Talk to your children and teens and tell them you love them

[opalsandcoffee]

I am sad for the number of stories I hear of teens being "typical teenagers" moody, withdrawn, hostile, etc.

I don't think this is typical teenager at all, but I do think a lot of parent child relationships break down badly in teen years and the seeds for that are sown many years earlier.

Some examples recently - asking a mum how often she tells her 16 year old that she love him - not in the last 10 years she says - ie not since before he was 6! So she says she can't start now, it would be weird. But it need not have been weird if he had grown up with it being normal.

Arguing about who gets teens over Easter and who gets the weekend "off" - why are parents saying this? Children hear and know - why not argue about who gets the privilege of weekend with the children?

Horrible things said, like menace to society, and waste of space, etc.

Please have conversations with your teens every day and tell them you love them. Please start when they are tiny and it will often just carry on naturally

Teenagers, with hormones running riot , and other uncertainties, can be a handful.

I don’t think the OP has been through the teenage years.🙄

You are an absolutely horrible human being, you really are.

That was a deeply personal post and yet you decided to ignore the entire point of the post to pick at my friend.

I tell you I am grieving the death of my much loved friend and still you go on.

You have really have not got any moral high ground to call anyone else shit, you really don't.

You are absolutely disgusting.

And no, I don't care if this post gets deleted.

And no I won't be responding to anything else you say.

"I'm not a fan of judging others, except when I call strangers on the internet supercilious." 😂

I never thought expecting parents to tell their children they love them would be so controversial!

you are frightening

That was a deeply personal post and yet you decided to ignore the entire point of the post to pick at my friend.

the “point” being that your friend made an incorrect assumption and for a child psychologist i don’t think that is a good sign.

you made the post 🤷

I don't know why other people feel weird to tell their kids that they love them.

I have loved mine intensely from the moment that they were born and I absolutely adore them so I tell them so all the time! 😁

I joke that my dd is probably sick of hearing how much I love her, but I would rather than she was bored of hearing it than that she didn't know.

I agree that teens can be amazing, and I think that parents are more often than not responsible for the breakdown of parent-child relationships in those years.

I have worked with lots of teens - including some pretty troubled ones - and generally found that, if you treat them with courtesy and respect, they will usually reciprocate.

My own dd is nearing the end of her teen years now, but she has been a delight all the way.

Oops, quoted by accident, sorry!

I never heard my mum say she loved me (she died when I was a young teen) and my dad didn’t openly say he loved me until I was into my 20s - maybe even 30s.

I know they loved me and I know certainly my dad would have done anything for me but certainly I wish they had said it and overtly demonstrated it through hugs and warm words.

I tell my kids ten times a day and I will continue to do so even when they roll their eyes and tell me to fuck off out their room 😂

@trackertoo

We don't, really

As I said, typically, young children will be told that they are loved. The frequency may vary. It might not be says as regularly as they grow older.

The absence of 'I love you's is not a demonstration of a lack of love in itself as there are other, tangible ways to express love.

As I said, conversely, I've known people utterly incapable of love say it freely and regularly, but it was meaningless.

My point is: I don't make judgments on the extent or significance of love in a family, based on the utterance of a particular phrase. Even if I myself do say those particular words.

I can't really express it any clearer, tbh.

That both really honest & sweet.

You & DS both sound great!

Sure ... because that's what exactly nobody said. 🙄

I'm not a fan of judging others, except when I call strangers on the internet supercilious

Based on their supercilious posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not exactly comparable to making snap judgments about how other families show love.

will continue to do so even when they roll their eyes and tell me to fuck off out their room

You may ... or you may not 😂

I love my DC dearly. I think I told them every day I loved them, as young children.

As teens, I say it still but believe me, it's very hard to articulate the words in those challenging years & moments. And sometimes that love gets expressed by us being stable & present, being there for them when they are selfish arses or testing us to the limit. Sometimes it's a quick hug or emoji in a text. It may not always be possible to say 'I love you' even when you are showing it!

I tell mine several
times a day I love him and how wonderful
and important he is he does the same infavr he’s just came in and given me a hug a said love you mummy

he’s 8 I’ve told him everyday since he was born. I grew up in an abusive household and never been told I was loved or even called by my name and sent to Coventry since 3 I would never treat a child the way I was

we do

**@EarringsandLipstick i have just read what your children did to you when your beloved grandma died. I think i’d struggle to say i love you much after that

I tell mine regularly and they say it back. They are now 20 and 24 but we have said it all of their lives.

My other mantra is that there is nothing that they have done or has happened that is so bad that they can't come home. Led to some interesting conversations but they know that I mean it!

I tell mine every day.
And it by no means loses its meaning. Not a jot.
I have had difficult teens and while it was hard to express that love sometimes, i did it. In her darkest days she had to hear it. Its what got her through. That no matter what, we loved her. And hearing the words mattered.
My parents never said it ever. And i dont think i was loved properly. Most certainly not the way my kids are loved. Which is probably why i do it. I never wanted it to be a cringe thing or awkward.
If i had told my mum i loved her she would have laughed and mocked me.

I tell mine numerous times a day. Pretty much every time either of us leaves the house, end a phone call, at bedtime, by text if he's out.

My parents died when I was a pre-teen and I don't remember if my mum and I said it last time I saw her, or how much she told me in general, really. My step dad and I definitely didn't it.

I hope it hasn't lost its meaning since I say it so much. I try to back it up in other ways.

I hear him say it to his dad and SM on the phone too.

I told mine every day and still tell them every day that l love them at age 40 and 32. I tell all four Grandsons age 18 16 15 and nine .. l love them every week when l see them.. they tell me with the most wonderful hug.
Done it since they were born.. never ever had any problems with them.. moody or nastiness or been in trouble.. all very kind and caring.. intelligent and doing brilliant.

My dd (13) and I say 'I love you' at least 10 times per day and still have big squeezey hugs where she'll sit in my knee. I don't recall those words being used a lot when I was a child but I absolutely felt and knew I was loved. After I moved away from home and had my dd I started to say love you to my parents and it's always reciprocated.

We all tell the dog we love him prob 20 times a day though, even my parents do this 🤣

My DH never once has his parents say they loved him and it has definitely deeply affected him his whole life. He really struggled to say it to our DSs when they came along as it was just so foreign to him. They’re 16 and 19 now and have heard him say it a thousand times now.😍I think it’s really good for boys to hear those words from their dad.

They hear it from me every single day and I enjoy making them shriek with teen cringe as I tell them how smart and handsome they are too.

I’m in my 40's and say it to my mum and dad every time I see them too.

So you admit you do judge people based on their behaviour, e.g. their posts on Mumsnet? Just like I judge people on their behaviour, e.g. not telling their children they love them?