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Original poster

I can't cope with this situation anymore

52 replies

FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 19:17

Mum died last summer. Me and my sister are executors. We have to pay 100k inheritance tax. Therefore mum's house has to be sold. Sister is very attached to the house and unfortunately cannot afford to buy out the other 2 beneficiaries. House just went on the market but sister is making it so so difficult. She's trying to delay every step. Not signing when she needs to. Rubbishing the estate agent even though he's done nothing wrong. She's currently living there even though she has her own house. She's constantly having a go at me for just doing what I'm supposed to as an executor. I'm not eating or sleeping because of the stress. Even if we get an offer I can't see her being able to accept it because of her attachment to the house.

I'm at my wits end.

OP posts:
SanskritPixie · 07/04/2024 19:20

Hand it over to a solicitor to execute. Step away.

It will cost you financially, but is great for your mental health.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/04/2024 19:21

Tell her the interest on the IHT will be coming out of her share of the estate.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 19:24

She has a go at me when I try to sort through mum's possessions. I just can't do anything right in her eyes. It's so upsetting. I'm really struggling to cope. And I miss my mum terribly. She'd be horrified at my sister's behaviour.

OP posts:
Anuggetofpurestgreen · 07/04/2024 19:42

Are you sure you need to pay IHT to start off with? Very few estates do once you apply nil rate bands, residential nil rate bands, take of debts eg funeral costs etc.
It sounds like you should kick this over to a solicitor anyway. Tell her that the more she delays (pointlessly) the more it costs and the estate will be administered eventually anyway.

loropianalover · 07/04/2024 19:43

Hand it over to solicitor and tell your sister it’s come to this due to her cruelty.

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 19:49

Anuggetofpurestgreen · 07/04/2024 19:42

Are you sure you need to pay IHT to start off with? Very few estates do once you apply nil rate bands, residential nil rate bands, take of debts eg funeral costs etc.
It sounds like you should kick this over to a solicitor anyway. Tell her that the more she delays (pointlessly) the more it costs and the estate will be administered eventually anyway.

Yes. It's all gone through HMRC. 100k to pay. I've paid 10k already but now we are being charged interest

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 07/04/2024 19:57

Tell your sister that interest on overdue IHT is paid at 7.5%, it kicks in after 6 months and legal fees will also deplete any inheritance

Should she force this situation any further, hire a solicitor and tell her that any fees and interest are coming out of her inheritance

That's thousands of pounds

ElleLeopine · 07/04/2024 20:11

Your sister is not behaving rationally because she is grieving. She is seeing delaying the sale of the house as a way of hanging on to her Mum.

Talk to her. Ask her how she is feeling, and really listen. Explain that you are missing your Mum too.

Have you had the funeral? Are there any associated tasks that you can do together? Such as choosing a memorial stone or scattering the ashes? This will help you both find some closure.

Also, can you both keep a memento from the house, a painting or piece of furniture?

Then explain that the interest on the Inheritance tax is due, and if she is happy to pay it?

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 20:18

She knows about the interest. She doesn't care. I've tried to be sympathetic but I just get it thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
eacapade1982 · 07/04/2024 20:20

could she sell her house and buy you out and live at your mums house instead?

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 20:25

She said she can't afford it. She has debt etc

OP posts:
Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/04/2024 20:32

ElleLeopine · 07/04/2024 20:11

Your sister is not behaving rationally because she is grieving. She is seeing delaying the sale of the house as a way of hanging on to her Mum.

Talk to her. Ask her how she is feeling, and really listen. Explain that you are missing your Mum too.

Have you had the funeral? Are there any associated tasks that you can do together? Such as choosing a memorial stone or scattering the ashes? This will help you both find some closure.

Also, can you both keep a memento from the house, a painting or piece of furniture?

Then explain that the interest on the Inheritance tax is due, and if she is happy to pay it?

@FrostMoon I'm so sorry to hear about your mum & now all of this with your sister. @ElleLeopine is right though, she's grieving too and needs help not cruelty as per some of the other posts.

Have you consulted a solicitor, it sounds like a LOT of IHT. HMRC are sometimes utterly crap.

