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Original poster

WWYD - go to MIL for dinner or not?

45 replies

Scarlettjade · 31/03/2024 12:52

bit of background - we usually go to MIL for Christmas and Easter dinner, she’s a great host and cook, but the dinner is always spoilt by SIL being a nightmare (she’s demanding, difficult, selfish), although everyone notices SIL being hard work, no one really says anything, DH may say “X please stop fussing so that we can eat our dinner” but it doesn’t really help.

I decided after last Christmas that I didn’t want to go to MIL for these dinners any more (or at least have a year or 2 off) because SIL makes the dinner stressful, DH agrees that she’s a nightmare.

So today (Easter Sunday) we’re going to a restaurant for a meal, as I’ve been getting ready to go out I feel a bit sad that we’re missing out on going to MIL to see her and enjoy her tasty dinners. It made me think, am I biting my nose off to spite my face? WWYD- would you just go to MIL and find a way of ignoring SIL?

So that I don’t drip feed, we can still visit MIL of course and we will do tomorrow, it’s more that we’re missing out on going there for a nice dinner today.

Also, some examples of SIL behaviour:
-everyone started eating christmas dinner and she decides that she doesn’t like where she’s sat so we all have to move around to accommodate her, passing our full dinner plates over the table etc.
-she notices that her DH has more potatoes on his plate than her, she makes a fuss about this
-her baby wakes up from nap whilst we are eating, she insists that MIL has to hold baby (meaning she has to stop eating her own dinner) because SIL is “starving and needs her food now”.
-she was in charge of desserts and brought a pack of 6 individual mouse things, but we were 7 people, she said my DD had to go without (obviously I gave DD mine, but not the point - she was happy to see DD go without)
-she didn’t like the wine that had been poured into her glass, asked MIL to go find a different bottle, even though there was already two different options on the table.

OP posts:
fluffycloudalert · 31/03/2024 12:56

Enjoy your meal at the restaurant, and put the dreaded SIL out of your mind!

SevenSeasOfRhye · 31/03/2024 12:57

brought a pack of 6 individual mouse things

😂Did her cat do her shopping for her?

HelloMiss · 31/03/2024 13:08

The desert thing is SO odd!

Enjoy your meal out, away from the madness!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Terribletooths · 31/03/2024 13:42

how old is she?! What about her partner when she throws this strop?. you could also take MIL out for a nice meal and take SIL out the equation completely

Witchbitch20 · 31/03/2024 13:48

All of these things could have been stopped. All of you didn’t have to get up and move, your MIL didn’t have to look for other wine - so basically everyone accommodates and allows her behaviour, which means it gets worse.

The dessert thing is bizarre.

Enjoy your meal without the nonsense.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 31/03/2024 13:51

Maybe be more cross at the people who moved seats on her say so. As long as you pander she will demand.

waftabout · 31/03/2024 14:26

Witchbitch20 · 31/03/2024 13:48

All of these things could have been stopped. All of you didn’t have to get up and move, your MIL didn’t have to look for other wine - so basically everyone accommodates and allows her behaviour, which means it gets worse.

The dessert thing is bizarre.

Enjoy your meal without the nonsense.

This! She'll carry on with this twatty behaviour because they all let her and that would probably piss me off more than she did.

Cbljgdpk · 31/03/2024 14:30

We have someone very similar in the family and have avoided this person this Easter as we just don’t have it in us for the selfishness. I find it very hard to watch my in laws enable this behaviour but I also know when she’s pulled up it gets worse and the day is spoilt even more. I’m all for what brings me and my little family peace

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 17:29

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 31/03/2024 13:51

Maybe be more cross at the people who moved seats on her say so. As long as you pander she will demand.

More cross? Why? Be cross, sure. But save the majority for the attention-seeking twat SIL, surely?

SugarMitts · 31/03/2024 17:43

Surely you can’t all just descend on MIL’s for dinner without any notice?! Would there even be enough for you at that late stage?
Just me that sees how rude that would be? Go to the restaurant OP

Crochetablanket · 31/03/2024 17:47

SugarMitts · 31/03/2024 17:43

Surely you can’t all just descend on MIL’s for dinner without any notice?! Would there even be enough for you at that late stage?
Just me that sees how rude that would be? Go to the restaurant OP

@SugarMitts i don’t think that’s what the OP is planning. She saying that she and her DH are going elsewhere and they’ll see MIL tomorrow ( when there’s no dinner)

Original poster
Scarlettjade · 31/03/2024 18:48

Sorry for spelling error in OP, I obviously meant chocolate mousse (not mouse).

