being a woman = being invisible or unappreciated

[Meganmeccano]

Who else has organised a lot this weekend and received nothing?
Feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, I know I could have bought my own or asked outright for something, (but no one else in the family did this, and yet they received...)

Not sure if you are talking about not receiving easter eggs which is really just a kids thing in my family so I wouldn't expect to receive one, but yes I am expected to be the organiser of special family holidays & occasions, alot of work, shopping, cooking for little thanks or reward does become depressing.

Easter eggs, Easter egg hunt, cooking Easter cake, making desserts at the last minute to go to lunch elsewhere (and going out in the rain to find ingredients in several shops), organising a special outing...

I give your permission to drop the rope.

Next year buy yourself 20 eggs and sit and gorge on them while everyone looks confused.

why did you do all that? did you have too? were you forced too? was it an event and you got roped in?

just don't do it next year

Were you requested to do all these things, or did you just want to?

My husband and I sort things out equally, we do thank each other though, but just a ‘oh thanks for that’, nothing gushing.

Yes, do this. Just do Easter for yourself. Enjoy yourself!

Don't be a martyr

Have you complained to the adult you want to buy your egg? I am assuming partner but clearly it might not be?

If you haven't do it this week and explain clearly that you don't mind doing stuff for the kids but getting other adults eggs is not your problem

Do you need an Easter cake if everyone has eggs?

Basically it sounds like you have done far more than needed and are now complaining.

Eggs for the kids, perhaps a hunt, job done. Everyone else is a grown adult.

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. And wondering if I've gone deaf or become invisible...why does no one say thank you?

I would love to do this.

You need to watch this:

Have you communicated this to anyone or are you just silently seething?

You need to tell people if you are disappointed with how they are treating you.

I think you are your own worst enemy OP- if you do all these things every year, there becomes some kind of an 'egg spectation ' and yes my view is you get bugger all in return- so if you love it - then great- but do it with no expectations of gratitude! People should say thanks so much, you put so much into that- loved it etc - but I'm afraid they often don't.

I don't knownabout you, OP, but every Christmas, my mother would get up early to put tye turkey in the oven. She would make the stuffing and gravy from scratch, prep and cook the veg, set the table. Etc.

She would refuse all offers of help saying she preferred to do it herself and then spend the evening in tears because she had had to do everything alone and felt underappreciated and taken advantage of. Every year.

I'm not suggesting you've refused offers of help but, equally, if you give yourself a shitload of unnecessary work to do without asking for help then you're kind of creating the situation for yourself.

Easter eggs, Easter egg hunt, cooking Easter cake, making desserts at the last minute to go to lunch elsewhere (and going out in the rain to find ingredients in several shops), organising a special outing.

How much of this was actually necessary? Eggs? A hunt? Maybe if the childen are young but a cake? Multiple desserts? Shopping in the rain in several shops? Organising an outing?

Most of this was completely unnecessary, wasn't it? Did someone ask you to or did you offer? Why couldn't you just say, "No. I've got enough to do already?" Or, "If you want X, Y, Z, you can do that"? You can just say no.

Why can't you?

Have you told them how you feel?

Yes, this completely. I know a lot of people that do the same.

We are adults so just do what you want, yes do some fun things for the children, but if they are not thanking you then I would question how they have been brought up without ever having to say please or thank you in their lives.

I’ve never had an Easter egg hunt that I can remember? Had an amazing childhood though and was thankful for what my parents did for me. Our mum cooked a roast every Sunday and was a bit of a martyr about it. I don’t like a roast, my siblings and father could take it or leave it.

You don’t need to do all these things and if your family aren’t appreciative or saying thanks then it probably means they aren’t bothered about it, rather than being rude.

YANBU but i do sympathise with you and have been there myself.

I found that the LESS I did for people, the MORE they appreciated what I did, and the MORE I did for people, the LESS they appreciated it.

Now I do what I want. No more and no less. I do at least get a thanks.

Can you just do less OP? For others I mean? Find something else to do with the time you would have spent fussing over others.

so don’t do the same next year

I wonder if this is because, by doing less, you are showing that you value yourself and your time and so they do too?

I don't know, it just seems like an interesting observation on your part!

I also think it's easier to say thank you for something than it I'd for many things. If that makes sense?

People sometimes avoid saying thank you when a lot has been done because they feel uncomfortable about it. A bit like the overwhelm small children feel when you plan a big surprise and they behave badly.

@ByUmberViewer I'm a bit like this now, I do precisely what I want to do and can cope with (easy lunch, Easter eggs from local shop, no extra baking or prep) and that's it. I find people are more thankful in that situation, perhaps they realise I might flip and do nothing next year!

I sometimes wonder if we are genetically wired to take advantage of people.

And yes, I do think that if people see we value ourselves, they value us too.

It also means I can relax more, because I'm not stressed, and then things are more fun, that helps. I find Christmas the worst though, because there's more expectations on that, and I do resent it all. Easter is a doddle by comparison.

@ByUmberViewer possibly yes, I know myself I can sit back and let someone else run round, usually my mum, but then I run around after my own children so it all evens out. Plus I hope I show my mum (and tell her) I appreciate her, my children tell me, I think they realised a while ago that if you want fun, supportive and always up for doing an extra thing mum then you do need to show quite a bit of appreciation. I'm not the suffer in silence type.