle with dcs being sick.
I had therapy but honestly think keeping busy stopped the intrusive thoughts and realising other people get ill and cope too.
I'm awaiting and ADHD assessment and have had an eating disorder.

Interestingly DD hasn't vomited since she was around 6 years old, and I can't help but feel that if is actually just happened it might have a similar affect - her brain would just think "god, what was all the fuss about?!". But she just never gets sick.

Yes, I have emetophobia but have no memory of ever actually vomiting, for any reason. Obviously I did as a very young child, but never within memory.
I sometimes think, well maybe if I just vomited, I'd realise it wasn't so bad!

My daughter had this from age 9 until early 20's .
She got an awful sickness bug age nine .
Age 21 she got hyperemesis gravidarum.. and was admitted to hospital.
Because she knew it was down to be pregnant and haply to be so.. she realised it was part and parcel.
She is the most noisiest person I've ever know when throwing up.
She's now 40.. with three teenage boys.. had HG with them all. Cleaned up their sick.
I think it can be overcome.
The Speakmans have helped loads.. they have podcasts/ books etc

I am 40 and have emetophobia - have had it since I was approximately 8. I was worst during adolescence and young adulthood.

Whilst at school, I wanted to be a teacher but was worried I wouldn’t make it due to my phobia. I was so nervous of a child being sick, or catching a bug from them. I’ve now been teaching 18 years and am a deputy head so it’s definitely not affected my career even though my anxiety has been pretty bad at times.

I was also worried about having children due to them being sick but I have one child now. I do worry a lot about her getting sick but the good times outweigh the worry.

Emetophohia has touched every aspect of my life but it hasn’t ruined it. I’m choosy over where I’ll eat out - I prefer chain restaurants (even McDonald’s) as you know there’s a standard.

I wish I could live a life without it as it’s not made it easy but I don’t think it has caused me to miss out on anything.

Hello!

Firstly, I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this. It’s such an awful phobia and difficult for the parents to get right in how to deal with it.
I had emetephobia from early teens and it was extreeeemely debilitating. I had a lot of time off school and stopped seeing friends etc, wouldn’t get public transport or eat ‘high risk’ foods. I saw various psychologists who were useless but did have cbt through the nhs that was fantastic for challenging of my behaviour. She gave me relaxation techniques and gave me exercises to do like getting a short bus journey to help me realise I could manage these things ok, and it all gradually gave me more confidence. I then met someone who lived in another city and gradually moved away from home (which was a huuuge anxiety for me) as I genuinely thought if I ever married my husband would have to accept living with my parents!!
Skip forward to 38 - I’m married with 2 children. Now I’m not emetephobia free unfortunately but I am miiiles better and live a very normal life most days. I too used the Thrive programme which really did help. I didn’t use a consultant due to cost but worked on the workbook myself. I’m pretty sure they have ones designed for children and younger adults too. It was brilliant at helping me realise that I could actually cope with it, albeit unpleasant. I remind myself of this any time the boys say they have a sore tummy etc. Now I’m not necessarily where I’d like to be, as in I still do have anxiety surrounding vomiting especially with having 2 young children, but I never thought as a teen that I could live this type of life. I am not joking when I thought I’d never leave home.
I understand your reservations about Thrive but it’s interesting that a few have mentioned it and honestly, I think it’s worth trying anything possible to help your daughter. It’s certainly the thing that’s made the biggest difference but also is to help you know how best to deal with it without dismissing her feelings but also not encourage it.
please feel to message me privately if there’s anything you would like to know. I really hope she finds something that helps her at this stage in her life so she doesn’t need to carry it into adulthood x