Talk to your children and teens and tell them you love them

[opalsandcoffee]

I am sad for the number of stories I hear of teens being "typical teenagers" moody, withdrawn, hostile, etc.

I don't think this is typical teenager at all, but I do think a lot of parent child relationships break down badly in teen years and the seeds for that are sown many years earlier.

Some examples recently - asking a mum how often she tells her 16 year old that she love him - not in the last 10 years she says - ie not since before he was 6! So she says she can't start now, it would be weird. But it need not have been weird if he had grown up with it being normal.

Arguing about who gets teens over Easter and who gets the weekend "off" - why are parents saying this? Children hear and know - why not argue about who gets the privilege of weekend with the children?

Horrible things said, like menace to society, and waste of space, etc.

Please have conversations with your teens every day and tell them you love them. Please start when they are tiny and it will often just carry on naturally

Yes definitely and if you feel akward saying it as you haven't done for a while you can always text it.
I'm always telling mine and even if they are being a bit moody or withdrawn I text goodnight love you etc.
My DD was saying today she can't believe some parents expect their kids to move out at 18 or that the parenting is done off you go.

I tell DC I love them frequently. It didn’t stop DS being a moody, hostile teen.

I tell my ds every day. He knows he's always wanted here. He only spends 20 nights a year with his df and I've never minded that.
He's not depressed at all. 😊

I think that different families show love in various, significant ways.

A child needs to know they are loved & hear that articulated. Typically that includes the words 'I love you'. But it may not always, and my point is in response to the supercilious poster who couldn't imagine non-abusive families not saying those words.

Families do things differently & I'm not a fan of judging others, if it works for them.

HTH

I remember telling a friend who was a child psychologist that my parents never said they loved me. ' Yes, but you knew you were loved', she replied confidently.

But honestly, I don't think I did. I think love, as a concept, was absent from my life as a child. My parents cared for me, if I fell I would be comforted, we were given nice meals and ate as a family every day, watched tv together whilst eating a big bag of shared sweets, despite being poor, I got the presents I wanted at Christmas and birthday and my parents obviously worked hard to make these nice days. Had a holiday every year. But I honestly think that love was absent to me as a concept. Looking back, I don't doubt they did love me, but the idea of loving and being loved, I just don't think that existed to me as a child.

Maybe it would have if it were named and talked about.

As for other posters saying you don't need to say you love your child for them to know they are loved, given my experiences as a child I certainly don't want to take that risk with my children.

we disagree

younger children tend to like things fairly obvious and in your face.

Theyll hear “i love you to the moon and back” story for example and think “my mum and dad never say i love you to me” even if they are fabulous parents!

I remember telling a friend who was a child psychologist that my parents never said they loved me. ' Yes, but you knew you were loved', she replied confidently.

shit child psychologist to just assume this

I tell my kids (15 and 11) I love them every single day.

Not she wasn't. She has been extremely helpful in giving me advice with my own children that I have appreciated and valued very much.

I wasn't in a therapy session with her. We were just chatting as pals over a cup of tea.

but she just assumed based on nothing
and indeed was entirely
wrong in that assumption

I told mine I love them and I’m proud of them every day of their lives. I’ve always talked to them, encouraged them… I still do.

It didn’t stop DS from fucking hating my guts between the ages of 12 and 17. He did grow out of it, thank God. It broke my heart at the time, and I tried so hard to talk to him about what was troubling him. He often makes jokes now about what a shit he was and he’s so grateful that I didn’t slaughter him when he was a teenager.

Good old mumsnet... talk to your teens and tell them you love them.

Response: that's preposterous!

Yes. Seriously. I don't understand why parents wouldn't tell their children that they love them as well as showing it in other ways.

I shower my young kids in love but am pretty sure they will have moody teenage phases no matter what I do!

😂

@opalsandcoffee YADDDDNBU. We tell our children (young adults) we love them whenever we see or speak to each other. It's just a quick "love you" "love you too", but it all counts, it kind of builds a solid foundation for our relationships with each other. They know we are there for them and they for us.

My biggest regret in life is not telling my youngest brother I loved him before he died tragically young. That's something I can never get back.

Fam is up for Easter, when I say goodbye it will be "love you Bro", and a hug.

It makes a difference.

Its rather you who are making a lot of assumptions about the conversation. You are also badly failing to read the room if that was the key point you took from my post.🙄

This is my dearly loved and much missed friend (she died last year). Some total randomer spewing bile online is not going to convince me that my friend who helped me with my own children, was actually, despite my actual experience, crap after all.

Here's another way my friend was a great human being. I never once in all the time I knew her, heard her slag off anyone else. She was the most non-judgemental person I have ever met. And yes, I am drawing a contrast there.

I can’t hold it in! I tell my teen numerous times a day that I love him. Maybe it’s too much but I can’t help it!

My mum was and is wonderful.
I don't think she could've showered anymore love ok methan she did.

She had faults but she's human. And I can hand on heart say that while she may have not always gotten everything right my sister and I were at the centre of everything she thought, planned and did.

Jesus Christ we were bitches as teens.
My god how she's must've resisted the temptation to slam us through a wall or hit us with a car.
I love her even more now as I'm in my 30s and can reflect on the unnecessary angst I seemed to relish being in.
And even now if we bring it up in an apologetic way she will just shrug, smile and say well that's what teens do.

Even the most wonderful, perfect parent can't stop the sulk.

good grief 😬

That's rather how I have felt about your posts too.

I think it can lose its meaning if it’s said too often.

I love my children and they know that.
They know I love them because of what I do for them, not because I say ‘I love you’ every day.

that children need to be told that they are loved?

okey dokey

Oh don't be ridiculous, you know exactly which posts I am talking about, Stop playing childish games,.

that i think a child psychologist jumping to an assumption as you said she did…. doesn’t sound great 🤷