being a woman = being invisible or unappreciated

[Meganmeccano]

Who else has organised a lot this weekend and received nothing?
Feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, I know I could have bought my own or asked outright for something, (but no one else in the family did this, and yet they received...)

What on earth?! God just stop doing it. It gets better as your oestrogen drains away you stop being an eager people pleaser and martyr. Fab watching it happening to friends. No one can be arsed to cook anymore meet up it’s a restaurant or a take away no one’s cooking. Helps when the kids become teens.

Did family etc tell you to do all this or was it something you decided had to be done? Do you talk to family about expecting help?

People aren’t mind readers and it sounds very unnecessary to do all this work if you clearly get no enjoyment out of it.

I honestly believe some people do all this work just to have something to complain about.

Also sadly it’s human nature if someone is prepared to do all the shit work other humans are secretly pleased about that and let them get on with it.

We are busy at the moment with other things so I didn't invite extended family round for a meal. I ordered 3 Easter eggs on the online shop. One for me and one for each of my teenagers because I thought I'm not going to watch them eat theirs and not have one! I wanted one so I ordered one. I cooked but only for the 3 of us. My extended family didn't ask why they weren't asked round for a roast. Presumably because they know they could have cooked and invited us, but they didn't.
So next year do less and give yourself a rest.

I honestly believe some people do all this work just to have something to complain about.

Tbh, I also wonder this sometimes.

Some women run themselves into the ground doing things their husband's and children don't actually care about and then get upset that no one said thank you for the effort required in running themselves into the ground doing stuff that no one cared about in the first place.

Just stop doing it.

In my 25 year's of parenthood, I've never run myself ragged doing lots of 'must have' things for Christmas, Easter, whatever. My children stil had happy childhoods, I've never felt underappreciated and they stil love me...

If I didn't do anything, we wouldn't do anything special for Easter or Christmas. No decorations, no activities or special food. He literally doesn't care and has repeatedly told me so.

I've dropped the rope for both and feel much happier!

We do birthdays, Valentine's, Yule and anniversaries, just not the main Christian holidays.

If you choose not to make any effort and no one else does either, then no one can complain! Winner!

However, if you like to do something, do something just for yourself, you deserve it!

But why? I didn’t do anything at all over the weekend other than a few visits to relatives, and threw together a dhal today for some unexpected visitors. I didn’t buy a single egg, because DS was given about eight by different relatives, and my dad made him an egg hunt. I did make a dessert to take to my ILs, but just used hints that were already in the house.

Why run yourself ragged if you don’t enjoy it?

I have already been through menopause.

Why do you do it then? We did project on house then treated ourselves to lovely meal out. Very satisfying Easter!

You don’t have to do any of this. I have never had or done an egg hunt and never made or eaten an easter cake. How old are these kids you’re doing this stuff for?

If i do stuff for my little kids, i don’t want thanks. I want to see them have fun.

I get you OP! It's not just festivities- there are certain things only I do e.g. plant flowers on balcony and set up furniture there. I have no interest in gardening but like to sit there with a book. Turns out so does everybody else! If you build it, they will come.. .

It is frustrating, especially when you realise that all the "making our home nice" falls to you. Oh well, I should have paid more attention to "The Little Red Hen" when I was a child. 😂

This year I got fed up of cooking Christmas Dinner for 12 and never getting any help or thanks so I booked a local restaurant instead. Perfect!

I get you OP! It's not just festivities- there are certain things only I do e.g. plant flowers on balcony and set up furniture there. I have no interest in gardening but like to sit there with a book. Turns out so does everybody else! If you build it, they will come.. .

This made me laugh @Instantcustard - It's the same here. No one wants to sit and relax in the garden unless I get all the sun chairs out and make it look nice. It's fucking cheeky really.

At least we don't have a garden!

We went out on Monday and on the way home had to stop off to buy some school material for DD; the nearest place open was a big supermarket so we stopped there and there was still a big display of Easter chocolates. DD and I went to get the school stuff and DH said he would meet us by the tills as he needed to get something. I thought it might be Easter chocolate for me, but no.

On Tuesday he had an appointment on a street with several lovely chocolate shops and he goes there and back on foot so I thought at last the penny will drop. No.

I then said to myself I'll just buy them for myself but on Tuesday evening I had a terrible upset stomach and since then have not been feeling like eating chocolate. Probably just karma for feeling so sorry for myself over something so trivial.

This is just mad. You’re hanging around desperately hoping something is going to make him realise his wife wants chocolate, but hasn’t said so — why not tell him? It would never occur to me to buy DH an Easter egg.

Talk. To. Him.