Wedding planning made me realise how lonely I am

[Lonelymama88]

Not really a point to this post, just wanted to get my feelings out.
My partner and I are getting married in September, our original plan was to go to a registry office and be done with it. However I think I would have regretted it so we decided to have ceremony and meal with just family then a party in the evening.
For the day time part I have a grand total of 8 guests where as my partner has 22! I know it’s not his fault he has a bigger family (and most of his grandparents).
Trying to please everyone is proving to be really difficult and everyone seems to have an opinion on any decision we make. I know I shouldn’t be trying to please anyone else but when everyone is putting their 2 pence in it makes it really difficult.
I have no friends so don’t have anyone to talk to about anything… I decided to mention to my mum and sisters what my idea was for a ‘hen do’ which was met with resounding ‘no’ so I won’t be having one.
I keep seeing all these posts about having your bestie stand next to you on your wedding day is the best feeling blah blah blah.. I feel like I have completely failed and feeling so lonely.

As I said no point to the post just wanted to get my feelings out

I’m in a very similar situation to you! I feel very similar to you about it.

I really don’t think it’s actually that uncommon. You naturally only hear about the big weddings!

Firstly, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

You and your fiance decide what you want to do for your wedding day and don't let anyone talk you out of it. They had their chance to arrange their own weddings or will do in future and now it is your turn. Don't worry about uneven guests because you can have immediate family sit on the left and right and then everyone else can just pile in and even up the aisles. You don't have to do things a certain way because others have done it that way. That includes a hen do. I had mine forced on me but it was actually just a lovely meal with friends no weekend away, no games, just being with people I liked. One meal. We also didn't have a traditional top table, we have been to weddings where everyone was seated along one long table with the bride and groom sat together at the top.

Your bestie is standing next to on your wedding day and that is your fiance. I haven't seen my chief bridesmaid in over 25 years but Dh is still beside me and is my favourite person. We had a teeny wedding literally parents, siblings and some of our close mates. 32 people in total and we had a brilliant time. It is hard when you don't have someone to run ideas against who is totally with you, no matter what you do someone is miffed so do it your way. I hope you have a lovely wedding.

I was the same. No friends to invite and my hen do was a walk to the local Indian with my mum, sister and the lady from next door! We had a great day though and my DH is my very best friend 16 years on. I'll never forget seeing him as I went through the church door, I couldn't get to the altar fast enough 😂.

I have picked up some friends over the years so you may well have a bestie waiting for you just around the corner!

You have a partner that loves you so much that he wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you! Think about that instead.
That must be such a wonderful feeling, to have met the love of your life, and he loves you back!

It’s horrible isn’t it? I thought wedding planning would be fun 🥴

Thank you… I am very excited, things just aren’t exactly how I imagined they would be.
Thank you for sharing your wedding story ☺️

I think, try not to compare it to others.

Remember the wedding us about celebrating the love between 2 people with other loved ones. Hen do's, bridesmaids dresses, guests list etc... forget about it.

I had a small Covid wedding, 30 guests. it was great... you can spend time with all your loved ones and make lovely memories

Thank you… my partner really is my best friend. Unfortunately my track record of picking ‘besties’ hasn’t been great so I won’t hold out much hope of finding anyone 🥴

Sorry you’re feeling like this OP. What was your idea for a hen do? Don’t give up on it because your Mum & sisters have said no!

It’s taken us 18 years, 2 children, 2 dogs, 3 hours moves and a near death heart attack to get us to where we are. I am incredibly grateful to have what we have and we love each other endlessly, he is my best friend. I don’t take any of it for granted that’s for sure

The wedding you really want involves excited close friends and relatives fussing over you which you sadly don't have. Let go of this (expensive) fantasy and elope with a simple registry wedding. you can have a meal out or little buffet party after somewhere sometime later. Because all this money on your current plan is only stressing you and you're not getting what you actually want anyway. Save all that money for a nice holiday or your home.

