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As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

1000 replies

Marssuri · 28/03/2024 16:01

Just that!
I'll start

I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert.

A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time.

I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food."
I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!".
They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table.
They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in.

Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 30/03/2024 11:49

Alwaysalwayscold · 30/03/2024 10:55

Thoroughly enjoying reading this. It's just so bizzare to me the way some people behave, I'm also from a culture where people over cater, always want to be pay etc.

I'm from Yorkshire, a county whose natives have a reputation for being 'careful with money'.

It was (and I think still is), nonetheless, the "culture" here that visitors present at mealtimes - unexpected or otherwise - were fed, often forcibly so. Children around to play were naturally included at mealtimes by my mother and by my friends' mothers if it was me, unless we had been specifically instructed by our parents to go home for meals.

Those coming in between meals are immediately offered a hot beverage, which is accompanied by generously served comestibles such as biscuits and/or cake.

I completely understand people on tight budgets having bugger-all in the house - but I'm nonplussed at the notion of well off, middle class folk having "no food" when visitors call, especially if they're expected (which, let;s be honest, most visitors are these days) visitors.

Hellendegenerate · 30/03/2024 11:55

My own examples may seem trivial so wasn't sure if I would add but does a dinner guest (party of five) insisting she brings dessert but turning up empty handed because she's now on a diet count? Or the mother in a toddler group picnic (6 children present) bring exactly six custard creams ie one per child, when there's only about ten in a whole packet.

These were many years ago but I haven't forgotten as I just wouldn't behave like that.

Woahtherehoney · 30/03/2024 11:55

The stinginess of people never ceases to amaze me, I love it.

I come from a family with roots deep in the East End of London going back generations where people are so generous - I think lots of it comes from the war time if I’m honest where people would share everything they had. My Nan would’ve been crippled with shame if someone left her house hungry 🤣

My friends would come over when young and my Nan would magic up huge portions of food for them even if they weren’t coming for dinner and just popping in for a bit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

GellerYeller · 30/03/2024 12:00

At a kids’ party in a village hall, I rearranged some plates on the buffet table, including some lavishly decorated cupcakes, to make room for some I’d been asked to bring. Mumzilla comes running over to loudly admonish me as she had assumed I was taking one and they were not to be eaten. Were they part of the birthday cake, or to be given out as party favours afterwards? No, they were FOR SALE!!! At a kids’ party FGS.

GellerYeller · 30/03/2024 12:00

And it wasn’t even Mumzilla hosting, she was a guest.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/03/2024 12:02

I think the only example I've experienced of this was when my partner and I flew to the states to visit her brother and SiL a few years ago. It was a very long journey for us - we're 3 hours from the airport, we flew to JFK where immigration took a very long time and then the drive to their place in Connecticut took 2.5 hours.

Brother does all the cooking (SiL is very ill with a debilitating disease) and he'd made a chili and rice. I can only imagine he'd made a mistake with his amounts, however - because we all got one tablespoon of rice and one of chili each. Nothing else. No pudding.

Fortunately, we were also given "full fridge privileges" as family so were able to fill up during our stay...

TheLeadbetterLife · 30/03/2024 12:03

What baffles me about some of these stories is why these stingy people bother hosting in the first place. No-one's making them, so why invite people over to serve them an egg and a glass of water?

Menomeno · 30/03/2024 12:15

TheLeadbetterLife · 30/03/2024 12:03

What baffles me about some of these stories is why these stingy people bother hosting in the first place. No-one's making them, so why invite people over to serve them an egg and a glass of water?

You only have to look at all the professional under eaters on Mumsnet to see that’s probably a normal meal for them, so they don’t see anything wrong with what they’re serving.

Ive decided from now on I’ll only accept invites from people with a BMI over 25, because you’re more likely to get a decent portion! 😂

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 12:21

TheLeadbetterLife · 30/03/2024 12:03

What baffles me about some of these stories is why these stingy people bother hosting in the first place. No-one's making them, so why invite people over to serve them an egg and a glass of water?

I think with some of them know they need to reciprocate with something , no matter how shit, in order to be invited back.

MoonWoman69 · 30/03/2024 12:22

These posts are jaw dropping and some very sad too.

I have one - Actually two, but the second is quite sweet more than stingy!

