How much contribution for staying at relatives in holiday destination?

[Georgesbar24]

We (me, DP, DSs aged 1 and 5) are staying with my DB and SIL in Portugal for a week, I’m wondering how much money to give them when we leave.

They have stayed with us for a week twice a year for the past six years and have been looking forward to hosting us for the first time in return.

But I think it’s not a straightforward comparison because

• There’s four of us and two of them
• they are in a holiday destination so for us it’s a holiday as well as a family visit
• they are on an extremely tight budget. I definitely wouldn’t want them to be out of pocket from hosting us.

So far we’ve paid for all meals out (not that many though) and bought most of the food and wine from the shops.

What amount would you give to them?

I think if this is the first time you've been out there they will just be pleased to have you and to show you their home and life. You've already contributed by buying food supplies and meals. Any more and it could become a bit rude and transactional. They might think they've slipped up by not contributing more at yours, they might think they should next time at yours, they might think you just used them for a cheap holiday and not to see them. I would leave it as it is. Just be courteous in their home and let them know you've loved seeing them as you have been doing.

Hamper? Have they got any projects (e.g. garden) where a voucher would be useful?

Cash gifts can be awkward for all.

What you are doing- paying for groceries and meals out - sounds about right.

Ultimately they do have a bit of a choice over their income, presumably if they absolutely had to one of them could get some sort of a job, so if not they must be happy enough to scrape buy for a short time.

Something we did after staying with relatives abroad on a limited income was give them a gift voucher when we were leaving for their favourite supermarket to cover the cost of our groceries.It felt less condescending than giving cash, but then we hadn't been able to contribute to purchasing when there.

In their position i would die of embarrassment if I was offered money by you. Especially having stayed with you a dozen times and not offered it. I'm physically cringing at the thought. Somehow you being younger than them makes it worse.

You might just about get away with giving them a thank you card with a gift voucher in it (maybe there's a fancy food shop they'd like?). But if you want them to feel comfortable staying with you again without paying anything, you're taking a risk doing anything more than paying for meals and sharing grocery costs.