Op don't stress, I had 15 people at our wedding. We are still in touch with 4 of those, not including each other!

Just delight that the person you truly want next to you is there.

18 years?! No wonder everyone is so laid back about it. With the heart attack i would just get married asap at a registry. The whole white big wedding moment is well gone and it's fine.

The cost isn’t the issue here… everything is booked and paid for.
Its more that people want to put their opinion into every decision we make.. for example the colour scheme, ‘why do you want such a dark colour’ or where have chose to have a meal afterwards, ‘why have you chosen to have that instead of traditional tables’
Planning everything has made me realise I have no friends.

Thank you… I think this tends to be the case, that you lose friends over time etc. perhaps I am better off without friends 😆

I'm another one, people like me but I don't make friends. It's taken a lot of coming to terms with.

I think it's linked to my terrible self-esteem, I genuinely don't get why people would want to do things like swap phone numbers or meet for coffee with me.

This is why we eloped, far too many bossy relatives etc. Told everyone afterwards and had photos to show them. We had such a lovely, stressfree wedding day 21 years ago, still happily married. A little while afterwards we took family out for a lovely meal to celebrate. Hope you have a lovely day and do what you both want. They will forget it and move on to something else but it is a day that you both will never forget so make it special and yours.

I had a small wedding. It was mostly family plus about 5 friends. I didn't have a hen do because it never occurred to me to have one. I don't think they were much of a thing when I got married and, as I was the first of my peers to get married, I had never been invited to one.

I never believe people when they say they have invited 100 of their closest friends to a wedding. No-one is that close to that many people. They are more likely to be friendly acquaintances.

I think in your position I would get married abroad just immediate family.

I think I'd feel the same OP. Congrats on your wedding though! What has led to you losing touch with friends?

Our wedding party comprised six people: the groom, his children, the children’s godparents and me. I never wanted an all singing and dancing wedding, and since I never expected to marry at all, I wanted it low key. No one from my side of the family attended as my mum died two years before and my elderly, abroad residing dad didn’t fly any more. I told no one the actual date apart from my florist friend who made my bouquet. Sadly it was the last time I saw her as she died unexpectedly 11 months later

We had a terrific day, with zero input from anyone. My husband’s wedding to his late wife had 50 people travelling several thousand miles to the large house of her relatives, plus tens of invited local guests. Not for me <shudder >

You can build a friendship network if that's what you think you want. Obviously not in time for your wedding but it can be done.
I moved back to the UK with no friends. I put everything into it and now I have loads of lovely friends. It does take a lot of effort though.

Are your sisters not like friends to you? My cousins are to me.

Various reasons… life gets in the way with work etc… I moved to a small village (7miles up the road) which ended a couple of friendships, apparently 7 miles was too far for them 🤔

Hi @Lonelymama88 your post resonated with me as in a similar situation. We are getting married in June. We also originally were just going to do the registry ceremony and be done with it but thought we’d regret it. We have 22 guests total for the day which is just family. No friends, no bridesmaids or maids of honour or best man. We decided to have everyone to the ceremony, then onto the smallest hire room at a very local local Michelin recommended venue.

We decided against an evening party altogether. The ceremony at 11, meal at 1 and have to be out of the room by 5. We just don’t know enough people for an evening party and that’s the long and short of it. I have 3 close friends, he has none and a very small family.

Instead of an evening party, when everybody has left at 5, myself and DP are staying the night in the venue. We are getting changed out of our wedding clothes and going out into the local town for a few drinks by ourselves and do you know what? That is much more us and I am looking forward to it. There is no pressure at all.

I know what you mean about seeing the posts about your bridesmaids helping you get ready in the morning etc etc but don’t be sucked in. You and your partner will be married and the day itself has no bearing. The way I am viewing my wedding is that we are getting married, then going for a lovely meal with our close family. I don’t refer to it as a wedding at all 😂

I had a teeny wedding. Close family and friends only. It was lovely and we're still married 19 years later. The wedding itself is largely irrelevant.