Many years ago, in the late 90s, a member of our staff was leaving, (she was an absolute weirdo to be fair, to tell you some of the things she'd done in the year she was with us, would be very outing!)
But anyway, she decided that she'd like us all to have a night out together at a beautiful Indian restaurant in our city, as her leaving do.
Table was duly booked, we all turned up and there were about 20 of us. We all had a great night, gave her her leaving present and card, all was going well, people were becoming a bit worse for wear etc. Then the bill came.
There was a dish on the table for the money, so we were putting our own bill amounts in, then we said we'd put in extra for tips after the bill was settled. I totalled it up out of the dish, as I was the most sober (made a change!!!) The money came up a good £30 short. People were saying, "Well I put mine in" which I had absolutely no doubt about at all... I was staring at "leaving" woman, who sat grinning round inanely... Eventually one of our other colleagues said he'd make the difference up, it wasn't a problem. I said he shouldn't have to pay for two meals and someone needed to put their share in, all the while, I was still glaring at "leaving" woman! In the vain hope she'd click on. She didn't and at that point I still didn't have the balls to directly call someone out!
So a bit of back and forth and he ended up paying it, as it was getting really embarrassing, as the staff were waiting.
We then all added generous tips to the dish, which totalled at least £60.
We all got up and started putting our coats on, grabbing our bags etc. I saw her take something from the table, but didn't see what it was.
I was told later that she'd pocketed the whole of the tip dish, when she thought no-one was watching! And I still think about that and still feel horrified that the staff looked after us and bent over backwards and got nothing.
And if I'd seen her do that, I would definitely have found the balls to pull her, the meal payment wasn't able to be proven, just major suspicion, but taking the tips definitely was! So in one night, she'd profited by a card, a thoughtfully chosen, not cheap gift and £90!

The second-

My dad was a self employed joiner, he built bespoke kitchens and bedroom suites, but could turn his hand to anything.
So he came to put me some fitted wardrobes in our old, first house. He wouldn't accept any payment at all! So I said I'd provide lunch over the few days he was coming to do it. The first day I had to go shopping anyway, so I told him I'd bring something back. I called at the bakers and got us a ham salad sandwich each. He was absolutely amazed at how big it was and couldn't understand how I could eat a whole one to myself!!! (I was a much bigger lass back then, with a much bigger appetite, so could have easily eaten two, but they weren't exactly massive, just stuffed with filling!)
He said he'd bring something for us for lunch the following day, I protested, as he was doing us the work for nothing, but no, he wouldn't hear of it!
Come lunchtime, he said he'd go out to the car and get our lunch... He came back in with a normal sized tin of Thai chicken soup! Between the two of us! Basically three soup spoons each at the most! When I asked if he'd like some bread, to fill up, he looked horrified and said "ooh no, that would be too much"!
He was always built like a racing snake, when I was a kid he ate normal meals and could wipe a packet of biscuits out in one go! He did a physical job and worked long days, I just couldn't believe half a can of soup could sustain him!
I sadly lost him last year, but when I think of this it still makes me chuckle!

MoonWoman69 · 30/03/2024 12:32

@VickyEadieofThigh
Fellow Yorkshire lass here. We're good feeders in Yorkshire, even though we get the piss taken that we're a tight county!
I don't ever remember being starved of food when visiting relatives, given nothing to drink at friends, or not being given food as a kid when invited to friends for tea!
All the women on my maternal side always made too much, better than have someone not have enough food!
And I go by the same rule! My DH always asks when I make any food, if we're expecting guests!!! But it never goes to waste, as his eyes always light up when I say no!!! 🤣🤣🤣

SomethingBlues · 30/03/2024 12:34

Id played after school at a girls house who was supposedly my friend. She was quite well off but looking back - the family was incredibly dysfunctional and as an adult, she is not in a good way.

We’d been playing after school and it came to dinner time it was like a switch went and all of a sudden, I was completely ignored. Literally it was like I didn’t exist. I went to follow them into the kitchen and the door was shut in my face. While my own home wasn’t great, when people were round, everyone was included and fed! So this was absolutely alien to me. I got my coat and walked all the way home. They’d not noticed id gone until id already been home for quarter of an hour and her mother phoned my mother in a panic that I was lost! My mother gave her both barrels and I never went there again. I can remember it like it was yesterday though

Tonga13 · 30/03/2024 12:34

I had a flatmate in uni that used to mark a line on her bottles of vodka so she could see if anyone drank it- she was more than happy to help herself to everyone else’s drinks as and when she pleased. Being the cheeky so-and-so I am I’d sneak big glasses of her vodka and top the bottle up to the line with water. She never caught on!