Im guessing you've considered her selling her house & options around the other beneficiaries waiting for their share or whatever.

not being able to keep your family home can be utterly devastating.

i totally understand your. Frustration, but I understand her too.

best wishes x

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 20:51

The IHT is correct. House worth 750k. Mum was divorced

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 21:10

I'm so sad. I just can't take the stress anymore. If is wasn't for my son, I'd probably end it

OP posts:
socksandshoos · 07/04/2024 21:37

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I could have written it. I ended up applying for an Order of Sale - it cost me a few grand but meant I could sell the house without my siblings consent. He agreed to sell half way through the process because he couldn’t afford to buy me out and like you we had a massive IHT bill racking up interest so the court would have granted it no question and he would have been liable for the court costs. It was incredibly sad and stressful having to do that on top of dealing with the grief.

I hope your situation resolves itself better than mine but I don’t regret doing what I did, even though it killed our previously good relationship.

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 21:55

socksandshoos · 07/04/2024 21:37

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I could have written it. I ended up applying for an Order of Sale - it cost me a few grand but meant I could sell the house without my siblings consent. He agreed to sell half way through the process because he couldn’t afford to buy me out and like you we had a massive IHT bill racking up interest so the court would have granted it no question and he would have been liable for the court costs. It was incredibly sad and stressful having to do that on top of dealing with the grief.

I hope your situation resolves itself better than mine but I don’t regret doing what I did, even though it killed our previously good relationship.

I'm sorry you experienced that. I think I'll have to do the same. After the things she's said I'll never be close to her again.

OP posts:
Lyracappul · 07/04/2024 22:02

Focus on your son, and have a bit of space from it all now.. and find a hobby or interest that you enjoy. You deserve peace now and let go of the anger with your sister as it will only eat you up, not her.. life is short, do your best to find the sunshine..

TheaBrandt · 07/04/2024 22:05

This was the scenario when we bought our house. Ended up with the barmy sister screaming at us in tears because we had appointed a surveyor to “poke around” her house. Made a difficult process really unpleasant. Absolute loon she was. Estate agent earned his commission!

SquishyGloopyBum · 07/04/2024 22:05

I remember your posts before op.

It's great you have got the house on the market - that is progress.

Please try and step back from this. Could you chat with the solicitor to pass on any financial penalties to your sisters share of the will, given that she's the one delaying things?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Your sister is being very selfish.

Original poster
FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 22:11

SquishyGloopyBum · 07/04/2024 22:05

I remember your posts before op.

It's great you have got the house on the market - that is progress.

Please try and step back from this. Could you chat with the solicitor to pass on any financial penalties to your sisters share of the will, given that she's the one delaying things?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Your sister is being very selfish.

Thank you. I just keep thinking that my mum would be horrified at my sister's behaviour. I suffer from anxiety and this type of situation is making me unwell.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrostMoon · 08/04/2024 06:18

I've not slept. I don't know what to do. I feel sick with dread everyday.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 08/04/2024 07:10

Op, I think you need to see a dr and see if you can get help for stress. Do you work?

Talk to your solicitor and see what they say.

Try and rest today. Get some fresh air.

ilovebagpuss · 08/04/2024 07:13

I would pay to hand it all over to the solicitors. When there is a dispute like this/or just feelings of dispute from one side and family are executors it doesn't work.
It's not fair for you to been seen as the heartless baddie selling mums home.
Tell them it's making you ill and you are only trying to do the right thing so it needs to be handed over now.
Then switch off from it and do something nice with your chunk when it comes, something you know your mum would have loved you doing.

ohcalamityuponcalamity · 08/04/2024 08:27

Letting go of the family home is just do, so awful. I get that but as a grown up you also have to realise it has to be done and you just have to get on with it. I'm sorry you're so stressed OP and I wonder if you've ever be able to have a proper heart to heart with your sister about it? Explain you're grieving and struggling too but there are ways to help your mum's memory live on, without the house.

After my mum died, I slowly worked on transferring some of her nice things to my house. I now have some of her rose bushes in my garden, plus in the house a dresser, her favourite cook books etc. I've got bits that remind me of mum in different areas of the house and it's like I brought her with me slowly, as I started to adjust to the idea she wasn't here any more.

If that really doesn't work then I guess you'll have to go the legal route. It's all so very painful either way. Flowers

PropertyManager · 08/04/2024 08:43

FrostMoon · 07/04/2024 20:51

The IHT is correct. House worth 750k. Mum was divorced

Sounds about right, Nil Rate band + property allowance for one parent gives roughly £500K tax free, then its 40% of the remainder...