how many missing people do you know of in real life?

[notnowmarmaduke]

Just wondered - we are always saying how common it is, but how many of us know many missing people? Of course you might be closely associated with a missing person and not know it, as people don't necessarily talk about it, or might just not know themselves.

I have only known two people reported as missing, long term. one friends father, who was the classic went out for a pint of milk and was never seen again. ( 30+ years now). One runaway teen never found (15+ years)

Apart from that I have known a few runaway teens who were found, and two people reported as missing who I know went into witness protection

Also, have you ever been reported missing?

An Irish friend told me of some friends’ 20 ish son who apparently disappeared while on holiday in Europe. For a year they were frantic - no phone call, no text or email - nothing.

Then he turned up again, out of the blue, wondering what all the fuss was about and why they were equally overjoyed to see him, while simultaneously wanting to kill him for putting them through so much worry!

None.

Although a case that has always stuck with me was that young teenage lad who got on a train to London (bunked off school) and has never been seen again. Got off the train and was swallowed up by the city.

There was a young woman in the neighbouring town to mine who disappeared walking to work one morning. Her belongings were found in the attic of a house quite close by about 9 months later. I can't remember if they found a body or not... There may have been some bones. To make the story even sadder, her brother took his own life in the months they didn't know what had happened.

Partner’s step family went missing a few years ago. There was quite a big search - think national tv. He was found in a canal.

My uncle went missing in the 70’s. Had drug and alcohol issues and my grandmother kept being called by the police station to come and bail him out. One day she refused to go. No-one in the family ever heard from him again. It haunted her for years but she did eventually get a call confirming that he was dead.

No, I've never had anyone I know well enough to be told go missing.

In our last house we lived next to a very old lady. She had never married and lived with her sister all her life- who had died years previously. She told me about her father who disappeared from his ship in China. He had been at sea when she was born.

He was a ship's captain in the merchant navy during and after the first world war. Her mum had a telegram to say he had gone missing from the ship. She was left with 4 small children and no news for several years, then remains were recovered that, somehow, were identified as him and had been buried somewhere in China by the time her mother was informed (this is late 1920s). Her mother had never been able to afford to visit his grave.

They never knew what had happened, just that in the middle of the night he had disappeared from his ship somewhere in the South China sea off Macau. No one had seen anything, seas were calm, he had shown no signs of upset, did not drink, no signs of accident/attack. Just disappeared.

It changed their whole lives. They had been reasonably comfortably off but that changed. Her 2 brothers were sent to a merchant navy school in the south of England (her mother was struggling to feed 4 children) and never really returned to live here, both going on to have careers in the MN as engineers and then as businessmen in London and the US. Her sister (about 12 years her senior) was sent off to Yorkshire to do teacher training. She then returned home, got a job and helped support her mother and young sister. Her mother rented out the spare bedrooms to respectable lodgers- a teacher, a trainee accountant and a young doctor- and took in washing and ironing to keep the family going.

Two.
One went missing years ago, last seen at the coast, never seen/heard of again.
The other was a very close friend who went missing abroad. She was found months later, she had fallen and died in an accident.
The intervening months were horrendous, though. Ambiguous loss is dreadful.

About 30 years ago a friend's 20-something BIL went missing - one lunchtime he walked out of his office to get a sandwich and hasn't been heard of since. No clues at all and no activity on his bank account.

His parents died not knowing what happened to him. His brother died recently and at his funeral one of the speeches mentioned the missing brother "..whose whereabouts are known only to the Almighty". I found that unbearably sad - various family members living for decades with the torment of never knowing what happened.

You’ve just reminded me that there’s a v good set of Radio 4 dramas called ‘Ambiguous Loss’ that tell the story of a man going missing then reappearing. As I say, a drama but made in conjunction with a missing persons charity so made to be realistic wrt the difficulties on both sides

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/series/b03qswck?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

My mother had a tenant about 4 years ago who simply disappeared. All her rent and bills were up to date and continued to be paid for the next 10 months, all her possessions were left behind, the place was left absolutely immaculate. She didn't let work know but just stopped going

Everyone initially assumed she'd gone on holiday but after about a month neighbours asked mum what had happened to her tenant and eventually she had to get police to go in to do a check as no response at door or to notes or phone calls. At that point she was recorded as missing. Nobody could trace any relatives, friends and colleagues never heard from her again. It was as if she'd never existed

After 10 months rent simply stopped, all requisite legal steps were followed for eviction as solicitor advised even though she wasn't there it had to be done and mum still has her personal possessions (minus toiletries) stored in boxes in case she should ever return or a relative gets in touch. Nobody ever has but mum reluctant to get rid as some items are probably of sentimental value. At some point I suppose she'll be declared dead but I've no idea how that works??