I agree, it’s ridiculous that the family are enabling SILs behaviour. I don’t feel that it’s my place to say anything though, we’re at MIL’s house and if she’s happy to accommodate SILs requests then who am I to stop that.

We’re just back from a stress free Easter lunch out at a restaurant, it was so nice to not have to endure SIL. Although MIL FaceTimed us before we left for the restaurant, I did feel quite bad when she said that she’d miss us being at hers for dinner.

OP posts:
NoNameisGoodEnough · 31/03/2024 18:49

Does MIL know why you haven't gone to hers?

Nomorecoconutboosts · 31/03/2024 18:54

Does sil know (or care) why you didn’t go there?
what about mil?
I empathise btw - some family members are a nightmare. We ended up NC with mine - mil spoilt every occasion (and lots of really petty things designed to hurt such as ‘forgetting’ to offer me a pudding. If I had mentioned it it would have caused an issue)
the pudding was just one example in case anyone thinks I went NC over a missed portion of cheesecake!

MaggieFS · 31/03/2024 18:56

I'm glad you had a good time out. The company are as much a part of a meal as the food and wine. Enjoy seeing MIL separately.

Maddy70 · 31/03/2024 18:57

Just ignore her.... asked to move ..."no im fine here"
Etc

Call her out .... "stop being a diva mil would like to enjoy her food too

Rattai · 31/03/2024 18:58

Have you explained why you didn't go??

WhatFlavourIsIt · 31/03/2024 19:00

Life is to short to spend time in the company of people you don't enjoy. Have your meal out. Get together with your Mil another time when Sil isn't there.

Cronchy · 31/03/2024 19:01

I think enjoy your meal out today and reassess for future meals
however I think you’re taking a bit too much on board and pandering a bit too much. Could the events be made better by ignoring her more?

some examples of SIL behaviour:
-everyone started eating christmas dinner and she decides that she doesn’t like where she’s sat so we all have to move around to accommodate her, passing our full dinner plates over the table etc.
im not sure why everyone moved here. she tells you to move. You say no. So does DH. And so do your children. Carry on eating and chatting to everyone as normal and ignore her.
-she notices that her DH has more potatoes on his plate than her, she makes a fuss about this
ignore. That’s her DHs problem. Talk to literally anyone at the table about anything else. Dh should do the same.
-her baby wakes up from nap whilst we are eating, she insists that MIL has to hold baby (meaning she has to stop eating her own dinner) because SIL is “starving and needs her food now”.
as lovely as MIL is, if she chooses to pander to this, then she’s part of the reason SIL is the way she is. Leave them to it, that’s their choice for their relationship
-she was in charge of desserts and brought a pack of 6 individual mouse things, but we were 7 people, she said my DD had to go without (obviously I gave DD mine, but not the point - she was happy to see DD go without)
this is obviously shitty. But perhaps if the rest was ignored and not an issue you could overcome this for the sake of a nice meal with family.
-she didn’t like the wine that had been poured into her glass, asked MIL to go find a different bottle, even though there was already two different options on the table.
same as mil holding the baby.
not your problem.
if it means you all can’t eat because everyone isn’t at the table, then DH can say to SIL well the food is getting cold, so we’re all going to start whilst you faff about with wine. Then again ignore it and talk about anything else to anyone else. Or you or DH could support MIL and say to SIL she deserves to eat the lovely meal she’s cooked, perhaps you could wait or find your own wine. But then immediately begin ignoring her and encourage MIL to sit down and just start chatting to MIL as normal.

maybe if less time is spend pandering it won’t feel so overwhelming?

RampantIvy · 31/03/2024 19:04

Why do people enable people like this?
Someone needs to tell her to grow up and stop behaving like the world revolves around her.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 31/03/2024 19:06

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 31/03/2024 13:51

Maybe be more cross at the people who moved seats on her say so. As long as you pander she will demand.

This being pinned would fit so many IL and difficult people threads!!

crumblingschools · 31/03/2024 19:09

I’d be telling MIL why you didn’t want to go to hers.

Do you have family?

LadyKenya · 31/03/2024 19:10

So, all the adults just meekly move places, and mil is incapable of telling sil to hold her own baby until she has eaten her food? Yeah, I am not sure that sil is the only problem one here.

cansu · 31/03/2024 19:15

I am not sure why all these minor annoyances are so difficult to deal with. They are not exactly everyday so why can't you just ignore it? Sounds unnecessarily dramatic to avoid a family dinner because you don't like his sister much!

NearlyBritishSummertimeYay · 31/03/2024 20:06

@cronchy. I agree that the OP/DH/their kids can refuse to pander to her, but it's impolite if MIL asks then to switch seats and it's definitely not for the OP to come between SIL & MIL. At a push DH could say something.