And no, it wasn’t that she was a broke student living hand to mouth, she’d frequently come back from shopping trips with new clothes and her parents paid her rent.

angela1952 · 30/03/2024 12:50

We were once invited for a BBQ lunch to a work friend of my husband, he and his wife had been to parties and for lunch at our house. It took two hours for any food to appear (we have four children who were ravenous) and she gave us all half a sausage.
Another American friend invited us for "Brunch" and similarly everything she served was cut it half and there was probably a third of what we would normally expect to eat.

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 12:50

Hellendegenerate · 30/03/2024 11:55

My own examples may seem trivial so wasn't sure if I would add but does a dinner guest (party of five) insisting she brings dessert but turning up empty handed because she's now on a diet count? Or the mother in a toddler group picnic (6 children present) bring exactly six custard creams ie one per child, when there's only about ten in a whole packet.

These were many years ago but I haven't forgotten as I just wouldn't behave like that.

Those definitely count.

Mammyloveswine · 30/03/2024 12:57

One Mother's Day I suggested to my father in law we go see them (we live few hours drive away).

I had just had ds2 and was breastfeeding and ds1 was only just 2.

FIL was making a roast and invited us for dinner. SIL got wind we were going round so invited herself, BIL and three teenage sons round too.

FIL said this was fine, plenty of food.

I suggested to DH that we take a couple of bottles of wine round he was like "no it'll be fine".

Anyway get there, a third of a bottle of wine between us all, a slither of beef, one roast potato... was honestly starving! Had to go to macdonalds on the drive home!

AnonymousUser6 · 30/03/2024 12:58

BrainNotAvailableTryAnotherOne · 30/03/2024 10:52

My paternal grandmother had me and my cousin from mum’s side (so not her grandchild) one afternoon when we were about 7. She put a frozen pizza in the oven for tea, had half for herself and cut the other half in two slices for us. Cousin and I are in our 40s and he still recalls it 😅

That sounds like a normal amount tbh!

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 13:05

AnonymousUser6 · 30/03/2024 12:58

That sounds like a normal amount tbh!

No stingy thread is complete without some competitive undereating…

I could polish off a whole pizza myself as 10yo, when I was just a bone, a rag and hank of hair.

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 13:07

Anyone also find that they are hungrier when they visit someone’s house for dinner than when you cook yourself?

When I cook for family or friends, I pick at my food whilst others tuck in because I’ve been slaving over the stove so to speak.

But when I go to someone’s else house I’m ready and willing to eat a lot!

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 30/03/2024 13:20

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 19:41

Then they should have warned OP that there would only be GF options.

And not been stingy with it.

They did. She asked and they said no. They’re really not unreasonable to not want a major allergen in the house. He’s coeliac, not ‘gluten free’.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 30/03/2024 13:20

@toomanyy you’re constant policing of people in the thread is ruining it.

TicTac80 · 30/03/2024 13:22

I'm of ME origin (mum's side), so hospitality is a BIG thing. When people would come over, there was always huge amounts of food, drink etc: more than enough for any guests coming and any unexpected guests. You get the picture. My Dad (part English but spent more time in the ME) was very similar. Some of HIS side of the family were not (but they were very used to how my parents hosted).

We went to stay at my uncle's place once. We were kids and the journey was a long one. We hadn't been there five minutes and uncle told us there was no food (or even milk for hot drinks), so "let's go shopping". So we all piled into the car, he filled the trolley and Mum paid. I remember being shocked at that one!! He used to do that loads: invite people over and then say that there was no food!!

Next one is quite a sweet memory. My dad's aunt had been born/grew up between the World Wars. Now if we went to visit, my parents ALWAYS brought along lots of food etc (as we didn't want to put her out or make things costly for her), pay for groceries etc. She'd pack the food away and then when it came to supper time, the meal would consist of: one slice of bread each, couple of slices of cucumber/lettuce/tomato, one slice of ham and maybe a little pickled onion. My brother and I would save our pocket money for a couple of weeks before we went to visit so that after supper we could wander off to the village shop and buy ourselves some snacks so we wouldn't be hungry. We just assumed that she had been so used to rationing etc in the War that it didn't occur to her that people ate more.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 30/03/2024 13:30

Your*

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 30/03/2024 13:31

Christmas dinner - they turned up with a half drunk bottle of flat diet coke, which we don't touch. After being very well fed, treated, watered and gifted, they took it home with them!

Garlicking · 30/03/2024 13:33

@TicTac80 - nope, she was just tight. Sorry. My parents, born 1925 & 1930, hosted guests normally - plenty to eat and drink, second helpings offered. The war and its aftermath left them a little too averse to waste, sometimes resulting in manky fridge contents and out-of-date packets. But they'd never stash gifts of food away while serving starvation rations to the donor.

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