She was a lovely woman - often wonder what became of her.

None. Thank God.

My dad was missing for 22 years, His body was found in a very secluded area four years ago, He had been murdered and we just didn't know it, I had been looking for him all that time not knowing he had already been murdered, For me its like he just disappeared into thin air one day because he was there and then just wasn't.

I worked with a lovely man whose daughter went missing 20 years ago. It was in the news at the time.

Because of evidence found in a friend's car, a man went to trial and was given a life sentence for her murder. He denied her murder.

The daughter's body has never been found.

A few friends missing as teenagers, were runaways dealing with a lot of stuff at home. Eventually found after several weeks/months in each case.

And a friend’s son (late teens/early 20s) went missing for several months. He was living a quite transient life and would regularly be off grid for months at a time sleeping rough or hitch hiking or sofa surfing. But he didn’t make a call home on a promised date and no friends could trace him. He did eventually re-surface and get in touch.

Friend’s husband (actually one of the above who went missing as a teenager) disappeared across country on a drug binge for several months. When she was finally able to find him and convince him to come home and get help, he got on a long distance bus (like one end of country to the other, a whole day’s journey) and she was meant to meet him. He never made it and they found him overdosed in the loo on a search of the bus after. Really sad. They had 3 children at home.

I do often think that many people who are missing are missing by choice though and probably for good reason. I often wonder if my family tells people I’m missing. I’m NC with them, they don’t know where I live, and while they know multiple ways to contact me (social media, phone, etc), I only get a few harassing emails to an old email address a year. I think they must send them there so they can tell people they ‘did everything they could’ and to still get the pleasure of telling me what a terrible person I am, but without having to actually confront me in anyway. Obviously not missing as Dh, dc and everyone in my life knows exactly where I am.

My stepsisters are also NC for the same reasons (sexual abuse) and my mum/stepdad tell everyone that they ran off with family money and cut them off when they couldn’t steal more. I’ve heard through the grapevine they say the same about me. They must have to tell some sort of fantastical story to explain why all their children and grandchildren are NC with them, and I imagine that a missing person story is an easy one to garner lots of sympathy but also not too many probing questions. I suspect that’s true in lots of families of missing people, not all of course, but in more than we’d expect.

I think it's only high profile if it's likely to be a crime, especially if that person isn't considered likely to be a victim. Someone involved in criminality, someone who goes missing often, someone in an abusive relationship, or someone with mental health issues who is considered a suicide risk isn't going to be widely publicised because what would be the benefit of the public knowing? The police will be working quietly behind the scenes to work out what happened. If it's likely a serial killer then the public need to know, I suppose.

1
Husband got up to find his wife gone, assumed she had gone to the shops, but had left purse, handbag, passport, everything.

Never seen again, her grown up children got it into the national news, suppose it was more unusual for a middle aged women to go missing.

Been 10 years, no trace.

Interestingly I don't think I've ever known any, despite having known a tremendously large amount of people in many contexts. My only recollection of anyone missing was attending a summer camp as a child, and one of the kitchen workers freaking out when her son wasn't found with the other children on a hike. He'd stayed in his bedroom thankfully.

1 guy I went to high school with has been missing for 4 years. He was well known to have mental health issues so it's very concerning, but he hasn't been found - which in some ways is good, as there's been no body either.

I was typing 'none'

But actually...I do remember a lady I met only once from mum's group and through social media I know her brother has been missing for 20+yrs, disappeared at 17 and no one knows his fate.

None.

No missing people, but very sadly I vaguely/tangentially knew both Millie Dowler and Sarah Everard.

One. A girl I was very close to from my university job disappeared from her uni course, job and all social media. She was such a sweet girl, I occasionally would go on social media to see if she’d popped up again, will look again today now that you have reminded me.

None I’ve known personal, no.

My DP knows a guy who vanished off the face of the earth one day and has never reappeared, despite the guy’s best friend going searching for him.

A friend's son is currently missing.

Years ago, my uncle went 'missing'. Classic 'going to the corner shop' for a few items, and kept going, leaving behind his wife and two small children. He didn't surface again for years ... and went on to have another family. Arsehole.

My older neighbour been missing for around 8 years now. After about 4 years they finally cleared out his house. He went missing while prospecting, they found his vehicle but no sign of him. He was a creepy man but i still feel sad.

Also worked with someone who has an ex that has been missing for around 10 years, a situation where everyone in our town knows who probably did it but they just dont have the evidence (or body) yet.