I can't cope with this situation anymore

[FrostMoon]

Mum died last summer. Me and my sister are executors. We have to pay 100k inheritance tax. Therefore mum's house has to be sold. Sister is very attached to the house and unfortunately cannot afford to buy out the other 2 beneficiaries. House just went on the market but sister is making it so so difficult. She's trying to delay every step. Not signing when she needs to. Rubbishing the estate agent even though he's done nothing wrong. She's currently living there even though she has her own house. She's constantly having a go at me for just doing what I'm supposed to as an executor. I'm not eating or sleeping because of the stress. Even if we get an offer I can't see her being able to accept it because of her attachment to the house.

I'm at my wits end.

I would resign "renounce" in legal jargon your position as executor, let your sister handle it, and get herself in a mess with the HMRC.

You can then get a solicitor to chase up your share of the inheritance.

What is her sudden attachment to the house all about? She didn't live there did she - you said she had her own place.

What would she say if you said your mother would be horrified at the way she's behaving?

Grief makes people irrational, angry, difficult.

She's behaving badly but presumably it's the grief.

I agree with others, you need to take a step back somehow.

Have you been firm with her? Isn't the other sibling helping? Poor you!

People grieve in different ways, and I have noticed - at very different paces. Maybe your sister is someone who needs more time than usual to process change. I have seen this before between family members following a bereavement. A man I knew had exactly the same situation with his brother when their parent died - he was anxious to sell the house, the other who lived in it unable to move on so fast. Sorry no actual advice OP. Hope it works out OK.

I read your old thread too OP. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Are there any other family members who can help?
You will get through this. It's not easy but it will end at some point.
I agree that if you haven't already it might be worth speaking to your GP, I don't know how old you are but it could be your anxiety is made worse through menopause. I was never an anxious or stressed person but menopause had a bad effect on me. Luckily the HRT worked like a dream.
You sister sounds extremely difficult but even if she makes the sale difficult the house will sell at the right price. At some point I'd consider dropping the price so it goes quickly. How is the estate agent. Most will have seen this type of situation time and time again.
Does your sister fully understand everything. Is she just being difficult or does she genuinely think she should be able to keep the house.
I'm so so sorry for the loss of your Mum.

Does your sister think she has a claim on the house?, ie did she move in to look after your mum? if so she may think she has a legal claim to it.

Such claims rarely succeed, even rarer if the tax man wants his daily bread.

She moved in the day mum died. She knows all about the tax due and the will but just won't release her grip on the house. Apparently I'm not letting her grieve in the way she wants to. Living for nothing in mum's house with her head in the sand is what she wants. The house went on sale over the weekend. I presume viewings could start soon. She's going to make that as difficult as possible.

Yes. The other beneficiary is my child (he's 18)

You can’t possibly know that it’s because she’s grieving, not that she’s also being deliberately obstructive.
The OP has said she’s really grieving, too. It’s horrible having to clear a house for sale after someone’s died (I’ve done it) but it just has to be done.

Her sister has been an absolute prick throughout this and it's making the OP ill.

She doesn't deserve being "really listened too" she needs to fuck off home to her own house and let the house be sold, as per the will.

OP, have you spoken to your GP? Please don't do anything rash, you'll be okay and you'll get through this

I won't go into details but it's not all about her grieving. Even after she left home she expected to treat mums house as if it was still hers. Mum was upset about this on many occasions.

Thank you. I'm waiting for Dr to call.

I agree with handing it over to the solicitor. But it will probably cost a lot. But wouldn't their fee be deductible and thus reduce the amount of inheritance tax due.

Op, has your sister always had her eye on the house and envisaged she would live there one day? Is her being obstructive a tactic in the hope that you will back down and give her the house? If you possibly can, pay whoever you can to deal with it. The money is worth it to save you the stress.

So sorry for the loss of your mum. Go and see your GP and speak to your solicitor. Working with a difficult and contentious coexecutor is shit and so unhelpful at a time when you need support to help you process your grief, get some closure on your loss and start to move forward. She's not thinking straight but that could be down to grief, or maybe she thinks if she sits tight the hpuse sale/HMRC will go away. They won't. The estate agent and solicitors will have come across similar situation before so speak to them.

If I was you I’d hand it all over to a solicitor to deal with. It’s not worth the burden it’s having on your mental health. I hope things get better soon.

I don’t think this is anything to do with grief and everything to do with your sister being a selfish arse.

Grief does not turn decent people into nasty, grabby pillocks - they were like that to begin with and excuses like grief bring out the absolute worst in them.

You need to step away if possible op and get the solicitors to deal with it - she sounds like a loon.

You could be right.

The estate agent phoned me with the first viewing. I could have discussed it first with my sister but what's the point. The house has to be sold. We can't turn down viewings, so I just agreed. I'm now sick with worry of what she'll do. I messaged her and now I'm too scared to open WhatsApp (I've had to mute her).

She's being so irrational. I can't seem to get through to her that mum left a will and our duty as executor is to carry it out.

I'm shaking. I feel sick. The Dr prescribed sleeping tablets and I've already started on ADs after I ended up in A&E after she threatened to contest the will.

If the house is listed at a good price then someone will be prepared to chance buying it even if they realise your sister is difficult. Think of all the houses that get sold when a couple get a divorce and one of the parties is being awkward.
I know your son is 18 but can he help you a bit more. This is his money too and is going to make a massive difference to his life. He might want to help you. Does he know everything that's going on?

Is the estate split equally between you, your son and your sister? If so, is she angry that she isn't getting half the estate? I'm not saying that makes her behaviour ok but it might explain it a little.

He knows how difficult she's being. It makes me sad cos he loved his aunty. They got on really well. And you are correct that she's pissed off about not getting half. But my mum doted on my son and wanted him to have good start in life.

As suggested by PPs, appoint a solicitor to act as executioner of the will.

And get counseling for yourself as a matter of urgency. Just talking to a qualified therapist is likely to ease the mental and emotional burden and stress.

I know it’s hard but she hasn’t got a leg to stand on. Go ahead with the sale as planned, let her know viewing times, the estate agent can let themselves in if you don’t want to face her. If a sale falls through it’s ok, happens all the time. At that point start the Order of Sale process.

The house will be sold with or without her consent. It’s is a process so nothing will happen overnight. Just do your best to ignore her comments and keep contact to a minimum. In terms of your mums stuff, don’t feel overwhelmed by it. It can wait til you’ve exchanged contracts then you can tackle it. If you can’t face going through everything, send it all to storage for 6 months and do it in your own time.

She’ll be angry and you’ll get the brunt of it. Not your fault. This will get sorted and you will get through this. You are going to be ok x